The Eagles Can’t Even Tank Successfully

Before we begin, I sincerely apologize for posting about the Philadelphia Eagles. I despise the players, ownership, and most of the fans, but when I saw this story, I had to post it the second I stopped guffawing.

A gaggle of sports commentators and NFL players are claiming the Eagles “tanked” their final game to screw the New York Giants and give Washington the NFC East title.

Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth didn’t hold back their frustration at Eagles coach Doug Pederson’s decision to bench Jalen Hurts for Nate Sudfeld. The quarterback move by Pederson harpooned any chance the Eagles had of rallying against Washington in the 20-14 defeat, handing the NFC East to their rival.

Giants players agreed with several voicing their anger on Twitter as they watched their NFC East chances slip away after beating the Cowboys earlier on Sunday.

I’ve seen Hurts play at Oklahoma; the guy is an amazing talent. Why any competent coach would remove Hurts for Nate Freakin’ Sudfeld is beyond my comprehension.

Hurts, the explosive rookie, had only completed 7 of 20 passes through three quarters, but had rushed for two touchdowns. Sudfeld had not played in a game since 2018 and had attempted 20 passes in his four-year career prior to Sunday.

Sudfeld proceeded to throw an interception on his first possession and then failed to handle a low snap on the next one, which Chase Young promptly recovered for Washington.

Pederson couldn’t put in Crybaby Carson Wentz because he chose to be “inactive.” That said, even if Hurts is having an awful game, you don’t switch him for a guy who Julia could outthrow.

Worse still, why the f**k would the Eagles throw the final game of the season when they should have been doing so since December? No one throws a game when they’re already in a bad draft position. I swear to God, this is the worst sports organization on the planet. Hopefully it’ll stay that way. 🙂

UPDATE: Apparently, some Eagles players also had to be restrained from going after their coach.

Desean Jackson Is A Racist Anti-Semite

Meet Desean Jackson, a terribly average NFL wide receiver, and a terrible human being. Jackson now plays for the Philadelphia Eagles, and like most players on that team, Jackson has a racist agenda.

Take a look at this POS…

Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson has promoted Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan and conspiracy theories about Jewish people and the coronavirus vaccine to his 1.3 million followers on Instagram.

You see, the Jews’ Wuhan Virus vaccine is a secret plot to kill black and brown people. Minister Farrakhan said so, you guys!

Jackson repeatedly promoted Farrakhan, a notorious anti-Semite, and posted a page from a book that quotes Adolf Hitler and claims Jews are deceiving America from finding out that black people are “the real Children of Israel.”

So wait, Jackson is promoting two notable scholars? Farrakhan and Hitler? In that case, Jackson must be on to something.

“The[y] will extort America, their plan for world domination won’t work if the Negroes know who they were.”

So this low-IQ football player wants us to believe the Jews are trying to dominate the world with a Wuhan Virus vaccine, then immediately claimed anyone who thinks he has hate for the Jewish community “took my post the wrong way.” Go f**k yourself, clown.

The story broke around 10pm last night. As of 8:30 this morning, the major Philadelphia fish wrap has not printed a word of this despicable story on their website.

Die, Eagles, Die…

There are few organizations I despise more than the Philadelphia Eagles. Most of them are overpaid, ignorant, cop-hating clowns who spend more time being woke than playing football. Their fans – many, but not all – are usually drunken, white trash slobs who worship these scumbags, and hang their very lives on the team.

As usual, the Eagles backed into the playoffs with a pathetic 9-7 record, and immediately the white trash fans started screeching about the Super Bowl. Eagles fans are notoriously overconfident about this team, even though they’ve won one Super Bowl in a half century and their quarterback is mediocre at best.

The good news is the NFC East “Champions” lost to a dismal Seattle Seahawks team by a score of 17-9. The greatest team in football managed only three field goals. Thee loss made not only my day, but my month, and I will gladly bathe in Eagles fans’ tears.

Here’s hoping the Eagles miss the playoffs for the next seven years. They can win again after I’m retired and 2,000 miles away.

She’s Not A Fan

Mrs. Earp was substitute teaching at Princess P’s school Tuesday, and as she was walking down the hall, she saw a row of Eagles papers colored by the students. After looking for a moment, she found Julia’s, which can be seen at the left.

(It’s also at the bottom of this post, and if you click it, the photo will enlarge.)

Any hoo, Julia is not just a princess because she’s so darn cute, but also because she supports her father in his Eagles hatred. Instead of joining the mob and writing pro-Eagles slogans, Princess P wrote the following:

“Nah, I like the Beagles and the Puppy Bowl… And hockey… but whatever.”

She finished her ensemble by drawing the New Jersey Devils logo on her shirt. I’ve never been more proud of her!

Continue reading “She’s Not A Fan”

Cry, Eagles, Cry…

Regular readers know I have not watched an NFL game since 2016, but I do have an interest in the Philadelphia Eagles; namely I want them to lose every game they play. Yesterday, I got my wish. Enjoy the golf season, assholes.

There is “The Drive” or “The Ice Bowl” or Joe Montana to John Taylor, as examples, and the New Orleans Saints can now add a series that should garner attention for years.

Down 14-10 early in the third quarter, the Saints put together an 18-play, 92-yard masterpiece that consumed an eye-popping 11:29 off the clock to produce what eventually became the game-winning touchdown in a 20-14 win over the Philadelphia Eagles in the NFC Divisional Round.

“I was just told we gained 117 yards on that drive,” Brees said in his postgame news conference. “I’m not sure if that’s a record because of the penalties that kept setting us back. We went on an 117-yard drive to take the lead in the third quarter and really didn’t look back. That was the turning point in the game.”

The good news is the Eagles blew a 14-point lead. The better news is the white trash Eagles fans who infect this town will not see a repeat performance, and I will not have my days off canceled to protect people who despise me and my coworkers.

Truth be told, I spent twenty minutes looking for a writer who wasn’t an Eagles apologist. Dude, they were 9-7 and fell into the playoffs. Get over yourselves.

Oh, and since I am merciful, I do have something nice for Eagles fans below the fold…

Continue reading “Cry, Eagles, Cry…”

Cry, Eagles, Cry…

President Trump has rescinded the Philadelphia Eagles’ invitation to visit the White House after only ten players agreed to attend. This may be the happiest day of my life.

Less than 24 hours before the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles were set to visit the White House, President Donald Trump rescinded their invitation, citing national anthem protests and boycotts from some team members.

“[The Eagles] disagree with their President because he insists that they proudly stand for the National Anthem, hand on heart, in honor of the great men and women of our military and the people of our country,” Trump said in a statement released Monday evening. “The Eagles wanted to send a smaller delegation, but the 1,000 fans planning to attend the event deserve better.”

Trump said Eagles fans are invited to the White House “to be part of a different type of ceremony — one that will honor our great country, pay tribute to the heroes who fight to protect it, and loudly and proudly play the National Anthem.”

I stopped watching the NFL in 2017 and have never gone back. With a few exceptions – Carson Wentz, Nick Foles, and very few others – this team is chock full of thugs, malcontents, and leftists. Their political stances show contempt not only for the president, but for a majority of their fans. Sadly, many Eagles fans are brainwashed, and not enough have figured out this team couldn’t care less about its fans.

We’re Going To The Super Pole!

While Philadelphia Eagles supporters would have people believe they are the most knowledgeable fans in the league, the reality is most of them couldn’t find common sense with a ten-foot pole.

The Eagles blew out the Vikings to advance to Super Bowl LII on Sunday night, and after they did, their fans spent the remainder of the night celebrating in the streets of Philadelphia.

But one Eagles fan had a really unfortunate incident with a pole after the game, and it could end up putting him on IR until the Super Bowl. The fan hasn’t yet been identified, but he was desperately trying to catch a subway train before it left a station after the game when he got absolutely destroyed by a pole in the process.

The good news is the blow probably inflated this clown’s IQ by fifty points.

You can see the video here, and trust me, it is peak Philadelphia.

Run And Gun Offense

nigel-bradham-philadelphia-eagles

Meet Philadelphia Eagles linebacker Nigel Bradham. Nigel is a special kind of stupid, and someone who should never be allowed to carry a water pistol, let alone a loaded firearm.

Among the most crucial packing hints for air travel would be, even if you have a permit to carry a gun, don’t forget it’s in your backpack and try to run it through an airport X-ray machine.

This lesson was reinforced for Eagles linebacker Nigel Bradham Sunday in Miami, when he embarked on his return from the team’s bye week and ended up arrested. Bradham was jailed and booked on a second degree misdemeanor concealed weapons charge, before posting $500 bail.

Ever the British gentleman, Nigel’s actions since entering the NFL have been above reproach…

Bradham would have been cited had he not already been out on bond from his July arrest in Miami over an altercation with a hotel beach umbrella stand operator.

Huzzah! A true pillar of the community. Let’s all rush out and immediately throw our hard-earned money at the Philadelphia Eagles, and the NFL as a whole.

Here Ya Go, Eagles Fans

eagles-protest

Minutes ago, three Philadelphia Eagles players raised their fists in protest during the national anthem in, ironically, Soldier Field. These NFL players have chosen their side, and it is not a side friendly to police officers, and white people in general.

The raised fist logo may represent unity or solidarity, generally with oppressed peoples. The black fist, also known as the Black Power fist is a logo generally associated with black nationalism and sometimes socialism. Its most widely known usage is by the Black Panther Party in the 1960s. A black fist logo was also adopted by the northern soul music subculture.

Now before people claim I am overreacting here, if these NFL players were taking shots at the military, people would be rioting in the streets. Rightly so. The fact is these pampered pricks are celebrated when they protest against the police because in the grand scheme of things, cops don’t matter. Not in politics, not in sports, and not in public.

Fuck Malcolm Jenkins, Steven Means, and Ron Brooks. Fuck the Philadelphia Eagles, and fuck the NFL. I am done with you forever.

Mom. Was. Pleased.

Mom Press Conference

So Saturday we celebrated my mother’s 70th birthday by taking her to Lincoln Financial Field for a tour of the Philadelphia Eagles’ home. My mother is one of those militant Eagles fans, who demanded all her children followed her lead. As a result, I am a Broncos fan. Heh.

Bradford LockerWe arrived at the stadium and our tour guide Shaun welcomed us, explained the ground rules – most notably, don’t stray, because it is easy to get lost in the stadium – and led us into the depths of the Linc. Among the sights we enjoyed was the Eagles locker room, which is freakin’ enormous. Kyle took the occasion to get a photo in front of Sam Bradford’s locker. (Bradford is his favorite player.)

We were led out to the field, and were able to stand by the end zone. We couldn’t go on the grass because the grounds crew was painting the lines and logos for Sunday’s game against the Dolphins. Shaun really knew his stuff and obviously loved his job. Most of the facts we learned were more obscure, but really interesting, like the fact only four people in the Eagles’ organization have a key to the referee’s locker room. Everyone else is forbidden from being anywhere near it. And the first team to use the home locker room? Manchester United!

(Click the photos to embiggen.)

Julia CheerleadersWhile we were in the locker room, some season ticket holders were getting photos with cheerleaders. Julia freaked out when she saw them and asked if she could also have her picture taken. Shaun said yes, and viola. They even gave her pom-poms for the photo. Julia’s day was made. (I, of course, was unaffected by the cheerleaders. Self-control and all that)

We were taken up the the luxury boxes – in this case, it was the one owned by accounting firm KPMG – and were blown away. I really need to get wealthy. The view was amazing, the seats gently massaged our buttocks, and this particular room had a wall mural of Chuck Bednarik, possibly the toughest football player of all time.

There is more below the fold.

Continue reading “Mom. Was. Pleased.”