The Man Was Sent To Marvin Gardens

A Chisago County, Minnesota driver was pulled over by the police last Friday, and when the officer approached the window, this dullard gave him the worst possible piece of identification.

Drivers “do not pass go” and “do not collect $200” if they try to hand a sheriff’s deputy a “Get Out of Jail Free Card” from the board game “Monopoly,” according to authorities.

That’s the message passed on by the Chisago County Sheriff’s Office in a social media post over the weekend.

The driver handed over his license and the Monopoly card. Wow.

The Chisago County Sheriff’s Office didn’t elaborate on what the driver was stopped for, and if they were ever at risk of being put in jail.

I’m assuming they didn’t lock him up, because his stupidity was the best punishment.

Good Bye Minnesota! You Won’t Be Missed.

Protesters gesture after the Minneapolis police 3rd Precinct building was set on fire Thursday night, May 28, 2020, during demonstrations over the Monday death of George Floyd in Minneapolis police custody. (Carlos Gonzalez/Star Tribune via AP)

Governor Tim Walz, the leftist jackass running Minnesota nowadays, has decided to go against Minnesota’s constitution and allow felons to vote the moment they are released from prison.

Felons in Minnesota are now eligible to vote immediately upon release from incarceration after Democrat Gov. Tim Walz signed the “Restore the Vote” bill into law on March 3.

“Minnesotans who have completed time for their offenses and are living, working, and raising families in their communities deserve the right to vote. As a state that consistently ranks among the top three in voter turnout, Minnesota will continue to lead in the fight to protect and expand the right to vote,” Gov. Walz said in a press release.

I think this is a great idea, as I am sure these felons will vote for more police officers on the street, more restrictive drug laws, and keeping Minnesota nice. Nah, I’m pulling your chain. Your state is about to become New Mexico. Enjoy the violence.

The passage in the state’s Senate the week prior came after the Minnesota Supreme Court ruled that the state Constitution didn’t guarantee convicted felons the right to vote and that the state Legislature would ultimately make a decision on the issue.

As the law currently stands, felons who have completed their prison term but remain on felony supervision or probation are prevented from voting.

Well hey, if the legislature wants to run around their constitution, that’s on them. For my part, I think it’s going to be great when the violence in places like Minneapolis skyrocket. Pretty soon, Minneapolis will have Chicago-style murder rates.

The Fishin’ Magician

Meet Seth Trobec, a YouTuber from Minnesota who creates videos of the great outdoors. Seth was with his friend Cody, and they were taping a video of ice fishing. Both were in the tent, and Cody left to pick up another friend. That’s when the fun begins.

An ice fishing mishap caught on camera in northern Minnesota has been viewed around 150,000 times on YouTube.

The video was uploaded by Seth Trobec, who was filming the inaugural video for his Get In There Outdoors YouTube page when his buddy Cody Mjolsness left to go pick up another friend on their snowmobile.

Unfortunately, Mjolsness forgot that the snowmobile was still hooked up to their fish house, and he drove away with it still connected, and Trobec still inside. As Mjolsness starts speeding away, Trobec dives into the gap to escape, taking a tumble on the ice.

One of my favorite films is Fargo, and I definitely think Cody needs to be fed into the woodchipper.

You can see the video below the fold….

Terrorist Congresscritter Has The Sads

Ilhan Omar, the brother-marrying leftist buffoon is angry that a Minnesota judge struck down her measure to defund and overhaul the Minneapolis Police Department.

Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) is furious about a recent court decision to block a measure that would overhaul the Minneapolis police department.

Like anyone gives a f**k about this Somali terrorist politician.

On Tuesday, the controversial far-left House member claimed that democracy is not being adequately served during a town hall meeting in Minneapolis amid divisive rhetoric and a possible veiled threat.

According to Fox News, Jamie Anderson, the Hennepin District Judge reviewing the measure, called the language “unreasonable and misleading” and struck the measure down.

“This ballot measure should be on the ballot,” said Omar during the meeting. “As you can tell, I’m pretty upset about it.”

This POS has a 24/7 armed protection detail, but she wants to make sure her constituents have no such privileges. Omar is protected, but hey if you get shot, oh well.

Completely unrelated:

Philadelphia Police say two shooters walked up onto the porch and fired at least eight shots into the home, striking a 19-year-old man and a 49-year-old man.

The 19-year-old victim later died at the hospital. The 49-year-old man, who police say may be the father of the teenager, is listed in critical but stable condition.

Minutes after the gunfire rang out, police responded and a witness was able to alert police to an area where the shooters fled. Soon after, officers found a male suspect running. That’s when the suspect started to shoot at officers.

This incident happened not only in my former police district, but also in my former sector. Good to see Weikel Street is still a haven for drugs and shootings.

Minne-Tow-Ta

The Minnesota Department of Transportation has unveiled their new weapon against snow. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I give you the Tow Plow.

If you see a giant snowplow that looks like the trailer is spinning off the back of the plow, don’t worry – it’s just the Minnesota Department of Transportation’s tow plow.

A tow plow is a 26-foot plow with an adjustable blade that’s mounted on a trailer and pulled by a tandem-axle snowplow, allowing a plow driver to clear more snow in a single pass than it would with a regular snowplow.

But apparently, tow plows scare people when they going into action, with some thinking the trailer is spinning off the back of the plow, according to the MnDOT Minute video the department shared Thursday.

This is sheer genus, which makes me think no one from Minnesota actually invented this creation.

Some Men Just Need A Hangin’

After my mother’s services were finished, I wanted to become a better person. More forgiving, more patient, etc. Then I read this story, and realized there are truly terrible people in this world.

Meet Jason Mesich of Minnesota. Jason claims he was not getting enough sex at home, and instead of calmly discussing the topic, he allegedly murdered his wife and shot his neighbors afterward.

Jason Mesich, 48, told deputies that he got in an argument Sunday night with his wife, Angela Lynn Mesich, over the amount of sex they were having, according to a criminal complaint from the Hennepin County Attorney’s Office. As the argument intensified, he said he “probably” went inside and got a gun, then pointed the gun in his wife’s face and “probably emptied” it shooting her, authorities allege.

The woman’s dead body was later recovered with “numerous” gunshot wounds in her neck and upper body.

Meanwhile, several of Mesich’s neighbors were outside helping move items into a U-Haul truck. Mildred Saulter and her 29-year-old daughter Canisha were carrying items, while the Saulter’s 12-year-old daughter Makayla was holding her infant niece, the Rev. Marcia Westbrook, the girls’ aunt, said.

When Mesich allegedly opened fire, Makayla immediately turned to shield the infant with her body, Westbrook said. She was shot in the head, while Canisha was shot multiple times in the legs.

Mesich was charged with three counts of second-degree murder, and hopefully he will receive the death penalty; instituted by the state or by his new friends in prison.

Minnesota Spice

Just when you thought Minnesota couldn’t possibly get any worse, some local cops are now citing and fining lake beachgoers for sunning themselves while topless or in the nude.

The Golden Valley Police Department used a drone to catch beachgoers breaking the law by going topless or nude at Twin Lake, just west of Theodore Wirth Park.

Wait, wait, wait, the department spying on nude sunbathers is called Golden Valley? HA HA! I’m sure they explored those valleys deeply.

The serenity on the somewhat hidden beach is what draws visitors, along with an understanding of sorts that many freely bare their body. Elsie Olin frequents the beach.

“It’s really well known for being a safe place to just be comfortable,” Olin said.

When Olin was there Friday, July 10, that freedom of expression wasn’t free from consequence as officers began taking information from people to potentially cite them for being topless or nude.

Minnesota won’t arrest or charge rioters, looters, or arsonists, but they’ll damn well dish out citations to topless beachgoers on a sparsely populated lake? Good grief, Minnesota, just secede to Canada already.

Minnesota Senator Blows Off Debate

Meet Senator Tina Smith (D – MN). Tina, the successor to dimwitted pervert Al Franken, is so sure of her reelection she decided to skip a debate with her Republican challenger. Sadly, Minnesota is the bluest of blue states, so this arrogant twat will probably win reelection.

Democrats have spent over $1 million on ads for Minnesota Democratic Senator Tina Smith after she skipped a debate against her challenger earlier this month.

Smith decided not to join her Republican opponent Karin Housley for their scheduled debate on October, 22. As a result, Housley instead participated in a live interview on the stage where she was supposed to have debated the Democratic incumbent.

Even without appearing in the debate, Smith is currently favored 47 percent to 41 percent, according to a Star Tribune/MPR News Minnesota Poll released last week. The survey interviewed 800 Minnesotan likely voters and there’s a margin of error of 3.5 percent.

To be brutally honest, I have never heard of Tina Smith. So why does she look so familiar? Oh, now I know where I saw her before!

Weekend Caption Contest

Let’s Pants Caption Contest
(Source: HuffPo Weird News)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted Monday, January 25th.

Original Caption: “January temperatures are so frigid in the Twin Cities that pants can be made to stand up on their own. Now locals are freezing jeans and putting them in their yards as icy sculptures.”

Other Contests:
Bright & Early
Rodney Dill

Friends, Romans, Lend Me Your Ears

Meet Jamie Elrod of St. Cloud, Minnesota.

Jamie has everything you want in a woman: good looks, mental stability, and a biting wit. Just ask her husband… once he is out of surgery.

When cops arrived at the St. Cloud home of Jamie Elrod, 37, and her spouse, they spotted blood and broken dishes in the kitchen. Then, in a bedroom, officers discovered “blood spattered on the wall and a piece of an ear on the ground.”

Investigators concluded that “there appeared to be a physical fight” during which the victim’s ear was “torn off” by Elrod.

The victim told police that the couple’s “argument was over beer.” Court records offer no further insight into the nature of the duo’s beer dispute, which occurred after they returned home from a bar. (H/T – Rick)

This is all just a big misunderstanding. You see, Jamie’s husband asked her to take his beer. She thought he said, “take my ear,” and then proceeded to bite it off. And really, in fairness, Jamie only bit off a small piece of ear. It’s not like she went all Mr. Blonde on the guy.