True Detective Stories

Bad Cop No DonutThere is no shortage of stupid people in this great big world, and most people cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some dullard. Sadly, my profession attracts the galactically dense, and most of them revolve around me like simpleminded planets.

So, let me tell you about work last night…

At about 4pm, an officer called the division and stated he responded to a radio call for a theft. The victim claimed someone took his Amazon package – oatmeal and books – from his front doorstep. The victim stated he saw the offender – from behind – but it’s all good because he can identify the offender’s “distinctive clothing.” Um, okay.

A few minutes later, Supercop stops a vehicle with three people inside; two women and one man. The victim is brought to the scene and “identifies” one of the women as the one who stole his package. The identification is made only by the clothing, and no package is recovered in the car or with the offender.

Supercop asks, “So, what do I do?”

You take off your badge, turn in your gun, and go work for Tastykake, because if you don’t know what crime – if any – was committed, you should find another line of work…

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