Germany’s New World Oder

The Chinese Wuhan Virus has not only killed millions of people, but also decimated businesses and their employees. In Germany, none were hit harder than the angels of mercy working the sex trade.

The number of people registered as sex workers with German authorities declined sharply last year as coronavirus restrictions shut brothels for months, official data showed Thursday.

I’m certain some men suffered a below-the-belt decline as well.

Legislation in 2002 legalized and regulated prostitution in Germany, giving sex workers social benefits, and they are now obliged to register. But brothels have been closed for much of the time since the COVID-19 pandemic hit in March 2020 as part of wider lockdowns.

At the end of last year, 24,940 prostitutes were officially registered with authorities, the Federal Statistical Office said. That was down from some 40,400 a year earlier — a 38% drop.

A 38% drop? Holy underwear! We have to protect our phoney baloney jobs here, gentlemen! We must do something about this immediately! Immediately! Immediately! Harrumph! Harrumph! Harrumph!

Red Light, Green Light, One, Two Glee!

Good news, everyone! The Netherlands’ Prime Minister has announced the lockdown will be lifted on Wednesday, so his citizens – and sex workers – can now go back to work.

(For the record, the photo above is Vica Kerekes, who is absolutely NOT a sex worker.)

Amsterdam’s Red Light District sex workers are getting ready to go back to work after the coronavirus lockdown.

They say they can’t wait to get back to business on July 1, a date that marks the end of a lockdown that began on March 12. But sex workers, who tend to be self-employed with little in the way of resources to fall back on, have suffered financially more than most.

Ladies, seriously, you could have called me. It’s not like I’m difficult to find!

In a small survey of the city’s sex workers, a little over half of respondents said they had applied for government support while they were unable to work. Of that 56%, only 13% said they had been offered help. Even those receiving the €1,050 monthly benefits struggle to make ends meet in a city where average rents are in the region of €1,000 a month.

All you had to do was say the word and I’d have evicted my family out of the house. If nothing else, it would have ensured my children learn how to survive on their own in this rough and tumble world. Plus, my new boarders would be good for releasing my, um, tension.

Switzerland Is Going To The Dogs

Switzerland’s sex workers have released a few guidelines for banging during the Wuhan virus outbreak. The guidelines even highlight preferred sex positions while renting some love.

Swiss sex workers have drawn up a list of rules which they say minimises the risk of transmitting coronavirus in brothels, in hopes that the country’s ban on the industry could soon be lifted.

It comes as Switzerland’s adult industry has been heavily hit by the pandemic, after the government placed a temporary ban on prostitution two months ago to help stop the spread of the virus.

The plan to reopen the industry, prepared by the organisation ProKoRe, suggests that sex positions which allow for a safe distance between faces, such as ‘doggy style’ and ‘reverse cowgirl’, are advisable. (H/T – Loki)

Can someone explain these positions to me, as I have never heard of them before now. Are Vica Kerekes or Milana Vayntrub available for tutoring?

Won’t Someone Think About The Hookers?

While the elderly are passing on from Wuhan virus complications, there is a more important section of society who is really, truly hurting: sex workers.

Australia’s peak sex worker organisation the Scarlet Alliance has warned against police “targeting” sex workers as the impact of the coronavirus lockdown continues to hamper the industry.

Restrictions on travel and “non-essential” visits have been hitting hard for people like Paige*, who has been a sex worker “on and off” for five years. It’s her major source of income, but as a subcontractor, she only gets paid if she gets a booking and for the past couple of months, bookings have for obvious reasons dried up.

I doubt that’s not the only thing which dried up.

While preventing the unwelcome return of the government’s intervention into the sex lives of consenting adults, the grey area left is even less clear for Paige and other sex workers.

She believes in some cases, sex work should be considered an essential service – particularly if the client is “physically or mentally challenged”.

I agree, and since no one in America is more mentally and physically challenged than I am, it’s only fair I get a discount from my friendly neighborhood Aussie call girls.

They Really Earn Their Sheepskin

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, hold on to your hats; someone finally found a worthwhile reason to go to college!

Economists Scott Cunningham and Todd Kendall conducted an extensive survey of female sex workers in 2009. They asked detailed demographic questions as well as gathered details about the women’s clients, work patterns, and pay.

They estimate that college-educated sex workers are less likely to work than their less-educated counterparts in any given week. But when they do work, they earn about 12% to 13% more. College educated sex-workers see more clients and book longer sessions. They charge slightly less on an hourly basis, but the volume and nature of their services means they end up earning more.

There were more than enough fabulous babes at SJU who could have made tons of money – primarily from me – but these newfangled, millennial libtards couldn’t make enough for a cup of coffee.