CNN: The Cutting Edge Of Edginess

CNN burped out an article – no, I’m not linking it, because CNN is hot garbage – fretting about sex workers in Tijuana, Mexico, and their chances of catching the Wuhan Virus. Whatever will this trash organization do when the Wuhan is gone?

Tijuana, Mexico’s famed red-light district, called Zona Norte, sits a stone’s throw from the US-Mexico border. Calle Coahuila, the area’s main strip, is normally teeming with a frenetic action bathed in neon light.

Women in short dresses and the highest of high heels stand along the sidewalks, beckoning groups of men to spend some time and money with them. Massive strip clubs, some with hotels attached, act as de facto brothels.

Well I know where I’m spending summer vacation next year!

Many specifically cater to the thousands of Americans who cross the border from California each month, looking for a kind of fun that can’t be found legally in the United States, except maybe in some Nevada counties where prostitution is permitted.

The drivel goes on for a few more paragraphs, whining about the sex workers and their chances of getting Wuhan Virus. There’s very little about chlamydia, herpes, or AIDS, but plenty of the Wuhan. So apparently CNN is more concerned with the Wu-Flu than something that can actually kill these young women.

Bravo CNN< you hit another one out of the f**king park!

Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Today is Cinco de Mayo, which commemorates Mexico’s victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. One wonders how amazing Mexico would be if it was run by the French.

Anyhoo, the reason I’m posting this – besides the obligatory Salma Hayek photo – is most of my coworkers are really pissed off they can’t go out and get hammered at a bar this evening. They’re younger and have a better tolerance for alcohol, unlike this old timer.

The Wuhan virus lockdown has driven everyone crazy, and after two months with the kids home all day, every day, the missus and I decided it would be nice to have some alcohol in the house. I headed to the store and got the missus some Seagram’s drinks and a twelve-pack of Sierra Nevada beer for me.

It’s been a while since I had a beer. I had one at Christmas, and before that… I honestly don’t know. Months, easily. So after jumping back on the wagon – or off it, who remembers? – I realized my tolerance is very low. One beer had me nearly completely drunk, and I sipped most of it. It’ll be a while before I can have more than one a day, but it at least takes the edge off the screaming kids.

Our Best And Brightest, Folks

During interviews with Telemudo, soon-to-be-former Democratic presidential candidates Tom Steyer and Amy Klobuchar did not know the name of the current Mexican president. Aye caramba!

Democratic presidential hopefuls Tom Steyer and Amy Klobuchar were unable to name the president of Mexico in interviews with Telemundo News this week.

Steyer, Klobuchar, and Pete Buttigieg were individually interviewed on the Spanish-language station on Thursday night while campaigning in Nevada ahead of the state’s caucus on February 22. When each were asked to name the president of Mexico, Klobuchar, a three-term Minnesota senator, answered “no.” Steyer, a billionaire businessman, also answered “no.”

Buttigieg, former mayor of South Bend, Indiana, was the only one of the three able to correctly name President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador. Obrador was sworn in as president of Mexico in December 2018.

I eagerly await Democrats across the country calling out Steyer and Klobuchar for their obvious racism, because you’d be damned sure they would screech if a Republican didn’t know the president’s name.

Caption Contest Winners

The I’ve Got A Golden Ticket Caption Contest is now over.

Top Three Entries:
3. I prefer the yellow Swifter dusters and lint removers, Thank You very much! – Dalek
2. Yes, this is proof from CNN that Acosta and Lemon have had their rabies shots. – Ronni

WINNER! – Bring me Obama’s college transcripts and you can see my tax return. – Ingineer66

Weekend Caption Contest

I’ve Got A Golden Ticket Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, June 17th.

Original Caption: President Donald Trump holds up what he described as proof of a deal with Mexico on immigration and trade as he speaks to the news media prior to departing for travel to Iowa from the South Lawn of the White House in Washington. REUTERS/Leah Millis

Tax And Bend

It would appear Mexico received President Trump’s tariff message, and they are, for now, jumping on the team and coming on in for the big win.

Acting Homeland Security Secretary Kevin McAleenan said the White House’s immigration deal includes an array of fresh concessions from Mexico, pushing back against questions over whether the president actually pushed Mexico to agree to new terms.

“We’ve heard commitments before from Mexico to do more on their southern border. The last time they deployed down there was about four or 500 officers,” he said. “This is more than a tenfold commitment to increase their security in Chiapas — that’s where people are entering from Guatemala into southern Mexico.”

It will shock you to learn the fake news media urinalists are claiming there is nothing new to this deal, and furthermore, orange man bad.

The U.S. has revoked its threat to slap the Latin American country with a 5% tariff on all of its goods. In return, the Mexican government has pledged to send around 6,000 National Guard troops to its southern border with Guatemala, allow more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico, and more forcefully combat human trafficking and smugglers.

The president has also stated the tariffs will be imposed if Mexico does not comply, stating, “I am now altering the deal, pray I do not alter it any further… “

Caption Contest Winners

The Live Free Or Lie Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. Pose for a picture, get a free cell phone and a bag of Takis. Sweet! – Jim
4. “Cut! Third cop from the right stop smiling. Get the kids shoes off and make his feet look bloody. I want this to make the sucker libtards cry in horror” – Cathy
3. Those Tijuana tacos are silent but deadly. – Ingineer66
2. Looks like Comey did get subpoenaed after all. – MelP

WINNER! – Honduran planking finalist…. – Sully

Weekend Caption Contest

Live Free Or Lie Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, December 3rd.

Original Caption: Fernando Velosque, a 6-year-old migrant boy from Honduras, part of a caravan of thousands from Central America trying to reach the United States, lies on the ground in front of Mexican riot police as migrants gather outside the El Chaparral port of entry of border crossing between Mexico and the United States, as seen from Tijuana, Mexico. REUTERS/Hannah McKay

I Now Pronounce You Tree And Bride

A mass wedding was performed in Oaxaca, Mexico last week, where female activists married trees.

The mass marriage was meant to draw attention to illegal logging, a serious problem in Mexico, where a third of the land area is covered by forest. Bride Dolores Leycigi said the ceremony was a statement about the planet’s future.

“Marrying a tree is a way of protesting, to say that we need to stop exterminating Mother Earth every day, every minute, every second,” she said.

The marriages aren’t legally binding, but tree bride Andrea Tanat said getting hitched with a tree still requires a serious commitment.

Like commitment to a mental institution. If nothing else, the husbands will always be sporting wood.

He Is Definitely A Mexican

Like every normal person on Earth, it bothers me to see people going onto the disability rolls for minor, inconsequential maladies.

However, the usual “whiplash” complaint has now been usurped by the guy claiming his giant penis interferes with his career.

Roberto Esquivel Cabrera’s penis measures 18 inches, reaching his knees. The 55-year-old from Saltillo, Mexico, has dangled weights off his penis for his entire life to increase its size.

Dude, where were you with this advice during my high school years?

However, he’s now receiving benefits to help him live while he tries to find a solution to his problem. He said: ‘I cannot wear a uniform like anybody in the companies and also I cannot get on my knees.’

Well, if nothing else, he will always stand for the national Anthem.

He hit headlines when he smashed the unofficial world record held by US actor Jonah Falcon, whose penis was 9.5 inches flaccid and 13.5 inches when erect. Yet despite being super-endowed, the 54-year-old’s penis has caused him a number of health problems, including frequent urinary tract infections because not all his urine escapes his foreskin.

Wait, he still has his foreskin? Oh now this clown is simply padding his stats.