Hats Off To Kristie!

Meet Kristie Ethridge of Columbus, Ohio.

Kristie and her husband were in St. Petersburg, Florida for New Year’s Eve when the husband struck her during an argument. Then things got really weird.

Police were at a St. Petersburg restaurant early yesterday investigating a reported battery when Kristie Ethridge, 49, allegedly committed a felony attack on a law enforcement officer.

Ohioans, am I right?

Cops say they were dispatched to the eatery–which was hosting a New Year’s Eve party–to investigate a battery allegedly committed by Ethridge’s husband William, 54. As police questioned William, Kristie “continuously interjected herself into the conversation,” prompting Officer Anthony Bragano to advise her to “stop talking.”

Ethridge, cops charge, became “very upset” and yelled, “Are you fucking kidding me!” Ethridge, seen above, then “threw a plastic ‘New Year’s Eve’ top hat directly at me, striking me squarely in my face just above the eyes,” Bragano reported.

Okay, I wouldn’t consider this a felony assault, but Kristie definitely needed to be arrested. The husband was also arrested for assault and resisting arrest. Well, at least they spent the New Year together.

And yes, before you ask, I’d hit that like the side of a tree on the forest moon of Endor.

Chelsi Is An Honest Injun

Meet the absolutely adorable Chelsi Leahy.

Chelsi didn’t appear to pay much attention in school, and she certainly failed the “Street Smarts” lectures while growing up. If she had, she wouldn’t walk up to a cop and tell him she was in possession of drugs.

A Florida Woman is behind bars on a felony narcotics charge after she allegedly approached a cop and asked, “Can you arrest me? I have drugs on me.”

Bravo, Chelsi! *golf clap*

Police were handling a call Tuesday night outside a St. Petersburg bar when Chelsi Leahy, 30, reportedly requested to be busted by a corporal with the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

Leahy, investigators say, “removed two small baggies from her pockets” and handed them to the cop, saying that they contained methamphetamine.

Well, if nothing else, Chelsi is at least an honest drug addict.

I Thought The Jeffersons Was A Comedy

Meet Carla Jefferson, a gorgeous, knockout woman who has everything going for her. Unfortunately, this human slug does nothing all day but call and harass the St. Petersburg (FL) Police Department.

I mean, if you think 11,000 phone calls is considered harassment.

A Florida Woman this year has made more than 11,000 harassing phone calls to a police emergency communications center, according to cops who say the defendant admitted that she “loves playing this game.”

Carla Jefferson, 50, was busted Monday evening on a misdemeanor charge of placing a torrent of phone calls to the St. Petersburg Police Department and the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office.

You guys think I’m kidding when I get these calls. It isn’t just me; most departments in the country are swarmed with angry idiots yelling at us all day and night.

A criminal complaint alleges that Jefferson–during a single 24-hour period last month–called the police department’s emergency communications center 512 times.

Jefferson, investigators say, “harasses, belittles, swears at, argues with” police employees who answer her calls. “The content of these phone calls are vulgar, threatening, or obscene” and “contain extreme expletives, sexual innuendo, and belittling remarks to the communications staff,” according to a court filing.

Hey Carla, if you truly want to make a difference, start calling the American Gestapo.

Now This Guy Is Flaming!

An unknown St. Petersburg, Flori-Duh man pulled up the the Uhuru House, pulled out a flamethrower, and burned the Pan-African flag before fleeing the scene. What the hell is going on in St. Petersburg?

St. Petersburg police are investigating after a person was caught on camera using a flamethrower to torch a Pan-African flag flying on a pole outside the headquarters of a Black international socialist group based in Florida.

You can see the video at the link. It’s wild.

Security video released by the Uhuru Movement showed the driver of a white sedan park outside the group’s St. Petersburg headquarters before they pulled a flamethrower from the car’s trunk.

The person then lights the flame and shoots a tower of fire at the flag flying roughly 30 feet above the ground. The group told the Associated Press the driver stopped when a worker inside the building yelled at him.

Why would this idiot stop after someone yelled at him? The guy is literally carrying a flamethrower; it’s not like anyone is going to get within a hundred feet of him.

A Real Le’Genius

Meet Le’Genius Williams of St. Petersburg, Flori-Duh. Le’Genius was arrested last week after he pistol-whipped his girlfriend before fleeing the scene with cocaine and fentanyl.

Police allege that Williams struck his girlfriend in the face with a handgun and then fled the St. Petersburg crime scene in a Chevy driven by another man.

Cops performed a pit maneuver to stop the vehicle and then arrested Williams and the driver. A search of the car uncovered a pair of loaded firearms, as well as cocaine and fentanyl.

Seen above, Williams was booked into the county jail for aggravated domestic battery, drug trafficking, narcotics possession, and weapons offenses. He is being held in lieu of $77,000 bond.

When this genius was thirteen-years old, he shot a fifteen-year old and spent eight years in prison for attempted murder and robbery. Maybe his parents should rename this dullard.

The Cat’s Name Was Pussy Galore

Meet Susan Freudenthal of Flori-Duh.

Karen, er, Susan was involved in an argument with her girlfriend inside their residence, when Susan decided to attack her longtime companion with a cat.

Police said things escalated after Susan Freudenthal, 53, and her girlfriend got into an argument at a home in Largo.

According to the report, Freudenthal took their cat, held it up to her girlfriend’s face and “swore on the animal’s life that she was not cheating.”

The animal was in distress and scratched her girlfriend, the affidavit said. The woman had multiple lacerations on her face.

I guess the kitty had cat-scratch fever. Ahem, I’ll see myself out.

Killins Is The Perfect Name For This Dope

Meet Eric Killins, Jr.

Eric likes fast cars and fast women, which was obvious when the Florida Highway Patrol stopped him while traveling 136mph on a St. Petersburg bridge. It’s a miracle there weren’t any Killins.

Troopers arrested Eric Killins on charges of marijuana possession, unlawful racing and reckless driving.

Killins was taken into custody just before 1:30 a.m. Saturday at the Hillsborough County end of the Howard Frankland Bridge, an arrest report said. He was driving a gray 2015 Infinity G37.

This jackass was racing a Dodge Charger Hellcat, one of the fastest muscle cars around.

Killins admitted to racing another vehicle that was farther ahead, a blue Dodge Charger Hellcat. He was driving east on the interstate and went through a construction zone on the bridge before accelerating to speeds up to 136 mph.

Troopers estimated Killins passed about 50 cars on the bridge, one by veering onto the shoulder. He often was less than one car length from vehicles in front of him as he swerved in and out of moderate to heavy traffic.

The good news is no one was killed. The bad news is in today’s climate this poor oppressed thug is already out after posting $1,250 bail.