Boss To Fire Captain: Urine Trouble

A captain in the Plano, Texas Fire Department was suspended and demoted after he pulled into a fast food drive-thru… spilled his own urine on himself… while pantsless… wearing a gold penis ring.

Urinating into a plastic bottle, I’ll accept. Accidentally spilling the urine all over yourself, I’ll accept, unfortunate though it may be. Removing your urine-soaked pants and underwear, I’ll accept.

But urinating into a plastic bottle, accidentally spilling the urine all over yourself, removing your urine-soaked pants and underwear, and then cruising through the drive-thru line completely nude from the waist down while wearing penis jewelry? This is the sum of a bad, bad decision made by a fire captain in Plano, Texas.

The fire captain was recently arrested and charged for exposing his genitals to a fast-food worker, resulting in the captain’s suspension and demotion.

I sincerely hope the guy was getting food from Slim Chickens or a Raising Cane’s, because otherwise this entire story is one giant loss.

Strange Things Are Afoot At The Circle K

Meet Kendall Mabry of Umatilla, Flori-Duh.

Kendall was out on the town looking for a good time, but since it’s June in Florida, Kendall wanted to cool off. What better way to do so than to walk into a Circle K, sans pantaloons.

Responding to a 1:30 AM “naked woman in public” call last Thursday, police found Kendall Mabry sans pants or underwear inside the convenience store in Umatilla, a city about 45 miles from Orlando.

A Circle K clerk and a sheriff’s deputy both reported seeing Mabry emerge from the store’s bathroom “with no pants or underwear on.” When asked about her state of undress, Mabry reportedly “stated that another deputy told her it was fine to do that.”

In fairness, I tell that to all the hot girls I come across on the job. Sadly, most of them aren’t idiotic enough to actually fall for it.

Mabry, police reported, smelled of alcohol and her speech was slurred. Additionally, “the smell of marijuana was coming out of her vehicle.” Mabry’s pants were found inside her car.

My guess would be the pants were soiled. That said, yeah, I’d probably tap that.