Someone’s Stretching The Truth

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you I am being sued, and it is definitely a big deal. I’ll need your help to fight the lawsuit, and I know you guys will come through for me.

A woman is suing her ex-boyfriend after his “abnormally long” penis allegedly overstretched her vagina.

Silindile Mangena, 29, is planning to undergo reconstructive surgery after getting intimate with Mugove Kurima, 37. But she wants Kurima to pay the whopping 150,000 Rand (£8,000) cost of this – and is reportedly taking him to court.

Silindile, of Harare, Zimbabwe, told the Zimbabwe Mail that her private parts were “tight” before she met her ex in 2016.

To prove her point, Silindile shoved a lump of coal into her va-jay-jay and five minutes later pulled out a flawless, perfectly-cut diamond.

She said she fell in love even though he was allegedly married at the time. However, she ended the relationship in May this year after Kurima is alleged to have stretched her vagina. (H/T – Redneck Geezer)

The good news is Ringling Brothers rented out Silindile’s vagina for their African tour. Oh, and by the way, how funny is it that Silindile’s last name is Mangena?