Nick Picks Tricks For Kicks

Meet Nick Nicholson (wow, did his parents hate him), a former commissioner of Hernando County, Florida.

Nick was dismissed from his elected position in 2018, after offering room and board to some women who were down on their luck. Apparently these women go down early and often.

Two years ago, Nick Nicholson made national headlines when the then-Hernando County commissioner was charged with giving room and board to prostitutes in exchange for sex and running a brothel from his Spring Hill home.

After the 2018 arrest, Nicholson, a Republican, was blasted by the local Republican leadership. He was suspended by the governor and resigned his seat. As a first-time offender facing misdemeanor charges, he ended up taking a plea deal and paid a fine of $729.

Now he wants his old job back.

Of course he does, because like every politician, Nick has likely never had a real job.

He filed paperwork early Monday, the start of official qualifying for local political offices, to run again for the District 1 commission seat in a crowded field with three other Republicans who have also pre-qualified. There is one Democrat who also filed Monday running for the seat and formal qualifying for office ends at noon on Friday.

Normally I would assume clear-thinking Republican voters would pelt this clown with tomatoes – or in this case, sex toys – but it’s Flori-Duh. I’d put his chances at 50/50.

The Whoriest Place On Earth

Meet Rodney Davis of, well, guess the state.

Rodney is looking for love, and instead of hanging out in bars or joining a dating site, Rodney prefers to patronize houses of ill repute. Oh, did I mention Rodney is a security guard at Walt Disney World?

Rodney Davis wasn’t even wearing socks.

The 56-year-old Disney security guard and husband of 27 years was “buck nekkid,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said, when he walked up to a house to purchase sex from an undercover detective. Davis’s arrest was one of 124 in Operation Santa’s Naughty List, a joint operation lead by Judd’s agency targeting human trafficking and prostitution that ran from Dec. 3 through 8.

Davis was among 46 johns – those seeking to purchase the services of a prostitute – arrested in the sting. Fifty-three were arrested for prostitution and another 18 for various crimes, mostly aiding, transporting and deriving proceeds from prostitution, Judd said.

Davis claimed he was on duty, and just showing the gals his “nightstick.” Okay, I just made that up.

I’m Not Lovin’ It

Meet Alex Direeno of Bradenton, Florida. Alex is just a girl, waiting for a boy to love her… for five minutes.

Alex Direeno, 22, reportedly negotiated the price of a sex act with an undercover cop in Manatee County, Florida.

Judging from her photo, Alex takes her county’s name to heart… and chins.

The homeless woman was invited into the officer’s car at a Marathon gas station. Under the guise of a john, the officer told her he ‘wanted to get [his] d*** sucked.’ After ‘a few seconds,’ Direeno allegedly settled for $25 and some McNuggets.

Wow, talk about McLovin’. Heh, I kill me…

Continue reading “I’m Not Lovin’ It”

Intent To Deliver… A Sausage

The once proud state of Michigan pulled a boner this week when they allowed some broad to change the police policy on prostitution.

Michigan is moving to become the final state in the country to stop allowing police officers to legally have sex with prostitutes they are investigating.

“We have the dubious distinction of being the last state in the nation to have this law in our books,” Republican state Sen. Judy Emmons, who sponsored a bill to end the exemption, said in a statement.

Most other states only require confirmation of intent to commit the crime — without the cops doing the deed themselves.

Great, so there is absolutely no reason to visit Michigan ever again.

Emmons introduced the bill in March and the state’s Senate Judiciary Committee unanimously passed it on Tuesday, sending it to the full Senate for consideration.

As of now, Michigan is the only state that gives immunity to police officers who get too deep undercover with prostitutes they’re probing.

Heh, heh, “probing.” Personally I think this is a ridiculous idea, and not because I already put in a transfer to the Ann Arbor Police Department. There is a difference between agreeing on payment for sex, and actually slipping someone the pickle.

A simple verbal agreement does not hold as much water – or some other liquid – as does deep penetration. The fact this legislation was proposed by a homely-looking Republican vexes me. I’m terribly vexed.

She’s Nacho Girlfriend

crystal-d-hotloszMeet Crystal D. Hotlosz – the “D” stands for Delicious.

Crystal really enjoys sex, so when she met some new friends carrying handcuffs, she thought her prayers were answered. As it stands, Crystal should have made a run for the border.

An Ohio woman caught soliciting sex had an odd request, Beaver Township police say.

Wait a minute, an alleged prostitute works out of Beaver Township? That’s awesome!

Officers said they found Crystal D. Hotlosz, 36, of Clairsville, advertising her services on the Youngstown She told the undercover cop she would provide a sex act for $60 and nachos.

Well, what else would you expect from a woman whose last name rhymes with “hot sauce?”

Hotlosz met the undercover officer in the parking lot of Los Gallos Mexican Restaurant on Nov. 14. She was arrested, and charged for solicitation.

Hotlosz was then transferred to the Free Clinic for treatment of a cheesy jalapeno-laced discharge.

Whoring: You’re Doing It Wrong

Free SexA woman from Mount Joy, Pennsylvania has been accused of doing her hometown’s name proud.

The woman accused of running a prostitution ring out of her home said her only crime is operating a massage business without a license.

“It was massages with free fun after work,” said Crystal Sweigart on Thursday in her home in the 10 block of Hopewell Street in the borough. “Being labeled as a prostitute isn’t what I was doing. I was giving pleasure without expecting any money.”

Sweigart, 32, is charged with misdemeanor prostitution. She was arrested on Tuesday around 5:30 p.m. and released on $2,500 unsecured bail.

Free sex. What a novel idea! Lemme guess: the sex was free, but the massages cost $300?