It’s 4:30, Time For Leafing

A naked man was found in Lancaster County (PA) sitting along the side of the road eating grass. I now completely understand why the Amish have isolated themselves from the local population.

A naked man was found along Route 72 in Penn Township eating flowers and grass on Sunday morning.

Police were dispatched to the scene after a call reporting a naked man gardening.

Officers located the man who appeared to be in his mid-thirties, covered in feces and eating grass and leaves. (H/TMis. Hum.)

I mean, I can understand being covered in feces – believe me – but eating leaves, grass, and flowers? Dude, Woodstock ended fifty-one years ago. Lousy naked hippies.

Punch And Booty

A man decided to travel to Butler County, PA to take in a drive-in movie. Once there, he decided to remove his clothes, either because it was too hot outside or the film starred Scarlett Johansson.

A naked man was arrested when state police said he fought with security guards at a drive-in theater in Butler County.

Troopers were called to the Starlight Drive-In on North Main Street Extension in Center Township after Ronald Sito, 28, of Madison, Ohio, allegedly took off his clothes and became belligerent.

Pfft, Ohio. That explains it.

He’s also accused of punching three people when he was asked to leave. When troopers arrived and tried to take Sito into custody, state police said he became aggressive and resisted arrest.

Well honestly, if you’re going to take your clothes off, why wouldn’t you start punching people?

A Nice Bun-Day Drive

A naked man led Delaware and Pennsylvania State Police on a chase up and down Interstate 95 near Philadelphia. The naked man spent time traveling in the wrong direction on I-95 as well.

Delaware State Police say they received a call around 7:20 p.m. Wednesday concerning a vehicle traveling southbound in the northbound lanes of I-95 in the area of Martin Luther King Boulevard in Wilmington.

Police say the driver, later identified as Kyle R. Merena, refused to stop and continued to travel southbound in the northbound lanes before entering into the Delaware Service Plaza.

Merena then turned around and began traveling I-95 northbound, now in the northbound lanes, still refusing to stop. Merena traveled across the grass median and then continued northbound in the southbound lanes of I-95.

Merena’s SUV finallly came to a stop, but not before striking a Pennsylvania State Police vehicle, which was towed from the scene with minor damage.

Police say Merena, who was completely naked, exited his disabled vehicle and attempted to flee, but was taken in to custody by Pennsylvania Troopers after a short foot pursuit.

Ironically, this event coincided with a Philadelphia police pursuit of a man wanted for multiple homicides. That man is still at large.

Chick-Fil-Gay?

Meet Cory Hatzl of, where else, Florida. Like most Americans, Cory is a big fan of Chick-Fil-A, but it has nothing to do with their food and everything to do with their spacious parking lots.

Cory Hatzl, 30, was arrested Monday morning after a woman called authorities around 1 a.m. saying Hatzl was chasing her boyfriend and “trying to fight” him.

The woman received a call from her boyfriend who was riding his bike by a Winn-Dixie on Palm Coast Parkway when Hatzl started chasing him. The woman said when she and her boyfriend arrived at the Chick-fil-A, Hatzl tried to fight her boyfriend and then started to take off his clothes.

Officials said Hatzl kept yelling at the woman’s boyfriend, “you’re gay for looking at my penis.”

It seems cut-rate Tom Sizemore has a homophobia problem… and a neckbeard problem.

Naked And Afraid

naked-russian-manIf there is one thing I have learned living in a neighborhood surrounded by Russian women, it’s there are no hotter chicks on the face of the Earth. However, there is a flip side of that coin. While crazy stupid hot, many Russian women are also, well, crazy.

There is at least one man who can attest to this fact.

The walk of shame is rarely a pleasant experience – but spare a thought for this man who was thrown out by his lover during sex and forced to navigate the icy streets of Russia while completely naked.

A video shows the man got something of a frosty reception from his lover, who chucked him out on the streets with no clothes on after a row. Footage shows the man shivering while trying to protect his modesty in front of stunned onlookers in the Russian city of Irkutsk, who are all wearing coats and hats to stay warm.

The phone footage was taken by amused officers and the man can be heard saying: ‘Help me, please! My girlfriend took all of my clothes and I can’t feel my legs.’

Pfft, I’m sure that’s not the only thing he can’t feel. In Soviet Russia, cold catches you!