California, Where The Party Never Ends

The California Highway Patrol spent their Tuesday chasing a stolen party bus from San Diego through Los Angeles. The vehicle was apparently clocked at 80mph on the 405 Freeway.

Meh, I’d be more interested if there were babes or strippers on the bus. At least it would be something to ogle.

The California Highway Patrol is in pursuit of a suspected stolen party bus near the Brentwood area Tuesday afternoon. Stu Mundel is live in SkyFOX over the scene. The pursuit started shortly before noon Tuesday in the Mar Vista area before continuing into Brentwood.

Good grief, I hope the driver runs into O.J. Simpson. That’ll end the pursuit real quick. (Get it, because he’ll slice his throat.)

The driver continued north along the 405 Freeway into the San Fernando Valley, with speeds reaching as high as 80 miles per hour. The driver then transferred to the 5 Freeway toward the Newhall Pass. At one point, officers attempted to deploy spike strips. From the 5, the driver got on the 14 towards the Antelope Valley area and exited the freeway in Palmdale on Sierra Highway.

So if I have my maff right, the thief is doing 80mph on the 405, then divided the five and the fourteen. Checking my calculator, and… there it is. The driver will be caught 85.75851 miles from his original position.

Pfft, and you people keep telling me I’m not smart.

John Henry Was A Wheel Driving Man

When most people are being chased by the police, they usually toss any evidence they are carrying. In Flori-Duh, the criminals throw something else entirely… because Flori-Duh.

A Florida man was in jail with no bail Saturday after authorities said he threw a 2-month-old boy in their direction at the end of a wild vehicle chase near Vero Beach.

A deputy caught the boy, who was unharmed, the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement. John Henry James III was ultimately booked at the local jail on multiple charges, including battery on an officer and child abuse.

The chase started when a deputy attempted to stop the suspect for “failure to maintain the lane,” the office said. It lasted about 40 minutes and included James driving a white Nissan SUV that struck an unmarked sheriff’s vehicle.

Sadly, the deputy spiked the baby after the amazing catch. (Okay I made that up.)

Shower Me With Gifts

Meet Oasis Shakira McLeod, Jeniyah McLeod, and Cecilia Eunique Young.

These three broads decided to shower at a rest stop before deciding to “air dry” themselves in full view of the (nauseated) public. You may find it odd that the air drying was the least egregious part of this story…

In a wild media alert issued by the Florida Highway Patrol (FHP) on Wednesday, Public Affairs Officer Sgt. Steve Gaskins details a rest stop incident that quickly devolved from bizarre to potentially deadly.

“On Wednesday April 10, 2019, at approximately 11:15 AM, FHP units in Pasco county were dispatched to a suspicious persons call at the northbound I-75 rest area, south of State Road 54,” the alert reads. “Trooper Danielle Poulin arrived on the scene and observed three black females naked, who stated that they had showered and were ‘air drying.'”

According to one witness, the women were all standing out in the nude and applying suntan lotion, The Smoking Gun notes. While the three naked women responded to Officer Poulin’s initial question, they suddenly bolted. (H/T – TXNick)

After that, the “women” were involved in another high-speed pursuit, attempted to run over an officer with their car, and tried to assault him with a baseball bat. So basically it was just another Wednesday in Flori-Duh.