New York City Is Circling The Drain

New York City, one of the most dysfunctional bergs in America, is kicking their demise up a notch by promoting a sex-filled summer. I honestly cannot wait until that city lies in ruins.

The New York City Department of Health encourages you to get kinky this summer.

In the latest update to the city’s notoriously graphic guidelines for safer sex during the COVID-19 pandemic, the agency is urging residents to get creative but “play safer” — especially by getting vaccinated before engaging in what some have dubbed the “slutty summer” of 2021.

I saw Slutty Summer open for the Psychedelic Furs in 1987.

“Make it kinky,” they suggest. “Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face-to-face contact.” And why not DIY? they ask, by recommending synchronized masturbation.

Safer sex may not seem all that sexy, but the NYCDOH aims to inspire. New Yorkers should actually “avoid sex parties,” they write — but for those who “insist” on getting their groove fully back this summer, the city explains that it’s imperative to get jabbed before you attend “get-togethers with large groups; have group sex, multiple sex partners or sex with people you do not know.”

Funny, I’m old enough to remember when members of the Department of Health told us to cover our coughs, don’t walk in the street with bare feet, and take your vitamins. Now we’re given tips on how to bang someone in Central Park or diddle some chick inside the Statue of Liberty.