Pols Realize No One Wants This Job

It only took them one year and a summer full of riots, but blue city mayors are finally figuring out no one wants to be a police officer, and current police officers cannot wait to leave the job.

Following the “defund the police” movement and the “abolish the police” movement, constant negative coverage of law enforcement by the media, anti-police sentiment becoming mainstream, and the threat of riots have contributed to a police shortage across the country.

Hmm, I wonder why that is?

The Philadelphia Police Department currently has 268 vacancies and is expecting even more shortages in the near future.

“From Jan. 1 through Thursday, 79 Philadelphia officers have been accepted into the city’s Deferred Retirement Option Program, meaning they intend to retire within four years, according to Mayor Jim Kenney’s office,” the Philadelphia Inquirer reported. “During the same time period last year, just 13 officers had been accepted into the program, the office said.”

What the article doesn’t mention is Philadelphia has a hiring freeze until 2023. This was done to appease the F**k the Police crowd. Kenney knows full well why we’re understaffed, and the reason is looking at him in the mirror.

Neighboring New Jersey is facing a “recruiting crisis,” according to Pat Colligan, president of the New Jersey State Policemen’s Benevolent Association.

Colligan said that recent notorious police-involved deaths of citizens such as George Floyd, Tamir Rice, and Breonna Taylor have impacted recruiting efforts.

Ya think? Blue cities and states are eliminating qualified immunity, politicians are not giving officers the equipment and support they need, and cops are more reviled than the thugs who walk the streets.

Personally, I hope everyone steers clear of policing, especially in blue states. These people hate you, and they will prove it if and when you make a mistake.

New Jersey And You: Inept Together

While I am confident Pennsylvania is – currently – one of the worst-run states in the oh-so-tenuous Union, our neighbor state is arguably more inept.

You see, residents of New Jersey’s nursing homes were expecting the Chinese Wuhan Vaccine yesterday, but that’s not going to happen, since the state missed the deadline.

New Jersey nursing home residents won’t be getting vaccinated Monday — because state officials missed the deadline.

But yes, keep continuing to elect Democrats, New Jersey. It’s going swimmingly.

“In order to start on the 21st there was a deadline of the 7th … we missed that date by a day,” Health Commissioner Judith Persichilli admitted at a press conference Friday. “We asked to start on the 21st and they said, ‘No, you’ll start on the 28th.’ It was as simple as that,” Persichilli said.

Whose fault is that, Judith? You’re the asshole who missed the deadline! How many people are going to die because of your incompetence? If you had any shred of decency, you’d resign immediately.

The mishap comes as New Jersey is also getting 20 percent fewer doses of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines through the end of the year.

Bravo, Governor Murphy. You just keep hitting them out of the f**king park!

The Red State Of Courage

This story is a few days old, but I thought I should comment on it because it’s so close to home. New Jersey Democratic Jeff Van Drew is leaving the Democratic Party on favor of the GOP, citing the Democrats’ fervent impeachment proceedings.

Several Democrats with knowledge of the matter told Politico that the question “was now when, not if, Van Drew was joining the Republican Party.” Meanwhile, multiple senior Democrats have tried unsuccessfully to reach the New Jersey lawmaker.

A moderate Democrat who has been a firm opponent of impeaching President Donald Trump, Van Drew was reportedly considering the switch in part to avoid a Democratic primary challenge in his district.

There are two ways you can look at this story. The pessimist’s rationale would say Van Drew is only switching parties to avoid being primaried by a rabid, unhinged leftist. That’s a fair point. The optimist’s rationale would believe Van Drew is truly disgusted with the hard left turn the Democratic party has made, and he is sick of the insanity.

While I have no dog in this fight – Van Drew’s move won’t make a difference in the impeachment vote – I can confirm he has been very vocal about being against impeachment since the beginning. If nothing else, the man has courage; and courage is a rare attribute in politics.

New Jersey & You: Burning Together

A New Jersey woman was so upset at missing a booty call that she decided to burn down the man’s home.

According to cops, Taija Russell, 29, torched Curtis Stokes’s home around 4 AM on August 4. Russell was arrested this week on several felony charges, including attempted homicide, aggravated arson, and aggravated assault.

Russell had initially texted Stokes “hello,” to which he responded, “Bring ya ass.” But Stokes, 32, told cops that he fell asleep after inviting Russell over and that he “later awoke to his house on fire.” During a police interview, Stokes referred to Russell as a “side chick.”

Yes, by all means, tell the world you have a “side chick,” as your real girlfriend reads about you in the news. This homie is too stupid to have a side chick, and he’s going to ruin it for the rest of us!

Oh, I’ve said too much…

Investigators say that when Russell arrived at the residence, the snoozing Stokes did not hear her at the front door. He also did not respond to a series of text messages sent by Russell while she was outside his home.

That is obviously not Taija above, but TXNick yelled at me for posting photos of ugly women yesterday.

It’s A Little Catnippy In Here

Proving once again, New Jersey is giving Flori-Duh a run for its money, the state’s citizens are now getting high on anti-anxiety pills… for pets.

Continuing our country’s rich tradition of semi-legal highs with embarrassing names and dangerous side effects, New Jersey police say they are now contending with people drinking something called “Catnip Cocktail,” which is sold as an anti-anxiety supplement for pets.

It’s unclear who formulates or distributes Catnip Cocktail, but the manufacturer’s website warns their product is “NOT approved for human consumption.” And with good reason: Alongside other obscure ingredients like “Rauwolfia Vomitoria Extract,” Catnip Cocktail contains a substance called 1,4-BD. Once inside the human body, this compound metabolizes into the more familiar GHB, a drug commonly associated with date rape.

Excellent, so we can anxiously await the leftist college chicks claiming they raped themselves, and will now sue the university for not creating a safe space.

Kinda related: We’ve officially turned our back on the Jersey shore, a place we’ve spent summers for decades. This year’s summer vacation will be spent in the Outer Banks.

Phil The Shill

New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy (above) and his leftist cronies are creating a bill which would force presidential candidates off the state ballot if they refuse to produce their tax returns.

New Jersey state lawmakers moved forward Thursday with a bill that could force President Donald Trump to disclose his tax returns. The Democrat-controlled state Senate voted along partisan lines, 23-11, to advance the measure to the General Assembly. One Democrat did not vote.

The bill, NJ S119 (18R), would require candidates for president and vice president to disclose their tax returns for the previous five years in order to appear on the ballot in New Jersey. The measure would also bar New Jersey’s electors from casting votes for a candidate who did not submit the returns.

Let’s pretend for a moment this bill is not completely and utterly unconstitutional, and assume all candidates hand in their forms. Now say a state like Texas decides a candidate may not appear on the ballot if they never had a job in the public sector in the last ten years (a thought proposed by local conservative talker Rich Zeoli). Every single declared candidate would be pushed off the ballot except Howard Schultz. Do you see the idiocy here?

If not, you can at least see the Democrats’ hypocrisy.

Sen. Joe Pennacchio (R-Morris) tried to force an amendment that would have expanded the measure to apply the same requirements to candidates for governor, state Senate and Assembly. His effort was quickly knocked down by the Democrats, who hold a solid majority in the upper house.

In case you never heard of Phil Murphy – probable, since the MSM never mentions his scandals – one of his aides allegedly raped a staffer during the 2017 gubernatorial election. Not only did Murphy not fire the alleged rapist, but he also ignored the victim’s pleas for help.

But yes, Phil, address the real problems of new Jersey… like tax returns. Douche.

Jersey Girl

A New Jersey woman went off her trolley this weekend after entering a convenience store, knocking items off shelves, then calmly walking to the register.

A bizarre customer meltdown captured on cellphone video shows a woman throwing bottles of beverages from fridges and sweeping items off shelves onto the floor before casually walking up to the cashier to try to pay for a bottle of Vitamin Water and a can of Pringles.

It’s not clear what sparked the meltdown inside the QuickChek convenience store at the Harrison Plaza Shopping Center on Bergen Street Friday morning. Employees tried to confront the woman as she marched through the aisle and swept her arm down the shelves, sending merchandise cascading onto the floor, video shows.

Wow. I only have one thing to say to this woman. Be my bride. BE MY BRIDE!

(You can see the video at the link above. Believe me, it’s worth your time.)

Putting On A Jersey Girl

We’re all painfully aware how defective many people from Florida are, but it’s important to note morons come in all shapes, sizes, and states. Take New Jersey’s Jessica Schlam, for instance.

A teen driver was trying to put on a sweatshirt Thursday morning when her Jeep veered into oncoming traffic and slammed into a sedan, sending her and the other driver to the hospital with serious injuries, Franklin Lakes police said.

Jessica Schlam, 19, of Franklin Lakes “was having difficulty” putting on the shirt when her 2017 Jeep Renegade veered across the double-yellow lane on northbound Pulis Avenue and rammed a 2017 Nissan Maxima driven by Mary Gaffney, 52, of Mahwah just before 7:30 a.m., Capt. John Bakelaar said.

In fairness, her breasts beeped the horn as she was wiggling into the sweater.

The Holy Hand Grenade

Two geniuses from New Jersey found a hand grenade while doing a residential cleanout, and started tossing it around, thinking it was fake. Not so much.

Two men diced with death when they started playing catch with a live hand grenade that they assumed was a fake. James Oliver, 24, runs his own waste removal business, BVE Clearances, and found the Second World War weapon as he was clearing a house.

As a laugh he chucked it at his work mate Connor Maher, 22, who caught it and threw it back. An enjoyable game of catch ensued, but it was only later they learned the grenade was live and a bomb disposal expert had to come and blow it up.

Ladies and gentlemen, it should be common practice to assume all firearms, hand grenades, and plasma rifles are always loaded and/or live.

Obligatory…

Continue reading “The Holy Hand Grenade”

Don’t Tax Me, Bro

Despite the despicable leftist policies in New York and California, New Jersey is overtaking both as the worst state in the nation. Taake this idea from a Democratic state senator, which calls for a tax on tap water.

Never short on ideas for things to tax, lawmakers in New Jersey are considering a tax on tap water. The proposal is being floated by State Sen. Bob Smith D-Middlesex, who is trying to say it’s not actually a tax but a ‘user fee’.

“It is a user fee based on volume,” Smith said. It would add 10 cents for every 1,000 gallons of water a home uses. Smith says that will only add $32 a year to the “average” water bill.

Leftist NJ Governor Phil Murphy just raised taxes by $2 billion, so what’s another $32, amirite?

He claims the money is needed to fix a crumbling water delivery infrastructure in the state.

This is absolute bullshit, and it’s the go-to catchphrase for leftist politicians. Philadelphia’s public schools are a disgrace, and over the past decade the state has given them $1.5 billion (billion with a “b”). When drunken jackass Mayor Jim Kenney imposed the beverage tax, he used the infrastructure excuse. Why is there an infrastructure problem when you just received $1.5 billion?

The same holds true with New Jersey. Why is there a need for infrastructure dollars when the governor just raised taxes by $2 billion? There isn’t. Democrats want to raise taxes because they can. Oh, and there’s this little tidbit…

The state already charges a public utility franchise tax on water system operators of $0.01 per 1,000 gallons of water delivered to a consumer. That tax, which went into effect in 1984, is supposed to “ensure clean drinking water in New Jersey.”

Honestly, if it weren’t for New Jersey’s beaches, there would be no reason to visit at all.