True Detective Stories

This may sound inconceivable to you, but there are people in my department galactically dumber than Diego the Idiot Detective. There is a certain police officer in our worst district makes Diego look like Stephen Hawking. Let me introduce you to Beaky Buzzard.

Beaky is an inept dullard who spends most of his time drooling into his retainer case. He was likely approved because his father was a high-ranking supervisor, and apparently the smarts skip a generation.

Yesterday Beaky handled a domestic assault. The offender was arrested after allegedly holding her life partner inside the residence at the point of a gun. Apparently the offender also fired a round or two out the window, I guess to prove she was serious. The sergeant called for the scene, explained what they had, and I told them to bring up the combatants – and the pistol if it was recovered. The time of the call was 9:30am.

By 10:30am, the officers had brought the victim and the offender to the division. It had been an hour since the call, and I still did not have a police report or the gun. I joked to my sergeant, “I’ll bet Beaky Buzzard has this job.” My sergeant replied, “Oh, please don’t let this be the case.”

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