A Chicago Weiner Roast

Chicago is arguably the most violent city in America. The Windy City is home to homicides, shootings, assaults, rapes, and robberies. Most of the robberies are of the garden variety, but occasionally a job comes in with some meat on it.

Terrion Pouncy has been charged with two counts of armed robbery stemming from an alleged robbery Tuesday morning at Maxwell Street Express.

Police said the 19-year-old suspect held a gun up to two employees and robbed them of their cellphones, wallets and cash. At one point, Pouncy allegedly pressed a .38 caliber pistol to the head of a 39-year-old worker who had been passing a bucket filled with grease over the counter.

When the two employees gave Pouncy their wallets and a stack of singles, the grease bucket tipped and bills went flying.

Pouncy allegedly bent over to collect the cash and then shifted the gun in his waistband while running away. He apparently pulled the trigger and fired a bullet that struck him in the penis, Antonietti told the court. The 39-year-old victim wrestled briefly with Pouncy before he staggered away from the restaurant.

So now when Terrion – if that is his real name – has to take a leak, it’ll look like Singapore’s Fountain of Wealth. The good news is this clown’s criminal career is effectively over. I guess the next hot dog store he robs better have a ramp!

Guns And Hoses

Why is it always Florida?

A Jacksonville man is recovering after exercising his second amendment rights during the Independence Day weekend.

A convicted felon accidentally shot himself in the penis after sitting on his gun in his car on Friday.

The 38-year-old did not notice the weapon lying on the driver’s seat when he sat down. Panicked, he is said to have run into a stranger’s house on Freedom Crossing Trail and straight into the bathroom.

Yes, because guns just go off when you sit on them. Apparently the magic bullet came out from under this ass’s ass, turned – in midair, mind you – and struck his dingus. Totes believable.

As a convicted felon in possession of a firearm, this jackass is going back to prison. The real shame of all this is he is going to need his penis, now more than ever.