She’s Nacho Girlfriend

crystal-d-hotloszMeet Crystal D. Hotlosz – the “D” stands for Delicious.

Crystal really enjoys sex, so when she met some new friends carrying handcuffs, she thought her prayers were answered. As it stands, Crystal should have made a run for the border.

An Ohio woman caught soliciting sex had an odd request, Beaver Township police say.

Wait a minute, an alleged prostitute works out of Beaver Township? That’s awesome!

Officers said they found Crystal D. Hotlosz, 36, of Clairsville, advertising her services on the Youngstown Backpage.com. She told the undercover cop she would provide a sex act for $60 and nachos.

Well, what else would you expect from a woman whose last name rhymes with “hot sauce?”

Hotlosz met the undercover officer in the parking lot of Los Gallos Mexican Restaurant on Nov. 14. She was arrested, and charged for solicitation.

Hotlosz was then transferred to the Free Clinic for treatment of a cheesy jalapeno-laced discharge.

Hot Cop-On-Cop Action

Mad Max Nightrider Chase SceneBeing a police officer in Ohio must resemble working as a night watchman in a grain silo. Unless you’re patrolling downtown Cleveland, there isn’t much to do but ogle the farm animals and lament the fact your state doesn’t have a real football team. Sometimes, however, fate smiles upon you, and action rears its ugly head.

Police say a driver who led officers on a high-speed chase in Ohio earlier this month turned out to be an off-duty officer — and so was his passenger.

Fairlawn police on Monday released footage of the May 7 chase, which shows an on-duty officer’s apparent surprise when he realizes fellow city officers were in a sport utility vehicle that was clocked going more than 40 mph over the speed limit and failed to stop. The chase lasted for about a minute. (H/T – TXNick)

When I occasionally worked as a burglary detail team on the overnight shift, my partner and I would blow lights in front of our coworkers, hoping they didn’t recognize the district’s unmarked BD car. Not saying this was the case in this instance, but I could see the off-duty cops screwing with the on-dutys, just because.

Dahm Yankees

Jeffrey DahmerThe childhood home of cannibalistic serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer is available to rent for July’s Republican National Convention.

Considering the bloodbath expected in Ohio this summer, this property is the GOP’s answered prayers.

The Ohio childhood home of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, available for rent in time for the Republican National Convention this summer, could have been had for $8,000 a month until Friday afternoon, when the price went up and references to the infamous criminal came down.

Dahmer was convicted in 1992 in the murder and dismemberment of 17 boys and men, some of whom he ate, over a period of 14 years.

The home where Dahmer grew up and in 1978 committed his first murder is in Bath, Ohio, 26 miles south of Cleveland, where the convention is scheduled to be held in July. The listing on a real-estate company website initially included a reference to Dahmer but on Friday that was removed and the price had been increased to $10,000 a month.

Considering Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders’ atrocious positions on abortion, I would think this residence would be more appropriate for the Democratic National Convention.