Diving For Whirls

Ingrid de Oliveira Brazilian DiverMeet Ingrid Oliveira.

Ingrid is an Olympic diver from Brazil who has a thirst for competition; a thirst which always takes a back seat to her hunger for any guy with a pulse.

Sounds like my kind of woman.

20-year-old Ingrid Oliveira and 17-year-old Giovanna Pedroso have ended their diving partnership after Oliveira booted the teen out of the room they were sharing at the Olympic Village in Rio so she could enjoy a “marathon sex session” with Brazilian canoeist Pedro Gonçalves.

Oliveira apparently asked her teammate if she would mind sleeping elsewhere so that she and the canoeist could share some up-close-and-personal time. After what was described as a “heated discussion,” Pedroso finally relented.

After an apparently sleepless night for both divers, the two finished in last place in the women’s 10-meter synchronized platform dive, a performance described as “pathetic” by local outlets. (H/T – Jim F.)

In fairness, Giovanna was probably too tired to execute her dives properly, and Ingrid’s equilibrium was off because her orifices were packed with semen. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

A Fishin’ Magician

Rio Olympics Toilet FishingThere have been many examples of awful stories surrounding the Rio Olympic Games. The hotel rooms being unfinished, the dead body found floating in Rio Bay, and now some bizarre bathroom regulations.

U.S. basketball star Elena Delle Donne posted a photograph of the restroom regulations to Instagram on Saturday, and it’s now going viral.

“Guess I won’t be toilet fishing today,” she quipped, in reference to the image on the bottom left — which shows a figure using a fishing rod inside a toilet.

Other bathroom activities that appear to have been banned at the games in Brazil include peeing like a dog (bottom right), vomiting (mid-left) and defecating with your feet on the seat (mid-right).

Okay, all of those examples are pretty bizarre, but the deal-breaker for me is the toilet paper rule. Do not throw toilet paper in the toilet? Yeah, just take that shite-covered wad of t.p. and place it in the wastebasket. You can make a game of it; whomever’s room stinks the worst by the end of the games gets an honorary brown medal.

Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day

Priscilla Carnaval Brazil

Today sees the continuation of a series I first started in 2006 during the Turin Winter Olympics. In my opinion, the Winter Games rarely need incentives for viewing – hockey, bobsledding, ski jump are kickass enough – but the Summer Games are a little dull for my tastes.

Enter the fabulous babes…

Continue reading “Your Olympic Babe O’ The Day”

In Soviet Russia, Substance Bans You!

Yelena Isinbayeva

Yelena Isinbayeva, arguably one of the greatest female pole vaulters in history, has been banned from the Rio Olympics, thanks in part to Russia’s massive doping scandal.

Yelena Isinbayeva, 34, is barred from the Olympics in Rio despite no suggestion that she was part of the culture of cheating that has shamed Russian sport.

The three time world champion, and twice Olympic gold winner, has turned her anger on Moscow officials for failing to defend her. While some Russian sportsmen and women will go to Rio, the nation’s entire athletics team is banned after revelations of a “state-dictated” doping program in defiance of international rules.

Hitting out at Russian sports officials – some of whom are deemed complicit in the doping scandal – she stormed: “Our defense was very weak. I would call it zero defense. Nobody protected me and fought for my rights.”

Wait, citizens’ rights take a back seat in Putin’s inept and corrupt government? I. Am. Shocked. It sucks for the innocent athletes caught up in this thing, but now the closest Yelena will get to a Brazilian will be at her next waxing appointment.