Back To Cruel

You may remember a post I made on Wednesday, chronicling my seemingly insignificant back injury. I pulled a muscle while using the rowing machine at the gym, but I assumed I’d be good to go back to work this past Thursday.

Nah, brah.

I spent my days off alternating between ice packs and heating pads, plus short walks to keep my back as loose as Lindsay Lohan’s va-jay-jay. The first few hours of the day were excruciating, but by mid-afternoon, everything felt better. This trend continued until Friday morning – the day I expected to go back to work.

My first issue was sleep. I compiled approximately four hours sleep between Tuesday night and Friday morning. The pain was that bad. I rolled out of bed at 5:15 Friday, giving myself enough time to loosen up, use the heating pad, then get ready for work. The problem was my upper body felt like it was crushing my lower body, and the pain was unbearable. I tried to suck it up – I have a really high pain threshold – but after almost an hour, I gave up.

I climbed the stairs, woke up Mrs. Earp, and told her I needed to get to the doctor’s office immediately. I couldn’t bend over, so Mrs. Earp had to help me put on pants, socks, and my shoes…

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Caption Contest Winners

Russian Soliders Stretching

The Stretch Armstrong Caption Contest has now concluded.

Top Five Entries:
5. Suck it up and quit complaining about your scrotum! – Metoo
4. Unable to afford twister mats for the regiment, the Russian solders were taught to improvise. “Right foot shoulder, Left hand knee.” – Sully
3. “Tonight, we kill the capitalist scum. But first, we dance!” – @DMadHooligan
2. Don’t ask, Don’t tell…..Don’t look! – Kevin

WINNER! – Guys! The song is “YMCA”. You’re doing it wrong! – Proof