Eastbound And Frown

Meet Rachael Lynn Stefancich of Plant City, Florida.

Rachael’s turn-ons include walking on the beach during a hurricane, candlelight dinners – at Del Taco – and leading state troopers on high-speed pursuits while driving naked.

The Florida Highway Patrol responded to a report from Gilchrist County deputies regarding an active pursuit of a stolen vehicle Saturday morning. The vehicle was reportedly heading southbound on Interstate 75 in Sumter County.

A trooper spotted a 2009 Cadillac sedan driving on I-75 in Hernando County and tried pulling the car over. That’s when the driver fled, hitting speeds of 110 mph with the vehicle, according to troopers. The chase reportedly went from I-75 onto State Road 52. They had to use a PIT maneuver to stop the vehicle and detain the woman driving.

Troopers said 24-year-old Rachael Lynn Stefancich, of Plant City, was “nearly fully unclothed” when they took her into custody. She was charged with grand theft auto, reckless driving, fleeing & eluding, possession of methamphetamine, and driving while license suspended.

One wonders what the driver’s seat smelled like after the chase ended. The good news is Rachael is single and looking for love!

True Detective Stories

When you’re a member of a big-city police department, there are always a few employees who are not exactly high caliber. This is true in any profession, but it’s slightly more disheartening when your job is keeping people safe.

On Sunday, we had to deal with Officer Steroids; a hulking man whose sleeves are always one flex away from tearing. Officer Steroids has been on the job for about thirty years, and sadly, the man still cannot write a coherent police report. I guess his rippling muscles,stop the blood flow to his underdeveloped brain.

The officer called the division Sunday and explained he was out at a burglary scene. Apparently, the offenders entered the residence, grabbed the victim’s car keys and stole two vehicles. Officer Steroids – again who has thirty years on the job – asked a question anyone who ever watched Law & Order would be able to answer:

“Do I write one report for the burglary, or three for the burglary, and the two cars stolen?”

It was then that I grabbed a glass of hemlock and chugged it down…

Continue reading “True Detective Stories”

Mississippi Genes

A Mississippi woman decided to cure her boredom by stealing a vehicle, and leading police on a lengthy pursuit. Eventually believing she was about to be overtaken, her brain directed her to the greatest hiding spot in the state.

That was the case Tuesday evening when a woman reportedly led authorities on a chase through Lafayette County, Mississippi.

The Oxford Police Department shared details of the chase at 8 p.m. on Twitter.

“In the world of ‘can’t make this stuff up’: Stolen vehicle pursuit starts out in the county,” the account posted. “Suspect drives to our PD parking lot, bailed out on foot, ran into our lobby, and tried hiding in the lobby bathroom. Just another Tuesday in law enforcement.” (H/T – Loki)

My first instinct was to make a snide remark about Mississippi, and the south, in particular. But, since a university in Alabama is looking at Kyle for their lacrosse program, I’ll hold my tongue.