The Gita Will Bring Your Pita

The Philadelphia International Airport – arguably the worst major airport in America – has hired a fleet of rolling robots to deliver food to passengers while they’re waiting for their ten-hour late flights while watching Brian Stelter on the TV.

People waiting at Philadelphia International Airport can now get food delivered to them, contact-free, thanks to a new robot. The droid is called a gita – pronounced jee-tah.

Then the gita uses Bluetooth to follow an airport AtYourGate representative through the airport, right to where the passenger is located in the airport.

The gita, which can carry up to 40 pounds, features a cargo bin to hold guests’ orders. Once the gita arrives, passengers can open the robot’s bin and remove the food order for themselves.

Since this is Philadelphia, there is a better than average chance the robot will draw a gun and take your money, jewelry, and your dignity before rolling away.

I Do Not Live In A Serious City

When most Americans think about Philadelphia, they consider the city’s history, the sports teams, the sarcastic bloggers, and the rampant crime. No, we’re not New York or Chicago – they are serious cities with serious issues. No, we are a second rate town with second rate criminals.

Don’t believe me? Check out this major bust.

Customs and Border Protection officers say the fake Oral-B toothbrush heads are worth more than $12,000. They arrived in a package from Turkey on February 14.

Officials say counterfeit brush heads are manufactured in unsanitary facilities with substandard materials that may sicken users.

“Customs and Border Protection will continue to work with our trade and consumer safety partners to identify and seize counterfeit consumer goods that threaten American shoppers, such as these potentially dangerous tooth brush heads,” said Anne Maricich, CBP’s Acting Director of Field Operations, Baltimore.

Wow, I wonder if the arresting officers will receive the Medal of Freedom? Or maybe a nice plaque.

The Dreaded Apparatus

Well, it’s going to be a fun twenty-four hours. Last night I started my tour with a lovely visit to Internal Affairs. I obviously can’t talk about the incident, but I – and a dozen of my coworkers – are the “possible target.” The short version is the complaint doesn’t state which person wronged her, so the department subpoenaed everyone.

After work I had to drive to Philadelphia International Airport, arguably the worst airport on Earth – Aden Adde International Airport in Mogadishu is much cleaner and the workers are friendlier – to pick up the boy. Naturally he didn’t bring his laptop – like I asked him – because he said it was “a hassle” to take on the plane.

No Kyle, a hassle is buying you a laptop and spending my Christmas vacation running all the updates and scans you’ve been ignoring!

Last, but not least, my colonoscopy appointment is scheduled for 1pm. It’s not the procedure, but it’s the meeting before the procedure. The doc will likely give me the prep liquid which tastes like liquid farts, which will keep me on the toilet for ninety minutes. (That is not an exaggeration.) Here’s hoping the procedure is after Christmas, so I can lose all that holiday weight.

So, how’s your day going?

UPDATE: My procedure is scheduled for December 9th.

I Yam What I Yam

In a not-so-veiled shot at emotional millennials, Popeye’s restaurants are selling “Emotional Support Chicken” for travelers in the Philadelphia International Airport.

This is a shot of one of the limited edition Emotional Support Chicken boxes available from the Popeyes in terminal C of the Philadelphia International Airport. Some more info while I go grab myself some emotional support donuts and chocolate milk:

Starting Tuesday and for a limited time, travelers passing through Terminal C of Philadelphia International Airport can purchase the high-flying fowl – a fried chicken meal in a specially designed, chicken-themed carrier box, perfect for taking onto the next flight.

“We know holiday travel can be frustrating, and there’s no better way to ease stress than with a box of delicious Popeyes fried chicken and a good laugh,” said Hope Diaz, the company’s chief marketing officer. At $8.49, the Emotional Support Chicken tenders meal is the same price as its earth-bound kin.

That’s pretty ingenious, and considering the food in PIA is usually somewhere south of horrendous, at least Popeye’s isn’t terrible. I mean, it’s no Chick-Fil-A, but what is?