The Damned CDC Just Saved Disney

The despicable Walt Disney Corporation is getting a helping hand from Fauci and his jackbooted thugs, just as the company was about to die. The CDC’s decision to allow us peons to stop wearing masks has saved the financially struggling organization. Hooray.

During an earnings call on Thursday, Disney CEO Bob Chapek hinted that there could be a change to the mandatory mask requirement at Disney parks in the near future after the CDC said people could stop wearing masks outdoors in crowds and in most indoor settings.

“Particularly, if anybody’s been in Florida in the middle of summer with a mask on. That could be quite daunting,” Chapek said. “So we think that’s going to make for an even more pleasant experience.”

Chapek said the parks had already started raising the number of people allowed in, as least in Florida, based on relaxed restrictions coming from Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ office. He didn’t say how many more people were being allowed in the parks compared to the previous restriction of a little more than a third of a park’s capacity.

It pains me to think how far Disney has fallen. We spent our honeymoon there, and revisited when the missus was pregnant with Kyle. The kids have been there when they were younger and they all had a great time. In the last few years, however, the entire corporation has become mega-woke, which is why I have no desire to give them my money ever again.

Finish Him!

With the exception of the infected numbers game, most stories concerning the Chinese Wuhan Virus have revolved around strip clubs, their reopenings, and the precautions taken to protect people form the Wu-Flu, but not from crabs, herpes, or knocking up a dancer.

You’ll be able to see a lot at the Magic Lantern, now that the longtime strip club on Route 20 has reopened. But you won’t see a topless dancer without a face mask on, said Christopher Brunelle, manager at the club.

Now ever our butterfaces can make money!

Six-foot distances will always be enforced.

Not a problem for me if you know what I mean…

The capacity has been reduced to just 50 people from 200. Only one entertainer on stage at a time— no private dances. These are all accommodations Brunelle, whose wife Kimberly, bought the club in March, has made to reopen under Gov. Charlie Baker’s phased reopening plan.

There was no seating at the bar or at the stage when it reopened Thursday night.

Probably a good idea, since it’s more difficult to see some lecherous guy “yanking his doodle, it’s a dandy” in a darkened booth.

True Detective Stories

Today’s episode of TDS is a cornucopia of smaller stories that didn’t necessarily warrant its own post, but were worth mentioning anyway.

#1. Last week, officers responded to a report of fireworks/gunshots – no one knew for sure what it was – and when the officers arrived, the entire block came out to start trouble. The neighbors started harassing the cops, throwing insults and profanity at them, and a few people got in the officers’ faces. The officers were trying to deescalate the situation, then one thug POS punched a rookie in the eye, breaking his orbital bone.

All this was captured on body cameras.

The evidence was collected, the doer was identified, and we sent the job to the District Attorney’s Office. Hours later, the DA sent it back, claiming there was not enough evidence supplied to approve the arrest warrant. Infuriated, the supervisor sent every officer’s body camera footage to the D.A. and demanded they watch every piece of video taken during the incident.

The kid had his orbital bone broken, and this Soros-appointed DA refuses to charge the thug. But yeah, the cops are the problem…

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi, Ho

A Minnesota woman allegedly lost her Scandinavian composure last month when she refused to wear a mask while shopping. Wow Minnesota, you really have outshined yourselves of late.

Heidi Ruth Mueller, 35, last month sought to enter a Menards home improvement store near her home in North Mankato, a city 80 miles from Minneapolis.

When Mueller attempted to walk into the business, an employee instructed her she “needs a mask to shop at the store per store policy.” Mueller then “quarreled briefly” with the worker before grabbing the man’s face and pulling his mask down.

Considering authorities sat back and allowed Antifa and Black Lives Matter destroy the city of Minneapolis, I assume pulling down an employee’s mask is akin to littering.

After a second worker intervened and told her to leave, Mueller slapped the first employee “in the face and ripped his mask off before throwing the mask in the garbage,” cops say. She then “fled to the parking lot and left.”

Obviously, I’m not defending Heidi here, but slapping someone in the face and tossing their mask into the garbage is little more than simple assault. It’s effectively a summary citation at best. Ban Heidi from the store, stand fast on the mask rule, and put up a sign which reads, “No Fat Chicks.”

(Yuuuge thanks to Misanthropic Humanitarian at AOSHQ for the linkage!)

Wait, The Wuhan Virus Is Still A Thnig?

You may remember a post from last week where the UK determined you cannot leave your residence to boink the crazy stupid hot neighbor with the fabulous rack and the ass which would bring a tear to your eye, lest you violate their Wuhan virus rules. The UK is now trying to lockdown sex entirely, transforming it into something as bland as the country’s food.

With the UK now in its tenth week of lockdown, many bored Brits have been getting frisky to keep themselves entertained while at home. But a new study has warned that having sex could spread coronavirus, and has advised that couples take preventative steps in the bedroom.

Look, I manscaped alright, now just let me dock at her “International Space Station.”

This includes avoiding kissing, showering before and after sex, and even wearing masks while having sex.

Pfft, I rarely shower before OR after sex. I figure all the sweat eradicates the junk germs.

In the study, researchers from Harvard University ranked different sexual scenarios, based on how like you are to catch coronavirus during them.

Abstinence and masturbation were ranked as ‘low risk’ sexual activities, while sex with people within a household, and sex with people from other households were ranked as ‘high risk’ activities.

Masturbation could be an option for me, but if you had any idea how dirty my penis is, I mean, wow, it’s just absolutely filthy. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-inch pole. But hey, good luck with your new restrictions, Britain; I’m sure it’ll lead to a veritable population explosion.

Livin’ DaVida Loca

I might as well end the day on a stupid note. Meet DaVida Sal, a “performance artist” from California who stripped outside a Trader Joe’s to protest Los Angeles’ ridiculous lockdown orders.

A performance artist wore a bikini made out of blue surgical masks near a Trader Joe’s in Los Angeles to protest lockdown restrictions.

The half-naked artist, DaVida Sal, was not covering her mouth but repurposed one mask as a blindfold, taking a jab at the perceived “blindness” of those complying with social distancing measures.

Sal wrote in a Facebook post that she subscribes to a theory that coronavirus is a hoax created to erode freedoms by forcing people to wear masks in public and maintain a six-foot distance from each other.

The coronavirus is not a hoax, darling. The continuous lockdown perpetuated by blue state governors is also not a hoax, per se. It is, however, a completely transparent attempt to ruin President Trump’s reelection chances.

So next time you wanna get naked, go with the governors theory… and call me beforehand.