Um, Thank You, Drive Through

A Missouri man slammed into a Conoco station and continued into the store, striking two people.

One person was injured earlier today when a passenger vehicle driven by an unlicensed driver swerved off the roadway near Independence Avenue and Woodland, striking a pedestrian light pole on the sidewalk.

According to witness reports, the driver then panicked hitting the gas and careening into the store, striking the front sales counter. The clerk suffered a broken leg in the accident and was transported to an area hospital. Another man was pinned by the car up against a counter.

There is some good news. The driver walked away without a scratch…

The man allegedly took two beers from the cooler, refused medical treatment at the scene and walked eastbound on the Avenue.

The dude refused medical attention because the beer was going to take the edge off.

Welcome To The Show Shoot Me State

I don’t know about you guys, but when I go fishing, I usually leave the rod at home and bring my .357 magnum pistol. It’s much more sporting that way.

A northeast Missouri man is hospitalized after accidentally shooting himself while fishing.

Schuyler County Sheriff Joe Wuebker told KTVO the victim is Derek Shaw, 33, of Memphis, Missouri. The sheriff said Shaw was fishing alone on a family member’s farm when the shooting happened.

Shaw told investigators he was messing around with his .357 magnum when it accidentally discharged. The bullet from the handgun struck Shaw in the upper left chest area.

It’s both a miracle and a shame Shaw survived. Stupidity like this should have earned a Darwin Award.

You May Pyre When Ready

Missouri’s “Jedi Disposal Act” may soon allow funeral pyres for the dearly departed.

It’s a bummer the Missouri bill nicknamed the “Jedi Disposal Act” does not, as the name suggests, legally recognize the Jedi’s right to live on after death as blue ghosts.

Instead, Senate Bill 455, which is awaiting the signature of Missouri Governor Parson, would legalize open-air cremations — that is, burning the deceased on some kind of funeral pyre. As first reported by the Kansas City Star, the nickname stuck because lawmakers couldn’t help but think of the Jedi funeral rites displayed after the death of Darth Vader, who is burned on a pyre at the end of Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

Normally, I have told my children to dump me into the Delaware River when I die – an absolutely true story – but I’m starting to warm up to a Missouri funeral pyre. Just burn me with a kick-ass lightsaber.

A Little Something For Everyone

Today begins two glorious days off. In fact, it is the first time in a month where my days off haven’t been occupied with college visits or hospital stays. As such, I am doing nothing today or tomorrow. Literally. Nothing. I will, of course, be posting, but I’m trying to rest the heart a bit before going back to work. In the meantime, here’s a smorgasbord of news which I found interesting.

This is the case we walked into at 7am yesterday. There are no words.

Police on Tuesday found the body of a 2-year-old child partially buried in a wooded section of Kemble Park in Philadelphia’s Ogontz section.

Homicide Capt. John Ryan told reporters that officers went to the park after the female caregiver of the 2-year-old went to police late Monday and led them to the park. Police used cadaver dogs in the predawn hours Tuesday to look for the remains and called in the Crime Scene Unit and the Medical Examiner’s Office after daylight.

Ryan said the body had been partially buried with the top of the head exposed. He indicated the remains had been there for some time.

People are savages. This “caretaker” took a week to report the child missing. A week. Let that sink in…

Continue reading “A Little Something For Everyone”