True Detective Stories

Despite the occasional – or regular – bitch posts on some of my True Detective Stories, we actually have a lot of fun at work. When you work with people who truly understand how awful and stressful the job can be, it’s easier to get through a day of murders, robberies, and aggravated assaults.

Salma Hayek, for example, is our version of The Love Boat’s Julie the Cruise Director. With the exception of myself, all the detectives’ desks are in cubicles, and when a holiday comes around, Salma goes hog wild. She decorates her cubicle with anything and everything to celebrate the holiday.

She also brought in a six-foot Christmas tree in December, and decorated it to the fullest. It really stood out amid the dirt and grime of the division.

Anyway, yesterday she outdid herself. Right around Christmastime, Diego the Idiot Detective came to work wearing a “Festivus for the Rest of Us” t-shirt over his work shirt. Diego is a tad – read: very – portly, so he looked even more ridiculous than normal. Salma, sensing a chance to screw with Diego, took a photo of him with his t-shirt…

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Sunday Services

While sitting home the other day, I was channel surfing and came across the film Desperado, which is one of my all-time favorite movies. Antonio Banderas’ co-star in that film was the lovely and talented Salma Hayek, who, surprisingly, has not been featured in Sunday Services. Mistake rectified.

Salma Hayek Pinault (born Salma Valgarma Hayek Jiménez; September 2, 1966) is a Mexican and American film actress and producer. She began her career in Mexico starring in the telenovela Teresa and starred in the film El Callejón de los Milagros (Miracle Alley) for which she was nominated for an Ariel Award. In 1991, Hayek moved to Hollywood and came to prominence with roles in films such as Desperado (1995), From Dusk till Dawn (1996), and Dogma (both 1999).

Desperado is a classic, as is From Dusk Till Dawn. Salma was gorgeous in each. There are more photos below the fold…

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Harvey Corpsman

The Harvey Weinstein debacle took yet another disturbing turn this week when bodacious Mexican actress Salma Hayek came forward with accusations of assault, threats, and sexual harassment.

Weinstein, for his part, denies all the charges.

A spokesperson for Harvey Weinstein has released a statement about Salma Hayek’s allegations against the disgraced producer.

On Wednesday, the Oscar-nominated actress published an essay in The New York Times about her experience working with Weinstein on the 2002 film Frida. Hayek does not just allege that he sexually propositioned her numerous times—she also alleges that Weinstein constantly berated her over the course of making the film, physically dragged her at a party, threatened to kill her, and forced her to do a full-frontal nude sex scene.

In the statement, Weinstein denies “pressuring Salma to do a gratuitous sex scene with a female co-star.” In addition, he denies claims of sexual misconduct.

All these allegations are despicable – save for the full-frontal nude scene. Oh, sorry.

I have no problem with Weinstein denying the charges. If he believes all these women remember things incorrectly, fine. That said, Weinstein believes he is still a Hollywood icon with all the perks and privileges afforded his former status. Dude has a rude wake-up call coming. Soon.

Doctor Feelgood

Salma Hayek Nude T-ShirtSalma Hayek suffered a head injury while filming a new – most likely straight-to-video – movie, and was rushed to the hospital in the greatest t-shirt of all time.

“I had to be rushed from the set to the ER for a minor head injury,” she wrote. “Unfortunately my wardrobe for the scene was completely inappropriate for the hospital.”

The wardrobe in question is a shirt that makes her look topless. In the Instagram picture, Hayek looks a little uncomfortable while covering up the shirt as best as she can.

If the doctors had any sense of humor, they would have taken the photos while standing alone behind Salma. *sigh* No one thinks on their feet anymore.