All About The Benjamins


Meet Democratic uber-donor Benjamin Barber. Benny has a problem with African-Americans, especially those who do not tow the Democratic Party line. Benny would probably consider himself a progressive, since that is a much less offensive term than “racist.”

In a new video released by Project Veritas Action, a top Democratic donor is caught on camera disparaging members of the African American community at a fundraiser for North Carolina U.S. Senate candidate Deborah Ross.

In the video, prominent Ross donor Benjamin Barber expresses his opinion about blacks who vote Republican by comparing them to Nazis.

“Have you heard of the Sonderkommandos? Jewish guards who helped murder Jews in the camps. So there were even Jews that were helping the Nazis murder Jews! So blacks who are helping the other side are seriously fucked in the head. They’re only helping the enemy who will destroy them. Maybe they think ‘if I help them we’ll get along okay; somehow I’ll save my race by working with the murderers,’” said Barber at a fundraiser for Ross on the Upper West Side of New York City on September 19, 2016.

Remember, it’s the Republicans who are keeping the black man down, while the chivalrous Democrats have nothing but their best interests at heart.

A Wheely Wheely Stupid Politician

cheryl-tunt-oh-my-god-be-more-chineseyNewly-elected Philadelphia City Councilwoman Helen Gym is tackling the important issues facing our fair city. She has been ignoring the skyrocketing homicide rate, rampant unemployment and dreadful public school system, in order to focus on the underlying root of our evils: allegedly racist food truck names.

No, I am not kidding.

Wheely Wheely Good is a popular University City food truck that serves hot pots, spring rolls, and rice balls to hungry Drexel students and faculty on 33rd Street.

“[Gym] approached our truck while we were working and started to argue with my partner and me,” recalls Wheely Wheely Good co-owner Alanna Li. “She told us, ‘Your truck’s name is super-racist.’ She used those words.”

Li went on to explain that Gym also took umbrage at the Asian caricatures painted on the truck, as well as the typeface used in the design.

Li swears the name was simply meant to be a play on the fact that Wheely Wheely Good is a good restaurant on wheels and was in no way, shape, or form intended to evoke any accents or dialects. As for the caricatures on the truck, Li says they are meant to be cartoon versions of her and her partner, Bailin Chen.

For those of you keeping scores at home, typeface is now racist.

Let’s forget for a moment the fact both the councilwoman and the owners of the truck are Asian, which to me should be seen as offsetting penalties when it comes to self-racism. Occasionally, some Asians pronounce the letter “r” like the letter “l.” No Asian pronounces an “r” like a “w.”

Following that logic, the only people who should be offended by the food truck’s name are Barbara Walters and Elmer Fudd.

True Detective Stories

Race CardOn Saturday night, a man called the detective division and asked to speak to a detective. Since I am the jackass who answered the phone, the man had to settle for me. The conversation began swimmingly, as the man yelled at me for five minutes, claiming I was not doing enough to arrest the people who assaulted his nephew.

When Nick Furious finally took a breath, I asked him when and where the incident took place. Turns out, the assault occurred in early July, when I was sunning my glorious naked body and fighting off scorpions in Arizona. After relaying this high-larious info nugget to the man, he not only did not apologize, but instead became even more irate.

“My nephew was assaulted by a group of white males last month, and you people aren’t doing anything about it! How long does it take to get a warrant and grab these guys?”

Actually, it can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks to secure an arrest warrant, depending upon the circumstances. Not that Screamy McYellsalot would know, since crimes are solved in an hour on Hulu…

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent!

White Black Lives Matter Moron

Have you ever had a guest stay at your home, eat all your food, poop on your living room sofa, and threaten to kill you when you call him on it? If so, you know exactly how every Philadelphia police officer feels this morning.

On Tuesday afternoon, organizers of the Black Lives Matter march screamed at white reporters to adhere to a scheme of racial segregation.

“White media get to the back! Black media come to the front!” shouted an organizer with a bullhorn. The organizer, annoyed that people weren’t immediately adhering to her instructions, began hectoring white journalists who hadn’t complied.

“Excuse me, sir!” she yelled. “Somebody needs to tell this person to get to the back…. Somebody needs to tell these folks to get to the back! We are not afraid to put people out! White people to the back! Black people to the front!”

Not only is Black Lives Matter a terrorist group; it’s also comprised of racists. But wait, there’s more!

Continue reading “No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent!”

What Can Brownies Do For You?

Racist Brownies

The most inspiring aspect about American public schools is the teachers and administrators are always working and fighting for the children. Unless, of course, the children are filthy racists.

On June 16, police were called to an unlikely scene: an end-of-the-year class party at the William P. Tatem Elementary School in Collingswood.

A third grader had made a comment about the brownies being served to the class. After another student exclaimed that the remark was “racist,” the school called the Collingswood Police Department, according to the mother of the boy who made the comment.

Brownies are now racist. Someone notify the Girl Scouts (and possibly Cleveland’s football team).

The police officer spoke to the student, who is 9, said the boy’s mother, Stacy dos Santos, and local authorities. “He said they were talking about brownies. . . . Who exactly did he offend?” dos Santos said.

The remarks, made by a 9-year old, apparently offended another 9-year old. Since when do the sensibilities of a 9-year old warrant a police investigation? Has the whole world gone batshit insane?

Dos Santos said that her son was “traumatized,” and that she hopes to send him to a different Collingswood public school in the fall.

Good on her. Every parent should rip their child out of that despicable school, post haste.

The police and schools were also advised that they should report “just about every incident” to the New Jersey Division of Child Protection and Permanency, [Police Chief Kevin ] Carey said.

Wow Chief, it’s reassuring to know Collingswood is so crime-free that you can waste police resources on harassing third graders. Wait a minute. According to crime statistics, in 2014 Collingswood reported four rapes, sixteen robberies, three assaults, seventy-eight burglaries, two hundred eighteen thefts, nineteen auto thefts, and an arson. That’s rather hefty for a town of 13,000 dontcha think?

Okay, so a few women get raped; at least you cracked down on racist 9-year olds, right? Dumbass.

In Philly, White Is The New Black

The Despicable Arlene AckermanThere are few organizations more corrupt than the School District of Philadelphia. For the most part, the city’s public schools are an unmitigated disaster where mice roam the hallways, terrible teachers are protected by the unions, and kids commit crimes on a daily basis.

Sadly, the uber-liberal leadership is even worse; pissing away funds for pet projects, and denying work to white-owned companies.

Yeah, you read that correctly.

Security and Data Technologies, Inc. (SDT) was initially chosen by Philadelphia School District (PSD) and then-Superintendent Arlene Ackerman back in 2010 to install surveillance cameras at 19 schools PSD classified as particularly dangerous. After the company began preliminary work, it was abruptly “deselected” and the $7.5 million no-bid contract was then awarded on an emergency basis to IBS Communications, a company not eligible for no-bid contracts.

Hmm, I wonder why Ackerman- may she rot in Hell – became an American-Indian-giver?

The abrupt turn of events, it turns out, had a racial motivation. An investigation by The Philadelphia Inquirer discovered Ackerman became fed up that the district kept giving contracts to white-owned companies. PSD is owned by two white men.

So, after telling other PSD administrators she would make sure “all these white boys didn’t get contracts,” Ackerman canceled SDT’s contract and diverted it over to IBS, which had black ownership.

The PSD gave IBS the contract on the QT before screwing SDT and earning some legal STD’s PDQ.

After Ackerman’s stunt was publicized, SDT sued, and the six-year legal odyssey finally ended Monday with a victory for the plaintiffs. A jury ruled that the district, along with Ackerman’s estate (she died in 2013), must pay out $2.3 million in damages. The damages cover $2.1 million in lost profits along with a small sum of compensatory damages. (H/TJim)

First, that is hella-awesome, and I’m pretty sure this news gave me an erection. It’s either that, or I took two Viagra instead of Tylenol this morning. Second, please don’t kid yourself; there is just as much reverse racism in Philadelphia’s schools as there is in other places. Unfortunately, it takes a multi-million dollar lawsuit for it to make headlines. Finally, this is why I gladly pay close to $8,000 annually to send my kids to Catholic school.

And They’re Off… Their Rocker!

Kentucky Derby Hat Ladies

Dartmouth College has officially ruined the Kentucky Derby for everyone. The uber-liberal indoctrination factory has deemed the horse race racist, because we can no longer have nice things.

Every year, Kappa Delta Epsilon (KDE) holds an invite-only party in the spring. Until last year, the party was held the same weekend as the Kentucky Derby, which was used as the party’s theme.

KDE vice president Nikol Oydanich said house members were convinced by critics that the party was racially offensive because it evoked the aesthetics of the plantation-era South.

“[It is] related to pre-war Southern culture,” she said. “Derby was a party that had the power to upset a lot of our classmates.”

Actually, the first Kentucky Derby was run in 1875; a decade after the Civil War ended, but when have liberals ever allowed facts to ruin a good argument? Hmm, I wonder if the special little snowflakes at Dartmouth believe Brown University is racist as well?