California Water Park Is Aptly Named

The Raging Waters water park was closed Sunday after a forty-person brawl ensued, nearly killing a man. This is why we can’t have nice things.

The 40-person brawl began around 3:30 p.m. by the Lazy River picnic area after a disagreement between two women over who took whose beach towel, said Everest Robillard, the Cal Expo police chief.

Christopher Neves, a 35-year-old Modesto resident, tried to break up the fight but was attacked by three other people who jumped in after him. The fight grew to about 40 participants, with a smaller group trading blows and the rest exchanging insults.

Officers arrived and found Neves without a pulse or heartbeat for an unknown amount of time. Robillard said CPR was administered on scene, and his heartbeat returned before he was carried out on a gurney and transported to UC Davis Medical Center.

So a man nearly died over a f**king towel. What the hell is wrong with this country?