Ohio Has A Lovely Glow This Year

If you live in Ohio, and wondering where your shipment of radioactive materiel has gone, have we got news for you!

Apparently, the Ohio shippers, um, lost track of the material, and just sat around hoping it would turn up.

Radioactive material reported missing in Ohio that had been en route to a facility in Michigan has been safely recovered.

The Ohio Bureau of Radiation Protection said the carrier found the material July 23, and it relayed the information to the Nuclear Regulatory Commission immediately. The source material was properly packaged and protected, and was in the possession of the carrier at all times, according to a statement from Alicia Shoults, a spokeswoman for the Ohio Department of Health.

Sure, they know that NOW, but they had no idea where it was for a few days.

The Ohio Department of Health had been notified by Prime NDT Services of Ohio that a source of Iridium-192 was shipped through an unidentified carrier on July 12 from its facility in Strasburg, Ohio, intended for a facility in Michigan, the NRC said. It had not yet arrived at its destination on July 20 and was believed to be in Tennessee.

Because any decent transporter would leave Ohio, travel south through Tennessee then back north to Michigan. Next time we go to the Outer Banks, we’ll head north to Boston, west to Ohio, then southeast to North Carolina. Imagine the time we’ll save!

Feel-Good Friday

Meet Robert Carter of Cincinnati, Ohio.

Robert is a single man who adopted three young boys from a family of five. Normally that in and of itself would be a great story. But amazing as that is, Robert then went above and beyond to keep a family together.

Meet Robert Carter, a single man from Ohio, who is now the legal father of five children he chose to adopt. While waiting for the adoption process to be approved, he worked hard to buy a new home for his new family.

“I’m relieved because I tried to go through the process before and it didn’t work out, but now I’m just happy that it’s over and I’m their dad for the rest of their life, and they know that they’ll never have to go through what they went through again,” Carter told FOX19.

Carter started fostering the 3 brothers Robert Jr., Giovanni, and Kiontae in December 2019. Their 2 sisters, however, Marionna and Makayla, remained in the foster system and the siblings had been separated for six months.

“We met up for visits, and all the kids were crying,” Carter said. “They didn’t want to leave each other, and at that moment, I knew, ok, I have to adopt all five.” (H/TMike AKA Proof)

Take all the actors, all the athletes, and all the entrepreneurs, and none of them would be a bigger hero than Robert Carter.

(Thanks to Misanthropic Humanitarian for the AOSGQ link.)

PA Makes A Run For The Border

Leftist Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf does not receive a lot of national press, but he is arguably one of the worst five governors in America.

Herr Wolf has adopted a Draconian stance on the Wuhan Virus lockdown, and while people in Pennsylvania are suffering, they occasional go over the wall… toward Ohio.

An Ohio restaurant has named Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf their “employee of the month” after a business boom. Erie News Now reports that Breakwall BBQ say that they’ve had hundreds of customers cross the border to eat at their restaurant.

While the restaurant owner claims the title is tongue-in-cheek, it speaks volumes about Herr Wolf’s actions during the pandemic, and residents’ feelings toward him.

“A lot of people from Pennsylvania who wanted to get out of of their houses got out of their houses and came and visited us,” owner Mike Morgan said.

Erie County continues to be in the “yellow phase.” The owners say they’ve broken sales records, and a big chunk of it is Pennsylvanians.

Expect all these Pennsylvanians to be charged by Herr Wolf and his Stasi in the next few weeks.

Where The Beer And Antelope Play

Okay, maybe I was a little hard on Ohio, because if this is what happens there, I should renege many of my snide comments about the Buckeye State.

The tooth fairy may not be real, but thankfully there’s a beer fairy.

A woman in Ohio was recently surprised to find a couple of mysterious care packages appearing on her doorstep. When she checked her doorbell camera to find out who dropped off the gifts, she probably wasn’t expecting to see what the cameras had captured:

Brooke Baxter, from Tallmadge, recorded two videos off the mysterious care packages being dropped off at her house, and later shared them on her Facebook page. Normally, it would be disconcerting to see someone dressed as a pig had visited your house in the middle of the night, but at least this mysterious person came bearing gifts.

I’m guessing the homeowner is very pretty, because during a countrywide lockdown, no man is giving up his beer for just anyone.

IKEA Ohio Is Having A Sale!

We had our basement renovated about a decade ago, and it’s probably time for new rugs, a painting, and maybe some furnishings. Thankfully, there’s a place in Toledo, Ohio which is right up my alley.

A Toledo, Ohio strip club is cleaning out its old furniture — couch dance furniture — and offering it up for the low low price of FREE. That’s right, your dream to create your very own strip club in your basement is possible thanks to this very kind gesture. You might even be able to get the couch where you got your first couch dance back in the day. This kind of deal doesn’t come along very often.

From the listing: ***CURB ALERT*** Scarletts Cabraret- Telegraph & Alexis. Former couch dance furniture put out to pasture. ***WARNING*** May have stained unknown bodily fluids. Use at your own risk!

Pfft, there’s no blacklights in my house, so what do I care. If you need me, I’ll be on the road to Ohio!

Maps To The Czars

In an extremely rare ruling, the United State Supreme Court issued a fair and constitutional ruling this week, claiming Michigan and Ohio gerrymandering would be, at least temporarily, blocked.

The Supreme Court temporarily blocked two decisions Friday requiring Republican-controlled legislatures in Michigan and Ohio to produce new legislative district lines ahead of the 2020 election.

There were no noted dissents from the Friday orders. The decision was not surprising, as the justices are currently deciding whether federal courts should even hear partisan gerrymandering disputes.

Both decisions set fast-moving schedules for the legislatures — the Michigan ruling gave the state until Aug. 1 to draw new lines, while the Ohio decision required a remedial plan by June 14. Friday’s order from the high court means that neither state will have to create new district maps in the short-term.

The main problem with the Democratic Party is they cannot win elections on their ideology or their policies, so they spend their time redrawing district lines for their benefit, enabling illegal immigration, and eliminating the Electoral College.

She Didn’t Mean No Harmon

Meet Chandra Danette Harmon.

Chandra is a defendant in a murder case, an while she is in her fifties, age apparently doesn’t stop her from living as a millennial. You see, Chandra believes the courts should give her special privileges, despite the fact she may have murdered someone.

One defendant in what federal prosecutors call a “murder-for-hire” conspiracy admitted to numerous bond violations related to drugs while another wants her passport so she can go on a European cruise.

Chandra Harmon — the mother of Tawnney Caldwell who, like Roberts, could face the death penalty if found guilty in Bobby Caldwell’s death — filed a motion to get her passport back so she can travel down the Danube River with a man who is not her co-defendant husband.

Pfft, the state is going to let a measly murder charge to keep Chandra from the trip of a lifetime? That seems rather petty to me.

Chandra Harmon has been indicted for aiding and abetting in the tampering of a witness by intimidation. Harmon’s husband James was indicted for aiding and abetting a felon in possession of a firearm.

Just because Chandra dabbles in witness tampering, intimidation, and firearms doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. Bon voyage!

So Long America, You Had A Good Run

A public school in Ohio is doing away with their valedictorian and salutatorian in 2020. The school claims they do not want to promote a “competitive culture,” which is a fancy was of saying they do not want their students prepared for the real world.

Mason High School students will no longer vie for valedictorian and salutatorian distinctions in an effort to “reduce the overall competitive culture” between students, school officials said.

Beginning with the Class of 2020, the high school will do away with both honors. School officials said it follows a yearlong study and focus group with students, staffers and families.

You helicopter parents do realize there are no participation trophies after college, right? When you do not produce in the real world you don’t get a do-over. You get f**king fired. It’s a lesson most of us learned at an early age.

“It’s about what it means to be happy and what it means to be successful and it’s not just about the grade but it’s about the whole child,” Associate Principal Shanna Bumiller said.

Kyle’s school is starting this nonsense with his graduating class. The valedictorian’s grades are over and above anyone else’s, but the administration decided they would hold an essay contest to see who wins the title. Even though the dictionary definition of valedictorian is fairly clear. Personally, I’m assuming they don’t want the kid with the top grades to be their valedictorian, so this is the way Kyle’s school can screw the kid over.

Ohio Finally Outlaws Horseplay

Ohio has finally banned bestiality, and it only took two hundred and fourteen years.

It’s now officially illegal in Ohio for people to have sex with animals. The state did not have anti-bestiality laws until the change took effect last week, making sexual conduct or related acts with animals punishable by jail time and fines.

The measure gained enough votes to pass in December when it was rolled into a bill that bars local jurisdictions from raising the minimum wage or regulating pet stores.

So wait a minute, it only passed because they tacked on a minimum wage rider? Jesus Christ, Ohio, be more backwards!

She’s Nacho Girlfriend

crystal-d-hotloszMeet Crystal D. Hotlosz – the “D” stands for Delicious.

Crystal really enjoys sex, so when she met some new friends carrying handcuffs, she thought her prayers were answered. As it stands, Crystal should have made a run for the border.

An Ohio woman caught soliciting sex had an odd request, Beaver Township police say.

Wait a minute, an alleged prostitute works out of Beaver Township? That’s awesome!

Officers said they found Crystal D. Hotlosz, 36, of Clairsville, advertising her services on the Youngstown Backpage.com. She told the undercover cop she would provide a sex act for $60 and nachos.

Well, what else would you expect from a woman whose last name rhymes with “hot sauce?”

Hotlosz met the undercover officer in the parking lot of Los Gallos Mexican Restaurant on Nov. 14. She was arrested, and charged for solicitation.

Hotlosz was then transferred to the Free Clinic for treatment of a cheesy jalapeno-laced discharge.