Turtle Power!

Mitch “Turtle” McConnell was apparently allowed to find his balls this week, and decided the Senate will not address the ridiculous “Protect Robert Mueller” legislation.

When you’ve lost the most feckless Senate Majority Leader in American history…

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell on Tuesday thwarted a bipartisan effort to protect special counsel Robert Mueller’s job, saying he will not hold a floor vote on the legislation even if it is approved next week in the Senate Judiciary Committee.

McConnell said the bill is unnecessary because President Donald Trump will not fire Mueller. “We’ll not be having this on the floor of the Senate,” McConnell said.

Let’s pretend for a moment this legislation isn’t completely unconstitutional. Instead, let’s focus upon who signs the final bill into law – the President of the United States. Why would Trump agree to this?

The legislation was introduced last week as Trump publicly criticized Mueller, who is investigating potential ties between Russia and Trump’s 2016 campaign as well as possible obstruction of justice by the president. Trump, fuming about a raid of his personal lawyer’s office by a different division of the FBI, said last week the Mueller investigation is “an attack on our country” and is “corrupt.”

Is the president wrong? This investigation started with Russian collusion (and found nothing), then pivoted to obstruction of justice (and found nothing), then pivoted to Stormy Daniels (and found nothing), then pivoted to Michael Cohen. I believe firing Mueller would be a grave mistake – mostly because Mueller looks like a bigger fool the longer this show continues. The president knows this, and I think he knows it’s best to let this clown continue embarrassing himself.

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Trumpy At The Bat

It’s amazing what happens when a Republican calls out Democrat wrongdoing, instead of, say, sitting idly by and twiddling your thumbs.

President Trump repeatedly called for former FBI Director James Comey to be jailed for his handling of classified information and potentially lying to Congress in a string of tweets Sunday. Excerpts from Comey’s upcoming book, A Higher Loyalty, which will be released on Tuesday, sparked the tweets.

“The big questions in Comey’s badly reviewed book aren’t answered like, how come he gave up Classified Information (jail), why did he lie to Congress (jail), why did the DNC refuse to give Server to the FBI (why didn’t they TAKE it), why the phony memos, McCabe’s $700,000 & more?” Trump tweeted.

Earlier in the morning, Trump slammed Comey for taking into account the polling in the 2016 election when deciding if he should notify Congress of the additional emails found on disgraced former Rep. Anthony Weiner’s computer in October 2016. Democrats widely blame Comey deciding to reopen the investigation into Clinton’s emails 11 days before the election for costing her the race.

I’m sure principled politicians like John McCain and Lindsey Graham caught a case of the vapors after seeing this. Lord knows “true conservatives” are supposed to furrow their brows at those who call out criminals, while simultaneously excusing their crimes.

Your Daily Dose Of Haley

U.N Ambassador Nikki Haley defended President Trump’s retaliatory attacks in Syria this week, and warned the U.S would bring the rain if Assad uses chemical weapons again.

As Russia and the U.S. traded barbs at the United Nations over the coalition strike on Syria, U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Nikki Haley warned that the U.S. is “locked and loaded” should the Syrian regime decide to use chemical weapons again.

“I spoke to President Trump this morning and he said if the Syrian regime uses this poisonous gas again, the United States is locked and loaded,” Haley said at an emergency U.N. Security Council meeting called by Russia. “When our president draws a red line, our president enforces the red line,” she added, referencing former President Barack Obama’s failure to follow through on his threat to use military force in Syria should the Assad regime use illegal chemical weapons.

Wow, a president who takes action when a red line is crossed? How refreshing. For someone who was a rabid Never Trumper during the election, Nikki Haley has been a near-perfect U.N. ambassador.

Make SW America Great Again

This weekend, President Trump ended the government’s “catch and release” illegal immigration policy. Now illegals will be arrested and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

U.S. President Donald Trump signed a memorandum on Friday ordering the end of a policy, known as “catch and release,” in which illegal immigrants are released from detention while awaiting a court hearing on their status.

As part of the memo, Trump asked Defense Secretary Jim Mattis to produce a list of military facilities that could be used to detain illegal immigrants.

So if I’m reading this correctly, the President of the United States has decided to uphold existing laws and enforce them? Wow, what a concept!

#NeverTrump GOP Gives Dems A Win

The #NeverTrump #TruCon members of congress sealed their own fate yesterday after passing arguably the worst piece of budgetary legislation in American history.

President Donald Trump grudgingly signed a $1.3 trillion federal spending measure Friday and averted a midnight government shutdown — but only after undercutting his own negotiators and setting off a mini-panic with a last-minute veto threat. The episode further eroded the already damaged credibility of both the president and a White House staff that had assured the nation he was onboard.

But Trump praised the bill’s provisions to increase military spending and said he had “no choice but to fund our military. My highest duty is to keep America safe.”

That’s bullshit. (Not his duty, but the “no choice” garbage.) Trump could have vetoed the bill and forced a government shutdown – which is exactly what SecDef Mattis recommended. The Dems would have eventually folded, and the military would have received their funds. But no, the president had to listen to the #NeverTrump jackasses instead of the voters who elected him into office.

Trump’s decision to ultimately sign the bill came after a call from Speaker Ryan.

Go figure, Paul Fucking Ryan. Screw you, Wisconsin; I mean that sincerely. That’s not to say I don’t blame Trump. He could have ended this debacle, and chose not to. When the GOP loses the House in 2018 – and they will – the Democrats will impeach him.

At around 9:30 a.m. Friday, Ryan encouraged the president to sign the bill, according to a person familiar with the communication, and discussed all the wins it delivered, especially for the military.

Let’s check out the “wins” this bloated garbage pile of a bill gets us: $500 million to fund Planned Parenthood, $48 million toward congressional budgets, $3.6 billion (with a b) for opioid abuse, no Obamacare fixes, and no border wall. I know I’m excited; how about you?

The GOP lost me a long time ago. With the exception of Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, Jim Jordan, and Louie Gohmert, the rest are useless wastes of oxygen who spend our money like drunken sailors.

Oh well, maybe President Pence will embrace conservatism.

Caption Contest Winners

The Pulling Out A Trump Card Caption Contest has now ended. (It’s been a terrible day, so I’m posting this early.)

Top Five Entries:
5. “In closing I would like to show you Shumer’s left nut.” – Kevin
4. “Want to guess the number of silly caption contests this picture will get me in? It’s gonna be huge!” – J-Dub
3. “Are you feeling lucky? Well, do you punk?” – Mike
2. “OK, I’ve had enough of these a$$holes from CNN!” – William

WINNER! – President Trump shocks his audience by saying, “Scuse me while I whup this out!”

Weekend Caption Contest

Pulling Out A Trump Card Caption Contest
(Source: Associated Press)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, March 5th.

Original Caption: President Donald Trump puts his notes back in his jacket pocket after reading a story about a snake, to the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), at National Harbor, Md., Friday, Feb. 23, 2018. (Photo: Jacquelyn Martin/AP)

Have Gun, Will Travel

President Trump held a “bipartisan” conference about the country’s alleged gun problem yesterday, and during the discussion, the president wavered on the silly notion of due process.

President Trump on Wednesday voiced support for confiscating guns from certain individuals deemed to be dangerous, even if it violates due process rights.

“I like taking the guns early, like in this crazy man’s case that just took place in Florida … to go to court would have taken a long time,” Trump said at a meeting with lawmakers on school safety and gun violence. “Take the guns first, go through due process second,” Trump said.

Trump was responding to comments from Vice President Pence that families and local law enforcement should have more tools to report potentially dangerous individuals with weapons.

I’ve been a loyal Trump supporter since he earned the GOP nomination, but this kind of nonsensical blather completely loses me. Instead of threatening to curb Americans’ second and fourth amendment rights, how about we address the numerous, unheeded warnings received by the Broward County Sheriff’s Office and the FBI? The kid was a known threat, and law enforcement did nothing.

I do find it interesting no one blamed the pressure cooker during the Boston Marathon bombing, and no one blamed the airliners during 9-11, but when there’s a mass shooting, everyone blames the gun.

A Barry Good Year

One year after his inauguration, President Trump has rolled back or outright revoked the majority of the previous idiot’s president’s accomplishments.

As president, Barack Obama repeatedly mocked Donald Trump’s political ambitions, laughing at the idea of Trump ever winning the presidency. A year into the Trump presidency, Obama’s legacy is taking a beating.

Attention #NeverTrumpers, this is why we voted for Donald Trump.

Trump has overseen the dismantling of several of Obamacare’s most controversial aspects. The tax cuts package Trump signed last month included a provision repealing Obamacare’s individual mandate. Trump also rolled back the Obama administration’s contraception mandate, which forced religious groups like the Little Sisters of the Poor to provide birth control for all employees, regardless of conscientious objections.

Trump’s Department of Education rolled back several measures conservatives had decried as federal overreach. The Trump administration repealed the Obama-era mandate that required all public schools to implement transgender bathroom policies and speech codes. The administration also revoked a legally dubious Title IX guidance that regulated sexual assault proceedings on college campuses…

Gee Barry, I hope all those sick burns you threw out on late night TV was worth it, because all your piddling accomplishments are being flushed down the toilet.

You can see a more expansive list of the Desolation of Smug at the link. It’ll bring a smile to your face.

Let’s Get Physical

President Trump’s physician gave the leftist media a case of teh sadz yesterday when he informed them the president is in very good health – both physically and mentally.

The Physician to the President Navy Rear Adm. Ronny Jackson said during Tuesday’s White House press briefing that President Donald Trump requested, then aced, a cognitive ability exam.

Reporters have suggested for months that Trump is mentally unstable, and NBC’s Hallie Jackson was quick to ask about the president’s mental health during the briefing.

“I had absolutely no concerns about his cognitive ability or his — you know, neurological function,” Jackson asserted. “I was not going to do a cognitive exam. I had no intention of doing one. The reason we did the cognitive assessment is plain and simple because the president asked me to do it.”

Naturally, CNN’s most prominent whiny bitch Jim Acosta accused Rear Admiral Jackson of lying about the president’s exam, because bitches gonna bitch.