I Would Like To Have Seen Montana

If you’re planning to visit Big Sky Country any time soon, you’ll have to do so without any Whi-SKY. You see, F. Joe Biden’s administration still cannot fix the supply lines, and the state of Montana is completely out of Jameson whiskey.

In a strange quirk of ongoing pandemic-related shortages, there has hardly been a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey to be found at any bar in western Montana for nearly two months.

That’s according to multiple bar owners and liquor store managers.

Even in Butte, with its rich Irish history, the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day celebration will most likely not feature the coveted spirit.

“We only have two precious bottles left that we’ve been saving for St. Patrick’s Day,” said Lacey Clements, a bartender at Maloney’s, an Irish bar on Main Street. “It’ll be first-come, first-served. All of the liquor stores are out and they’ve told us any more bottles are still a month or so away.”

Now, the be perfectly honest, I am not a huge fan of whiskey. When I still played ice hockey, I drank it, because our sponsor was a bar that always had Jameson on hand. But it doesn’t like me, and I rarely like it, although I did have some on New Year’s Eve when Kyle had his friends over.

It sucks for the St. Patrick’s crowd, but you all know who’s to blame.

Bison Don’t Care About Social Distance

Meet Deion Broxton, a reporter from NBC Montana. Deion was on location at Yellowstone National Park doing a live report when a herd of bison approached him. Yeah, that’s not ideal.

This is a video of NBC Montana reporter Deion Broxton briefly keeping it cool as a cucumber as he’s approached by a herd of bison outside Yellowstone National Park before deciding to retreat to his car’s hatchback for safety. He emerged a brief time later to get another video of the bison once they’ve moved off to a safer distance.

You can see the video at the link. It’s pretty hilarious.

Lie Back And Think Of Jennifer England

Meet Samantha Mears of Great Falls, Montana. Samantha dearly loves her ex-boyfriend, but there is a reason she has an ex-boyfriend.

As detailed in a criminal complaint, Samantha Mears, 19, entered the victim’s Great Falls residence Friday when he was not home. When the man returned, Mears “confronted him from behind with a machete.” Mears then allegedly told the man to “get on the bed and remove his clothes.”

Investigators charge that after Mears removed her pants, she climbed atop the victim “and they engaged in intercourse.” The victim said that Mears–who was holding the machete–bit him on the arm and “continued to have sex with him after he attempted to end” the encounter.

The victim told Great Falls police that he had “become aroused by seeing her without any undergarments on.” The man added that, after ejaculating, he “attempted to push Mears off of him to end the intercourse,” but she proceeded to bite his arm and “continued to have sex with him until he was no longer erect.”

God, what a pussy. “Waaah, a fairly attractive psychopath had sex with me until my penis surrendered! Waaah, someone arrest this woman for riding me all night!” Jesus, considering most of the women who sexually assault guys, this broad is practically Kate Upton.

Big Cry Country

You may have heard the brouhaha involving Montana GOP congressional candidate Greg Gianforte and Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs. Gianforte allegedly assaulted Jacobs earlier this week, and the MSM cannot clutch their pearls hard enough.

Yesterday, the incident’s eyewitness decided she was “modifying” her story.

A reporter who was a firsthand witness to an incident late Wednesday involving Montana GOP candidate Greg Gianforte and a reporter for the Guardian now admits she may have misstated some details of her initial story.

Guardian reporter Ben Jacobs claimed Gianforte, locked in a hotly contested special election for Congress, body-slammed him and broke his glasses at a campaign event Wednesday. Local authorities have brought misdemeanor assault charges against Gianforte.

Fox News reporter Alicia Acuna initially reported Gianforte grabbed Jacobs by the neck, but later told Laura Ingraham Gianforte may have grabbed the reporter’s clothes. Pretty big difference if you ask me. For their part, the Gianforte camp offered this explanation of the incident:

“Tonight, as Greg was giving a separate interview in a private office, the Guardian’s Ben Jacobs entered the office without permission, aggressively shoved a recorder in Greg’s face, and began asking badgering questions,” the statement read. “Jacobs was asked to leave.”

“Greg then attempted to grab the phone that was pushed in his face,” the Gianforte statement continues, “Jacobs grabbed Greg’s wrist, and spun away from Greg, pushing them both to the ground.”

Gee, I have a difficult time believing a member of the media would be such an aggressive douchebag… said no one ever. Look, I don’t condone the assault – if one even occurred – but the fact that the MSM gleefully cheers people assaulting Trump supporters keeps my empathy meter bone dry.