True Detective Stories

The other night, one of my coworkers told me two young female officers are “scared to death of me.” This puzzled me, because while I am always sarcastic, I never try to be mean. Well, usually.

Then there was Tuesday night.

Two rookie cops came to the division with an alleged “robbery” and an assault on police. The first cop decided he would be the spokesman, because he was a grizzled veteran with a whopping four years on the job. Wow! The officer explained a female went into a store, shoplifted nearly $200 worth of cosmetics, and when they tried to arrest her, she spit in the other officer’s face.

Even though I already knew the answers to my questions beforehand, I decided to ask them anyway. “Officer, if there was an assault on police, did you follow the protocols?”
“What?”

“You know, the protocols deemed necessary by directive? When there is an assault on police, the scene has to be held. Did you do that?”
“No.”

“The store must be treated as a crime scene. Did you hold the store and make sure no one entered or left?”
“No.”

“Did you bring up all the witnesses to the assault?”
“No.”

“Did you have your supervisor come to the scene?”
“No.”

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