The Eclectic Slide

If this story is any indication, it would appear the South African military hires NASCAR drivers to command its armored vehicles.

This is a video of one of the South African National Defense Force’s Rooikat armored reconnaissance vehicles almost swerving into the crowd of personnel gathered to watch a practice run of its military display prior to annual Armed Forces Day. “Screw it, it’s just practice,”

Apparently the driver asked a crewman to hold his beer. You can see the video below the fold…

Continue reading “The Eclectic Slide”

Nelson Can-dela Would Be Proud

A group of animals stopped their vehicles in the middle of the highway so they could steal hundreds of bottles of liquor which fell off a delivery truck. Starting the New Year off right, I see.

THIRSTY motorists ditched their cars on a busy South African motorway to loot a beer truck that dropped thousands of bottles of cider and lager.

Putting their own lives at risk the drivers pulled over in their droves near Johannesburg when they saw hundreds of full crates somehow fall off the stricken lorry. Seeing a chance to stock up for New Year’s Eve for free they brought traffic to a halt to fill their boots with loot.

Many braved the broken glass with bare feet to rummage through the broken bottles.

Looters soon started going for the truck itself with the driver helpless to stop the beer thieves for fear of the mob turning on him and attacking him.

I sincerely hope every one of these criminals slashed the bottoms of their feet and enjoy a few months dealing with hookworms… and possibly HIV.

Screwed, Blued, And Tattooed

A penis transplant recipient is planning on tattooing his new junk because the member is white, while he is black. Man, that’s just racism, straight up.

Surgeons have revealed the man who received the world’s third successful penis transplant is black – but his penis is white.

It means the 40-year-old patient will have to undergo extensive medical tattooing later this year to color-correct the penis he received.

The tattooing procedure will take place at the end of this year, according to the team of South African surgeons who attached the penis in a nearly 10-hour surgery.

Dude, if the woman loves you she won’t care what color your Johnson is. Save your money and tattoo some racing stripes on it instead.

Oh: Speaking of penises, the Big Penis Killer I posted about last week was acquitted of murder.

A Snake In The Grass

green-anacondaA South African woman assaulted her new husband during their honeymoon after finally seeing his titanic junk mail.

A virgin bride allegedly battered her husband on their honeymoon after seeing his penis for the first time. Mnombo Madyibi, 32, ended up with a bandaged head after getting intimate with his wife on their honeymoon having decided to abstain until they were wed.

The unnamed wife described her husband’s penis as a ‘hairy, scary cucumber’ and he reportedly goes by the nickname of ‘Anaconda’ after his football teammates saw his manhood in the changing rooms.

Luckily for her, the bride kept a stiff upper lip. She is also a huge television fan, so instead of getting shafted by Comcast, she can now enjoy a lifetime of free cable! That’s a deal you can’t beat with a stick.