Jetting Off To Whore Island

In what can only be described as the most significant discovery since the wreckage of the Titanic, the location of Sex Island has been revealed.

The hooker and drug-fueled Sex Island will be hosted at a swanky resort on a private island off the coast of Trinidad and Tobago, a representative said.

The four-day, three-night sex-travaganza originally cost $6,000 per person, but that dropped to $4,500 as part of a Black Friday promotion that is still in effect.

Only $4,500? What a bargain! I can pay for the trip with my Chinese snitching money.

For their money, the 50 guests will each have two prostitutes available to them and receive unlimited food and drinks. Most of the women hail from Colombia, Brazil, Puerto Rico and other South American countries. A few American and Canadian girls are also slated to attend.

Besides the women, guests have easy access to drugs, with Sex Island staff members acting as liaisons between dealers and partygoers. Cocaine is far and away the most popular drug requested by guests.

Pfft, I get high on life… and blackjack… and hookers.

Welcome To Fantasy Island!

An island resort in Colombia is offering the vacation of a lifetime, including alcohol, drugs, and a gaggle of primo hoors. In other words, you can live like me for a weekend.

A firm offering X-rated holidays has brazenly advertised packages featuring orgies with prostitutes on a ‘drug friendly’ Colombian island. Two videos advertising the resort show men arriving for unlimited sex, drugs and alcohol.

One erotic video promoting the trips – described as a ‘sex island experience’ – shows a man arriving at a villa, where he is greeted by scantily clad girls. Another shows a balding man walking into his room to discover four naked women lying face down on his bed.

It also shows dozens of bikini-clad models gyrating on a boat, while a caption on the screen boasts: ‘Unlimited sex included’.

On the second day of the four-day sex fest clients will have half an hour with 16 women at once – and organisers say customers will be able to find their ‘true self’.

Sixteen hoors at once? Yeah, I’ll find my true self just in time to die from exhaustion.