Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

A 19-year old with a bad temper was shot and killed after he pulled a gun on a driver who had the temerity to change lanes on Texas’ I-35.

The fatal chain of events unfolded last Friday on the I-35 highway in Fort Worth, when the biker, 19-year-old JaDerek Gray, was weaving his way between rows of vehicles, an illegal maneuver that’s known as “lane-splitting,” Fox4 said.

At one point, an unidentified SUV driver began changing lanes, forcing Gray to swerve to avoid a collision. Gray passed several cars and parked his motorcycle, blocking the northbound traffic — then reportedly began walking back toward the SUV while pointing a handgun at the driver.

The SUV driver told Gray to put down the gun because there were kids in his car. But the biker kept coming, so the other man drew his own handgun and opened fire, hitting Gray multiple times.

So let’s tally the stupid here.

1. Gray was illegally swerving in and out of traffic
2. Gray almost got hit by a driver changing lanes – who obviously didn’t see this idiot.
3. Gray continued down the highway, and could have gone about his day.
4. Gray stopped, and waited for the other driver to approach him.
5. Gray pointed a gun at the driver and his children.
6. Gray walked toward the driver with his gun out and alleged fired at least one shot.
7. Gray is shot multiple times and killed.

Hmm, I wonder who the bad guy is here? It’s Gray.

Cole-Hearted

Meet Erica Cole of Cullman County, Alabama. Erica has an anger management problem, and by that I mean she manages her anger by shooting at other people.

Sheriff Matt Gentry said the incident began about 6:45 p.m. Saturday in a road rage episode on Alabama 69 in Dodge City. The dispute carried over to a home on County Road 160 in Bremen.

Erica Cole attempted to shoot a second party, but instead struck her husband. Nicholas Cole was shot in in the head and is reportedly in stable condition.

In her defense, she shot someone. A few more tries and her aim will improve.

Cole was arrested on charges of attempted murder, second-degree assault and reckless endangerment. She is being held without bond in the Cullman County Detention Center.

I’m certain Erica’s husband is going to explore the dating scene the second he recovers.

Crazy At The Bat

Meet Tiesha Thomas of Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Tiesha is a big baseball fan, and in an effort to get noticed by the Tampa Bay Rays, she has been taking swings at people and vehicles.

The victim, who did not want to be identified, said she was driving her boyfriend’s car in Fort Lauderdale about 10 p.m. on April 23 when an angry driver began flashing her high beams at her.

After both cars stopped at a Kwik Stop convenience store in the 1500 block of Northwest 19th Street, Tiesha Thomas grabbed a bat from her car and struck the other vehicle several times, breaking windows.

Thomas struck the victim as she tried to take a photograph of Thomas’ license plate. Thomas then returned to her car and drove toward the victim, causing the woman to jump out of the way to avoid being hit.

Wait, she did this outside the Kwik Stop? Wasn’t that the setting of Clerks? I’ll bet the cashier replied, “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.”

The Eyes Of Laura’s Cars

Meet Laura Davis.

Laura was so excited when she earned her driver’s license. So excited, in fact, she had it suspended four times by the state of Florida. Well, I guess we better make it five.

St. Johns County Deputies said that Lauren Davis, 22, was driving with a license that had been suspended four times by the state.

Davis was driving on Nocatee Parkway when she slammed the brakes on her 2008 Honda Element in an act of road rage. A deputy witnessed the incident. When Davis was pulled over, she immediately admitted that she had road rage because she had been cut off by another car.

The deputy who pulled her over smelled marijuana and asked Davis if she had any in her car, the report said. Davis then held up a plastic bag from her center console. Davis told deputies the bag held one ounce of marijuana.

She seems nice, although the post-weed munchies are really taking its toll. Laura, when you get out, start smoking crack; it’ll thin out your face.

Drive Angry

A Florida woman was arrested this weekend after trying to force her car through a funeral procession, most likely to disrobe outside a Waffle House.

A car has crashed into the middle of a funeral procession for a victim of the Orlando massacre, putting two cops in hospital.

The funeral motorcade for Jean Carlos Mendez Perez was traveling from a church to a grave site in Kissimmee, south of Orlando, when an impatient female motorist tried to bypass the procession around 11.30am.

A female driver? Color me surprised.

Two Osceola County deputies – who were on motorcycles to protect the procession – were rushed to the hospital after the crash. One is in a serious but stable condition and the other is stable.

I can already see the conversation at the Osceola County Sheriff’s Medical Dispensary:

“Hey bud, how were you injured in the line of duty?”
“I was shot three times responding to a robbery. You?”
“Um… some stupid bint drove through a funeral procession and knocked me off my bike.”

This is why I told my coworkers I was stabbed in the stomach while stopping a kidnapping, instead of telling them about the twisted intestines.