Someone’s Gettin’ Lucky

It’s difficult finding love when you’re a tip pot dictator in the worst country on the planet. Kim Jong-Un is so ronery, and he has so much love to give.

The good news is there’s a new Dragon Lady in town, and her name is Hyon Song-wol.

The ongoing drama of North Korea’s ruling dynasty has taken another twist with reports of a mystery power shift in the supreme leader’s Kim Jong-un inner circle. It appears his wife and ambitious sister have been pushed out by a former lover – one of the country’s leading pop stars.

They’re dead.

The two other women in Kim’s life, his wife, Ri Sol-ju and his sister Kim Yo-jong, seem to have been sidelined as the glamorous Hyon Song-wol is increasingly seen at his side.

They’re. Dead.

Ri Sol-ju, 31, has not been seen in public since the new year. Kim Yo-jong has disappeared from public view before, raising speculation that there might have been a falling-out between the pair, but she has bounced back without any acknowledgement of her absence.

FOR THE LAST TIME, THEY’RE DEAD!

Hyon Song-wol is the leader of The Moranbong Band – also known as Moran Hill Orchestra.

Eh, I mean she isn’t ugly. I’m sure she would look much better with some makeup, lingerie, and lying on my bed, but hey, who am I to argue? I wish the happy couple the best, and mourn her passing the second she displeases Kim Jong-Un.

Not Wise, Not Honest

A North Korean cargo tanker impounded by Indonesia has been given to the U.S. after the ship was found to be in violation of U.S. Sanctions. The best part about the Trump presidency is all the winning.

Wise Honest, a 17,061-ton carrier ship and one of North Korea’s largest bulk vessels, was awarded to the United States, the U.S. Justice Department said.

The ship was intercepted by Indonesian authorities in April 2018. On inspection, the vessel was found to contain North Korean coal, which the supply, transfer and sale of is prohibited under U.N. Security Council sanctions, the United States said.

According to a complaint filed by federal prosecutors in May, from at least November 2016 to its detention, the vessel exported North Korean coal to foreign buyers and imported heavy machinery back to the hermetic country. Prosecutors said that those involved in the conspiracy falsified documents to conceal the origins of the ship and its cargo. (H/T – TXNick)

Elizabeth Warren immediately declared if she wins the presidency, the coal will be dumped into the sea before it affects climate change. Warren would do it “for the children.”

Caption Contest Winners

The It Takes A Pillage Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. MelP’s video.
4. This child won the contest to ride our next ballistic missile into space with his essay titled “I’ll do anything to get out of North Korea!” – Dalek
3. Kim Jong Un declares himself the worlds greatest ventriloquist, his dummy has everyone executed for calling him a dummy… – Sully
2. Chairman Kim takes a queue from US Democrat front runner Joe Biden’s playbook. – Ingineer66

WINNER! – Finally! I found somebody shorter than I am! – Mike AKA Proof

Weekend Caption Contest

It Takes A Pillage Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, June 10th.

Original Caption: North Korean leader Kim Jong Un holds up a child as he watches a performance given by amateur art groups of the wives of officers of units of the Korean People’s Army (KPA) selected in the seventh round of the second-term contest of art groups of KPA officers’ wives, North Korea. KCNA/via REUTERS

Trump, Kim Agree To Denuclearization

President Trump and North Korean despot Kim Jong Un have agreed to denuclearize the Korean peninsula. The agreement is a huge win for the president, the United States, and the world.

Clasping hands and forecasting future peace, President Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un committed Tuesday to “complete denuclearization” of the Korean Peninsula during the first meeting in history between a sitting U.S. president and a North Korean leader. Yet as Trump toasted the summit’s results, he faced mounting questions about whether he got too little and gave away too much — including an agreement to halt U.S. military exercises with treaty ally South Korea.

Both leaders expressed optimism throughout roughly five hours of talks, with Trump thanking Kim afterward “for taking the first bold step toward a bright new future for his people.” Kim, for his part, said the leaders had “decided to leave the past behind” and promised: “The world will see a major change.”

While the president said he believes Kim is acting in good faith, he also stated there is a chance the agreement could crumble. For now, the president is proceeding with cautious optimism.

Oh, and that sound you hear is the leftist media weeping into their hands.

Winning Status: Still Not Tired

Three American men being held in North Korean labor camps were released yesterday after Secretary of State Mike Pompeo negotiated for their release. Obviously, Donald Trump is the worst president in American history.

President Donald Trump said Wednesday that three American prisoners released from North Korea were headed home, a sign of potential good will ahead of Trump’s planned meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.

As buzz built about their possible release, various media reports said that the American men — Kim Hak-Song, Kim Dong-Chul and Kim Sang-Duk, who is also known as Tony Kim — had been getting medical treatment. Reports said the men were moved from a labor camp to a hotel outside of the North Korean capital of Pyongyang, although the State Department could not confirm the stories’ validity.

Trump said Wednesday that the released prisoners “seem to be in good health.”

Wait a minute, why would a racist white supremacist want to release two Americans if Asian descent? It’s almost as if the media lied about President Trump’s views and attitudes towards race.

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Korea?

South Korean president Moon Jae In and North Korean ruler Kim Jong Un personally met yesterday near the border of their two countries. The hope is the two men can agree to finally end the Korean War and normalize relations.

The golden doors on the stately North Korean building swung open and leader Kim Jong Un, in a black Mao suit and surrounded by a gaggle of officials, descended steps towards the border. Not since the 1950-53 Korean War had a North Korean leader set foot on South Korean soil.

With a smile, Kim stretched out his hand toward a waiting, and smiling, South Korean President Moon Jae-in, who stood between the squat, blue buildings that straddle the border at Panmunjom.

So, how do you solve a problem like Korea? Apparently, you get President Trump involved. What, we can only give the president blame, and never some actual credit?

The Princess Snide

While I absolutely love the Winter Olympics – the Summer Olympics are hella-boring – I haven’t seen a single event this year. Part of it is because I can’t watch the games at work, and part if because our betters in the media are fawning over the most oppressive dictatorship on Earth.

While athletes from all around the world are competing in 2018 Winter Olympics, a lot of media outlets are busy fangirling brutal North Korean leader Kim Jon Un’s sister Kim Yo Jong. Yes THAT North Korea, the country where acute food shortages have killed millions and an unknown number of people are jailed in work camps. The same place where the leading causes of death in children are preventable ones like diarrhea and pneumonia due to the country’s lack of clean water.

Kim Yo Jong’s brother is starving his own people in order to develop nuclear weapons he’s threatening to use against the United States and other countries, but you might not know that about her based on these headlines.

CNN: “Kim Jong Un’s sister is stealing the show at the Winter Olympics”
YAHOO: “All swagger and smiles, Kim Jong Un’s mysterious sister gets her star turn at Winter Olympics”
BBC: “Kim Jong-un’s sister: ‘Sweet but with a tomboy streak’”
WASHINGTON POST: “The ‘Ivanka Trump of North Korea’ captivates people in the South”
ASSOCIATED PRESS: “At Olympic Games, Kim Jong Un’s sister takes VIP seat”

This twats’ family is responsible for the deaths of millions of people, including American Otto Warmbier who was killed last year. Of course, “news” networks like CNN, the BBC, and the Washington Post have already forgotten that incident, because leftists would rather support brutal dictatorial regimes than their own country.

You Can’t Spell Imbecile Without ICBM

North Korea, the nation-state equivalent of the short bus, apparently struck one of its own cities after a failed missile test.

On April 28, 2017, North Korea launched a single Hwasong-12/KN17 intermediate-range ballistic missile (IRBM) from Pukchang Airfield in South Pyongan Province (the Korean People’s Army’s Air and Anti-Air Force Unit 447 in Ryongak-dong, Sunchon City, to be more precise). That missile failed shortly after launch and crashed in the Chongsin-dong, in North Korean city of Tokchon, causing considerable damage to a complex of industrial or agricultural buildings.

According to a U.S. government source with knowledge of North Korea’s weapons programs who spoke to The Diplomat, the missile’s first stage engines failed after approximately one minute of powered flight, resulting in catastrophic failure. The missile never flew higher than approximately 70 kilometers.

Apparently, Kim Jong-Un’s missile program suffers from premature detonation; a common problem for men my age. Or so I’m told.

Kim Possible

Lost in the coverage of the terrible Texas floods was this little tidbit; bloated South Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un fired a missile over Japan today.

North Korea fired a ballistic missile over Japan’s northern Hokkaido island into the sea on Tuesday, prompting a warning from U.S. President Donald Trump that “all options are on the table” as the United States considers its response.

The test, one of the most provocative ever from the reclusive state, came as U.S. and South Korean forces conduct annual military exercises on the peninsula, angering North Korea which sees them as a preparation for invasion. Trump said the world had received North Korea’s latest message “loud and clear”.

“This regime has signalled its contempt for its neighbours, for all members of the United Nations, and for minimum standards of acceptable international behaviour,” Trump said in a statement released by the White House.

This inbred son of a bitch needs to be slapped down before one of his missiles “accidentally” strikes one of our allies… or the U.S. mainland.