Smitten With Kittens

An Islamic televangelist – wait, those actually exist? – has been sentenced to over one thousand years in jail for kidnapping, sexual assault, and being dead sexy.

A hardline Islamic cult leader who is constantly surrounded by a retinue of busty glamour girls has been sentenced to 1,075 years in jail after a long and controversial trial.

That’s not the only thing that’s long and controversial. Hey-o!

Adnan Oktar, who also goes by the names Adnan Hoca and Harun Yahya, was arrested on charges of kidnapping, sexual abuse and fraud in July 2018, along with some 160 of his cult members.

Oktar owns a TV station in his native Turkey, and regularly broadcasts warnings that the End of the World is coming soon, from a brightly coloured television studio filled with attractive models wearing exotic makeup, wigs and bondage-style Versace dresses.

He calls his team of glamorous assistants his “harem” or his “kittens”.

Harem is so passé; just call them bitches and/or hos. I mean, it’s not that hard. (That’s what she said.)