Let’s Go (To Jail) Brandon!

Meet Brandon Cihak of Mankato, Minnesota. Brandon was stopped by police recently, and during a search, police found methamphetamine inside his sweatpants. This may shock you, but Brandon declared, “They’re not mine!”

After police found a bag of methamphetamine in his pocket, the 37-year-old Minnesotan disavowed ownership of the drug, claiming that the sweatpants he was wearing were not his own.

Cihak, who had been searched following a traffic stop Wednesday morning in Mankato, “attempted to blame the methamphetamine on another individual,” Officer Eric Lopez noted in a probable cause statement. Cihak, Lopez added, “stated he was wearing the other individual’s pants.”

But the 5’11” Cihak’s bid to pin the drug rap on the unnamed fall guy/gal did not sway Lopez, who reported that “Cihak is substantially taller than the individual he claimed to be the owner of the pants.” The purported trouser owner is “only 4 feet, 1 inch tall,” according to Lopez.

In fairness, the kids these days do roll up their sweatpants. I doubt they would roll them up nearly two feet, but nice try, Brandon.