Caption Contest Winners

The Ah, Push It! Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. Nnnf…get…in…there…nnnf…Cuomo says this is perfectly safe…jeez, this is tougher than pushing grandma back into the nursing home…nnnf… – Mitchell Strand
4. Septa’s got a squeeze box, Daddy never sleeps at night! – RudyTBone
3. Wait till he finds out that ISN’T the the other guy’s gut. – MelP
2. Kinda bullshit when the first comment is the winner. Just sayin’. – ChiefJayBob

WINNER! – Jesus Wyatt, I thought you said you were losing weight. – Ingineer66

Subway, Rob Fresh

A man entered a Subway restaurant in Norcorss, Georgia, ordered a sandwich, grabbed a handful of money from the register, and fled the scene. Then he returned, because people are stupid.

Police say 34-year-old Zachary Miller was waiting for a sandwich at the Subway location on Medlock Bridge Road when he jumped over the counter, demanded cash and opened the cash register.

He was able to obtain about $100 before fleeing. He then realized he had left the sandwich inside and went back to get it.

Wow, dude must have been raised in Flori-duh. Although in fairness, Subway does make good sammiches. They hire terrible spokesmen, but make good sandwiches.

British Woman Really Loves The Tube

Meet Amanda Barrow (left).

Amanda is dealing with a bad breakup, and to compensate, she apparently found a “friend” on the subway. Amanda treats her friends very well.

A woman was shocked to see herself drunkenly perform a sex act with a stranger on police CCTV. Amanda Barrow, from Newbury, Berkshire, told a court she was so drunk that she had no memory of the incident which shocked a 16-year-old fellow passenger who immediately called police.

The 43-year-old was horrified to see CCTV images issued by police showing her with a man she did not know on a train passing through Aldermaston station in Berkshire and turned herself in to police.

Barrow, a full-time cleaner, had recently broken up with her partner and resorted to regular binge drinking sessions to deal with her heartbreak.

I’m guessing Amanda cleaned that guy’s pipes very well, and she probably performed her share of “drinking” after the act was completed.

Islamist Sets Off Pipe Bomb In NYC

An Islamist entered the NYC subway system with a pipe bomb this morning, in hopes of converting hundreds of passengers to the Religion of Peace.

Commuters said they felt a blast in the Subway tunnels underneath the Port Authority Bus Terminal around 7:30am. The bus terminal is a major transit hub for people commuting to and from New Jersey by bus a block from Times Square.

Police have taken one man into custody, who was carrying a pipe bomb with a battery back. He was injured when the bomb malfunctioned, but is alive and in stable condition, according to the FDNY. The NYPD said that so far, it appears that just the suspect was injured.

While the suspect has not been identified by name, former NYPD Commissioner Bill Bratton told MSNBC’s Morning Joe that he’s a man in his 20s, possibly from Bangladesh. He added that the suspect ‘supposedly was setting the device off in the name of ISIS’ and that it was ‘definitely a terrorist attack, definitely intended’.

These attacks are not simply “the new normal” in Europe, but they are becoming the new normal in America. When you’re out and about – especially in large cities – arm yourself if you are able, and pay attention to your surroundings. Profiling is a no-no for law enforcement, but I highly recommended it for the average citizen.

Subway: Ride Fresh

The Mexico City subway authority has erected a new device to raise awareness about sexual harassment.

In an intentionally provocative effort to raise awareness of rampant sexual harassment on Mexico City subways, the city has installed a “penis seat” on one of its busiest trains.

The seat, which as the name suggests features a representation of a male torso on the back and a flaccid penis on the seat itself, has gotten quite a rise out of some of the unsuspecting men who have sat down on it. The PSA shows men jumping up in surprise or squirming uncomfortably after sitting down on the seat.

Besides the “Exclusive for Men” sign, there is also an explanation at the foot of the seat that states: “It is annoying to travel this way, but not compared to the sexual violence women suffer in their daily commutes.”

In an amusing twist of irony, the subway penis seat was created by Jared Fogle in an effort to raise something else.