True Detective Stories

So the other day we received a stolen gun report. We get a few of them every day, and approximately seventy-five percent of them are either dullards who forgot where they placed their firearm, or people make straw purchases.

Straw purchases are used to describe people who purchase a firearm, then sell said firearm to someone who would never pass a background check, like criminals, illegal immigrants, or Cher.

I was searching for someone who would do a professional, no-nonsense investigation, and while scanning the floor, it hit me. Diego the Idiot Detective!

The reason for this was two-fold. First, it gets this braying jackass out of our hair for at least a half hour, and second, he will surely do something stupid during the interview, showering the rest of with raucous laughter. He did not disappoint…

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