Driving Miss Crazy

Roxanne RimerMeet Roxanne Rimer from Beaver County, Pennsylvania. Heh, heh, “Beaver.” You may not be able to tell by her photo, but Roxanne is a very nimble little minx.

She can also drive better than you with her hands tied behind her back. Seriously.

Authorities say Roxanne Rimer was handcuffed and placed in the back of the cruiser after being accused of shoplifting in January. Officials said she squeezed through an unlatched opening and crawled into the front seat, then zoomed off and led officers on a nearly 10-mile chase, weaving in and out of traffic, before crashing.

Twenty-eight-year-old Roxanne Rimer, of Chippewa Township, also pleaded guilty Tuesday in Beaver County Court to an unrelated theft charge.

After spending my first decade in patrol, I have become an expert in driving while eating, writing, and/or glancing at the police terminal. This is never something I would recommend to the average person, but when you’re speeding from job to job, you have to make do. That said, at least one of my hands were free while I was working, and I would never attempt to try driving otherwise.

I give this chick kudos for driving so effectively at such high speeds. My guess is she was using her knees to drive. Roxanne is probably an idiot savant. Or just an idiot.