She’s No Angel

A disgruntled ex-employee of a Cincinnati Little Caesars pizza shop walked into the store, asked the manager to re-hire her, and when the manager refused, she shot him.

Angel Kidd, 27, is facing a felonious assault charge after she critically wounded her manager last Tuesday.

Police say Kidd “returned to the business after being fired and requested her job back.” Kidd started to fight with the store manager in the parking lot, before she pulled out a firearm and shot her former manager in his left leg. She subsequently fled the scene.

Shootsa Shootsa!

“After being told she would not be re-hired she began fighting the store manager in the parking lot,” police said. “During the struggle (Kidd) pulled a gun and shot the store manager in the left leg. (She) fled the scene in a blue SUV.”

Well that’s a sure way to lose all your Little Caesars reward points. I hope she likes Pizza Hut.

True Detective Stories

So Friday night, we embraced two shootings in less than two minutes, which is actually not surprising for a summer night in the big city. The first shooting was approximately four blocks from the division, and two people were shot. The second shooting was maybe six blocks from the division with one person shot.

Again, none of this is breaking news. We have shootings literally every day in our division, and every victim claims he don’t know nuthin’. Once in a while, however, we get a true gem of a victim. Someone so galactically stupid that we stop, pause, and rub our eyes in the face of such idiocy.

The victim of the second shooting arrived at the local trauma center, and when the officer asked how he got to the hospital, the man gave the most ridiculous answer I have ever heard.

The man claimed he called a Lyft, and had the Lyft driver take him to the hospital.

Who the f**k calls a Lyft when they’re shot? Does this jackass not know the number for 911? What Lyft driver would allow a bleeding gunshot victim in his immaculate car? Who would believe this b.s. story?

My supervisor, who is right far more than he’s wrong, suggested this alibi. “The victim was probably shooting at someone else, and he needed time to run home and stash the pistol before having one of his friends drive him to the hospital.”

Yep, that sounds to be the more plausible answer.

True Detective Stories

True Detective Stories 219: A Comedy Of Errors.

Saturday may have been the most idiotic, violent, error-filled tour of my entire career. In twenty-six years, I have never seen so many screw-ups from cops, or incompetence from patrol supervisors.

I was truly embarrassed for this department.

The day started with a shooting in one of our districts. The victim was sitting outside when a car sped down the block and opened fire. The victim was stuck in the leg and transported to the hospital. The shooting happened during shift change, so one particular patrol sergeant decided to leave one officer on location to protect the scene.

Note the scene is located in a very high crime area, and shootings in that neighborhood are common. The house where the person was shot was being held as a crime scene, and policy dictates at least one officer secures the front and one officer secures the rear. Difficult to do that when you’re the only officer on scene.

Also, did I mention the lone officer was there without a vehicle? So the kid is standing outside a house where a shooting just occurred, without a vehicle, and without backup in case the shooters return. Apparently the sergeant thought this was a prudent decision…

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True Detective Stories

So, let me tell you about my Saturday.

I arrive early, as always, and the overnight shift was still in the office. Apparently they were dealing with three shootings – not an uncommon situation – but everything seemed to be under control. Most of the detectives were done by 8am, and all seemed well.

My one supervisor – who is universally hated by the entire building – decided he would “look into” the shootings, even though they were not ours and the overnight crew already assigned detectives to each case. The supervisor, undeterred because he’s a kiss-ass, dug further into the other squad’s business.

Shortly afterward, he realizes no one did anything with the third shooting. A detective was assigned to the job at 5am, but nothing was done. The supervisor told our highest-ranking supervisor, who contacted the overnight supervisor to get the story.

The witness claimed the victim was shot in one of our police districts, but them claimed she drove the victim to Camden, New Jersey for treatment, while passing two local hospitals with trauma units. Seems odd, but okay. The overnight supervisor sent officers to check for a scene, and they found nothing. The overnight crew contacted Camden PD and told them there was no evidence of a shooting at the location, and Camden said they would handle the job.

Our highest-ranking supervisor, after taking to the overnight boss, decided, “Nah brah, we’re not handling this, because there is no evidence the shooting happened on our side of the river.” It was the logical conclusion to anyone with a brain.

There are two glaring problems with the way this incident was handled. Obviously, the assigned detective should have done something. At the very least, he should have written a white paper or checked the scene for himself. The second problem is our kiss-ass supervisor. There was no need to dig into another squad’s job, especially after their supervisor made his decision. The only reason to do so is to make points with the captain. I mean, if that’s your thing, you do you; but it’s a bad look when you’re trying to throw your coworkers under the bus.

That’s just my $0.02.

1,349 days…

Can You Feel The Pain Tonight?

A Monroe, Michigan man was arrested after shooting two police officers after they responded to a disturbance. Responding officers shot the offender multiple times.

While that is the big story, the other story is the one which will have you scratching your heads. See also: the offender’s name.

Details are still limited but the Michigan State Police have identified the suspect who allegedly shot a pair of Monroe police officers Tuesday.

According to MSP officials, the suspect is 40-year-old Simba Lion.

The names of the injured officers have not been released. Lion was listed in critical condition at St. Vincent Medical Center in Toledo as of Wednesday morning.

Lion was shot by officers who responded to an apartment complex in the 700 block of Washington Street for an incident between a maintenance worker and Lion that turned physical.

Let’s hope Simba is soon reunited with his father Mufasa in the great beyond.

True Detective Stories

Saturday was a rare slow, sleepy day. We only handled nineteen jobs – yes, that’s a slow day – and for the most part, the clowns behaved themselves. So when the phone started ringing, I gleefully answered, because how bad could it be, right?

A patrol officer had recovered a previously stolen vehicle, and said the message on his computer stated it was coded “Guard for Prints.” That designation is almost exclusively for vehicles which were carjacked, or otherwise involved in a violent crime. I told the officer to hold the car, get it towed to our impound garage, and send us the paperwork.

Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

A few minutes later, the officer calls again. He said the tow squad were refusing to transport the vehicle because it was assigned to my division instead of the Major Crimes Unit. I responded with, “Officer, it’s listed as Guard for Prints. Call the tow squad, and tell them to get their fat asses out to the f**king scene!”

I was irritated because every minute on that street means there’s less chance we’ll be able to process it correctly.

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In Soviet Russia, Camera Shoots You!

An (obviously drunken) Russian man stumbled across a gunfight in the city of Krasnodar, and instead of taking cover, he decided to film the carnage… from thirty feet away.

One Russian dude wasn’t going to let a gigantic gunfight scare him a way in an unreal viral video making the rounds.

In a video posted on LiveLeak, the shootout occurred in Krasnodar, Russia between what looks like multiple people. It’s not clear what started the altercation across the street from the guy filming, but it is clear that it’s a major problem.

You can hear several shots ring out during the chaos, and then the guy filming just casually walks around like it’s no big deal.

Not for nothing, but a gunfight in Russia is about as common as drug dealers in Philadelphia, liars in Congress, and big, busty babes in Los Angeles.

Oh, you definitely want to view the video. It’s safe for work, but it’s mind-boggling.

Cole-Hearted

Meet Erica Cole of Cullman County, Alabama. Erica has an anger management problem, and by that I mean she manages her anger by shooting at other people.

Sheriff Matt Gentry said the incident began about 6:45 p.m. Saturday in a road rage episode on Alabama 69 in Dodge City. The dispute carried over to a home on County Road 160 in Bremen.

Erica Cole attempted to shoot a second party, but instead struck her husband. Nicholas Cole was shot in in the head and is reportedly in stable condition.

In her defense, she shot someone. A few more tries and her aim will improve.

Cole was arrested on charges of attempted murder, second-degree assault and reckless endangerment. She is being held without bond in the Cullman County Detention Center.

I’m certain Erica’s husband is going to explore the dating scene the second he recovers.

Hot Tub Slime Machine

Meet Robert Hakins of Martin Country, Flori-duh. Robert has a bitchin’ hot tub, and he occasionally invites friends to come over and, um, feel the heat.

A woman told Martin County sheriff’s deputies after 11 p.m. that she, Robert Hakins, 64, and a “friend” were in a hot tub on a back patio. She said Hakins went inside to go to sleep, while she and the “friend” stayed in the hot tub.

The woman said she and the “friend” got “romantic” in the hot tub and that Hakins saw them.

She said Hakins started yelling. Hakins went in the home as her “friend” grabbed his stuff. She said Hakins came out with a gun and fired shots into the patio screen. She also said Hakins hit her.

The first rule of Hot Tub Club is: You do not talk about Hot Tub Club. The second rule of Hot Tub Club is: You do not talk about Hot Tub Club. The third rule of Hot Tub Club is: Someone gets touchy-feely, the Hot Tub is over.

True Detective Stories

So let me tell you about my yesterday. After a Sunday which saw seven PVC incidents – stupid defective heart – Monday was fairly quiet. Sure, there were toads reporting their guns “stolen,” and one jackass broke into more than thirty – yes, thirty – cars on one block, but violence-wise, it wasn’t awful.

Well, not completely awful.

We were sitting in headquarters, minding our own business, when we heard between five and seven gunshots. They were close, maybe a block away. In the past week, we’ve handled two shootings which were no more than two blocks from our building. The new D.A. doesn’t really charge people for gun crimes anymore, so it’s the O.K. Corral out here.

Anyway, my friend was outside smoking when the shots were fired, and she texts me this message: “Just heard five gunshots, and four cars are sitting in the parking lot. No one moved.”

No. One. Moved.

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