Johnny Depp To Return As Jack Sparrow?

Johnny Depp, having been vindicated after Amber Heard’s claim of him being a domestic abuser, is looking at a $300 million windfall to return as Captain Jack Sparrow.

Wow, Amber Heard must be losing her mind.

Embattled actor Johnny Depp is rumored to be getting paid more than $300 million to return to “Pirates of the Caribbean,” after getting unceremoniously dumped from the franchise in 2018 amid abuse allegations by ex Amber Heard. A source close to Disney allegedly dropped the bombshell in a new interview with Aussie outlet Poptopic.

“The deal is reportedly for Johnny Depp to return as Jack Sparrow,” the little leaking birdie claimed to the Down Under entertainment website.

There were rumors the franchise was going to cast a woman for the lead role. Thankfully, that looks like it wont happen now.

The 59-year-old “Donnie Brasco” star had played the swashbuckling buccaneer in five “Pirates” movies over the last 19 years, before Disney dropped him from the sixth and final installment in the wake of 36-year-old Heard’s 2018 Washington Post op-ed which Depp claimed defamed him as a domestic abuser. This reportedly caused the “Edward Scissorhands” icon to lose out on a $22.5 million payday.

I regard Johnny Depp the same way I like Tom Cruise. Yes, they’re both eccentric, but they have a gift for finding good roles in good films. Depp just needs to find better love interests, because his last one was a borderline psychopath.

P.S. – Apparently, Depp’s representative is now saying the actor is not in talks to appear as Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. Not sure I believe it, but I anted to post this in case the story is correct.

Why Is The Pee Gone?

Apparently, not every guest at Disneyland enjoyed The Pirates of the Caribbean ride as much as Captain Jack Sparrow. One female guest showed her displeasure in a very magical way.

A guest urinated off the boat into the ride water at Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland, according to TikTok user Christina (@xtinabell). Christina was stuck during unexpected downtime on the classic attraction.

It seems the guests were stuck on the ride for quite some time, and I guess the woman really needed to pee. Personally, I’m all for urinating on all things Disney.

The guests were stuck for a while and the Fire Department arrived to help. However, at one point during the downtime while the lights were on, one guest lowered their pants and urinated into the water. The incident occurred on a previous visit but Christina posted the TikTok in April.

Another woman made a TikTok video on the stoppage, and briefly showed the woman responsible. In her defense, she looks like an older woman, and probably didn’t want to have an accident.

Margot K. Robbie Will You Please Go Now!

Well, it appears Disney has learned nothing from their godawful Star Wars films, as they are going to reboot a beloved franchise and replace the main character with a female. Please just stop.

Margot Robbie will star in a female-led version of “Pirates of the Caribbean” for Disney with “Birds of Prey” writer Christina Hodson on board to write the script.

It’s not a Pirates of the Caribbean film without Johnny Depp, but hey Disney, you be you.

Disney is in early development of the untitled project. The Robbie-Hodson collaboration is being developed separately from another “Pirates of the Caribbean” reboot that was unveiled in October with franchise veteran Ted Elliott and “Chernobyl” creator Craig Mazin hired to develop a story.

Jerry Bruckheimer, who produced all five “Pirates” movies, is attached to produce both the Elliot/Mazin and the Robbie/Hodson projects.

I suspect this film will do spectacularly at the box office, just like Ghostbusters 2016, Oceans 8, Birds of Prey, Captain Marvel and the rest of the woke “Girl Power” flops.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, To The Left We Must Go

One of my greatest joys as a kid – and honestly, as an adult – was visiting DisneyWorld. The park has changed dramatically since my first trip in 1980, but despite all the improvements, my favorite attraction is Pirates of the Caribbean.

Well, it used to be.

As of July 24, Disney will be doing away with a scene in its Pirates of the Caribbean ride, first launched in 1968, which involves women being sold off as brides, and turning the famed redhead ‘wench’ into a plundering rifle-toting pirate instead.

The move – which will concern the ride at Disneyland Paris, and next year at Disneyland in California and Walt Disney World in Orlando – has earned praise from some fans and ridicule from others.

In the original section of the ride, actors pose as local women with a sign that reads: ‘Auction, take a wench for a bride.’ New artwork released by Disney reveals that signs will feature the phrase: ‘Auction, surrender yer loot.’

Because why would we portray pirates as, well, pirates? Historically speaking, pirates were murderous bastards who treated women like slaves, but Disney would rather everyone believe evil doesn’t exist in the world. No, the Mouse House prefers the unwashed masses think the world is filled with Shiny, Happy People holding hands.

In short, Disney is ruining my childhood memories in the name of political correctness.