The Devil’s Own

A Portland, Oregon business is trying to spread its wings by itself into a drive-thru strip club eatery. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lucky Devil and Boober Eats.

You can pick-up your food order tonight at Lucky Devil Lounge in their “food2gogodrive-thru.” They’ll be handing out rolls of TP to the first 70 customers. $30 for single drivers, $10 extra for a passenger. Pull-up, order your food, beer, wine, champagne and they’ll bring your order right to your vehicle.

The last time I witnessed a drive-thru strip club was a place called “Climaxxx III” (Climaxxxes 1 and 2 had burnt down under questionable circumstances), just outside Pittsburgh. Lucky Devil’s version is a bit more immersive.

You know, Portland is kind of a sh*thole, but this isn’t a terrible idea. There’s an “instructional video” at the link, and it’s as bizarre as you’d imagine.

Looks Like Disney Is Getting A Little Blue

A casting call for naked bike riders has been put out in the great Northwest. The advertisement wants men and women to appear naked for an upcoming Disney film.

Wait, what?

A casting company is looking for extras for a “Naked Bike Ride scene” set to film Friday in Portland.

Wow, that’s so hot… oh wait, it’s Portland? Ugh, nevermind.

“Grant Wilfley Casting, Inc. is seeking cyclists with their own bicycle to appear as extras in an upcoming motion picture project to be distributed by Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures,” reads the announcement on the Grant Wilfley Casting website.

Extras will be paid $150 for eight hours of work “plus $10 for your bicycle. Men must be ok appearing shirtless, women must be ok appearing with bare back on camera,” the announcement continues.

Okay, I’m confused. Why are they paying the bicycle? Does the bicycle also have to appear nude, and if so, will the bicycle be able to partake of the craft services?

Portland Man Just Trying To Get Ahead

Portland, Oregon is not only a haven for special snowflakes and angst-ridden musicians; it’s also home to a few batshit crazy psychopaths.

A man covered in blood, holding a knife and carrying a human head walked into an Estacada grocery store and stabbed an employee Sunday afternoon, according to the Clackamas County Sheriff’s Office.

Sunday’s grisly episode first came to light when the man walked into the Estacada Thriftway Harvest Market at around 2:15 p.m. Once inside the store, the suspect stabbed an employee, who was flown to a hospital, according to Sandy Police. That victim’s condition has not been released.

Give the man a break. He was just trying to get a head start on Memorial Day weekend. Don’t punish him because he’s a little too headstrong.