Caption Contest Winners

The Defenestration Of Massachusetts Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. At Spirit Airlines we just said you are going to Topeka, we didn’t say the plane was landing there. – Ingineer66
4. Antifa on Air Pinochet Flight 2022. – RD
3. PULL! – RudyTBone
2. The Border Patrol is testing its trebuchets for their new Mexican Reclamation Project. – Barry D.

WINNER! – Diego brings Wyatt a stolen gun without proper paperwork one time too many. – Veeshir

Weekend Caption Contest

The Defenestration Of Massachusetts Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, July 5th.

Original Caption: Kids jump off a breakwater into the ocean on a hot summer day during a projected heatwave in Gloucester, Massachusetts. REUTERS/Brian Snyder

The Sword And The Loan

Well, it took him four decades, but a Massachusetts man has returned the bronze sword of General William Shepard after stealing it from the general’s statue in 1980.

Cindy P. Gaylord, the chair of Westfield’s Historical Commission, said a man contacted the city hall saying he had the sword stolen from the town’s statue of Gen. William Shepard in 1980, the Springfield Republican reported on Sunday.

Gaylord agreed to give the man anonymity if he returned the bronze sword and arranged for him and his wife to drop it off at her home, she said.

I wrote for my college newspaper, and we would go to Pizza Hut once every few weeks and have dinner on publishing day. Before leaving, I would put a dollar into the juke box and choose Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” four times before leaving the restaurant. I still feel remorse. True story.

“He had a great deal of shame and remorse,” Gaylord told the newspaper. “He is a veteran and told me the fact that he did this to another soldier troubled him. He wants the story printed to remind people that something you do in your youth could haunt you for the rest of your life.”

Shepard was born in the area in the 1730s and fought as a militiaman and soldier in multiple wars, including the American Revolution. The town erected the bronze statue of him in 1919.

Eh, all of us make mistakes, especially when we’re young. I give the man credit for owning up to his mistake and delivering the sword in person. That could not have been easy.

Feuer Frei!

A Massachusetts teenager imagined a unique way to ask a girl to the prom. The girl said yes, and she was really fired up about it.

Jacob Hanley, a senior at Acton-Boxborough High School, invited his friend to prom by lighting the question on fire this week.

Jacob invited two friends, including his intended date, upstairs Tuesday night. When he excused himself under the pretense of going to the bathroom, he ran outside to put his plan in motion.

“He had a whole team of people in the driveway, all of his friends, waiting, and they were helping with lighting it up and so he left for the bathroom, and he went down and helped them out with lighting, you know, the ‘prom’ with the question mark. And then his idea to get their attention was to blast heavy metal music,” his mom explained.

Why the hell would Jacob ask Claire to the Promp? Oh, the question mark was a little too close. My bad.

Flippy Girl

Meet Shannon Moore of Massachusetts.

Shannon likes to get her party on, and she just flips for adult beverages. No, she literally flips for them.

A Massachusetts woman who flipped her car was still rolling when cops booked her for driving under the influence.

Shannon Moore was all smiles after West Springfield police arrested her following a two-car crash that reportedly caused Moore’s automobile to flip over. The happy-go-lucky motorist declined to cooperate with firefighters when they arrived to see if she’d been injured.

I’m not sure what’s more troubling, the fact this woman flipped her car, or that West Springfield police arrested Shirley from What’s Happening?

Mark Your Colanders!

Lindsay Miller MassachusettsMeet Lindsay Miller of Lowell, Massachusetts. Lindsay is a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and decided to stand up for her religious beliefs against its most egregious violator: the Massachusetts BMV.

Way to fight the good fight, Lindsay.

A Massachusetts agency is letting a woman who belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster wear a colander on her head in her driver’s license photo after she cited her religious beliefs. Lowell resident Lindsay Miller says wearing the spaghetti strainer allows her to express her beliefs, like other religions are allowed to do.

A spokesman for the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles says policy does not permit head coverings or hats on license photos, but exceptions are made for religious reasons. (H/T – TXNick)

I wonder if Lindsay’s religion believes eating pasta is blasphemous? Are meatballs considered patron saints? Does she bless herself with holy tomato sauce? Inquiring minds want to know.

Come to think of it, hockey is my religion, so I demand to wear this for my next diver’s license photo.