Bud, That’s Way Too Much Light

A Texas man was recently evicted by his landlord, and the tenant decided to leave a few hundred mementos to remember him by.

I mean, I love an ice cold Bud Light as much as the next guy, but I think we can all agree, this is probably a bit much. According to the details on the video, this was the first time they visited the place after evicting the tenant.

“This was our first view of the property after evicting a tenant. All of the beers were empty. Every bottle was exclusively Bud Lite.”

Imagine drinking that much Bud Light. I mean, this dude couldn’t afford better beer?

You can just feel the sad bewilderment in the owner’s voice… trying to wrap his head around the nightmare that he has in front of him. It’s actually almost impressive how he managed to store up that many bottles. And the real bummer here is that it happened in Texas. In Michigan, you can get 10 cents a bottle.

I wonder if the tenant lived like that on a daily basis, or if he decided to spread the bottles around when he found out he was going to be evicted?

You’ve Made Me Unleash My Dogs Of War

While I think Texas Governor Gregg Abbott is a wishy-washy clown half of the time, when he wants to be a conservative, he almost always delivers the goods. This week, Abbott ordered his Department of Public Safety to move their vehicles to block the Texas border from the Haitian invaders.

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has taken “unprecedented” measures to deter thousands of migrants from crossing into the state by parking Texas National Guard and Texas Department of Public Safety vehicles along the U.S.-Mexico border near the Del Rio International Bridge.

“We put hundreds of Texas Department of Public Safety cars and created a steel wall — a steel wall of DPS vehicles — that prevented anybody from crossing that dam that you’ve seen people walk across,” Abbott told Fox News Tuesday. “We effectively … regained control of the border.”

This is a rather genius move, if you ask me.

He added in a statement that “one day there were countless people coming across the border, then the DPS put up all these vehicles, and suddenly, in an instant, people stopped crossing the border in this location. That strategy is working.”

The Haitian invasion stopped at Del Rio, but the illegitimate president has been transporting and releasing Haitians in other parts of the country. It’s great when the president hates his own country.

This Guy Has Muchow Endurance

A Texas man decided he wanted to run across the country to raise awareness of Type 1 diabetes. The man began his trek in Disneyland (CA) to Disney World (FL). Um… okay?

A Texas man has become the first person to run from Disneyland in California to Walt Disney World in Florida, a journey of about 2,761 miles.

The man thought the prices were cheaper in Florida. What a sap.

Don Muchow, 59, of Plano, said he began his run on Feb. 1, 2020, and had planned to complete the run in about 90 days, but the coronavirus pandemic led to some unexpected delays. He said the run still took about 90 days, but those days were spread out over the course of 14 months for safety reasons.

I ran track and cross-country in high school. The video at the link shows this dude running with a mask. That’s a sure way to get yourself really sick really quickly, what with being unable to breathe properly and such.

Muchow, whose run was aimed at raising awareness of Type 1 diabetes, arrived at Disney World on Monday.

Disney World rewarded Muchow with a small cup of water, but would not let him use the restrooms without buying a week-long pass.

God Bless Texas… And Whataburger

A patron who forced his way into a Whataburger line during the snowstorms was rewarded with a hot, steamy patty of Texas justice.

A TikTok user from Texas was part of a long line at a Whataburger restaurant during last month’s epic multi-day snowstorm. She revealed a crucial part of the Texas code in video she captured: You don’t cut in the Whataburger line.

TikToker @laaaauerny1 shared a video she took of the incident going down. First, she notes that a car is forcing its way into a long line at the popular fast-food chain. “Damn, that’s a dick move!” she observed, in a video on Monday. “That red car got in and didn’t wait in this line and he got in.”

The video then shows another employee headed to the driver of the offending car, presumably to boot the driver from the line.
“They’re kicking him out!” she exults. “You love to see it! You love to see it!”

For those of you who have not experienced Whataburger, the food there is amazing, in my opinion. In all honesty, I think this clown got off easy. I assumed some of those in line would have shot this idiot.

WWII German Graves Cause Uproar

This is a heavy topic for a Sunday morning, but after reading the story, I needed to comment on it’s rampant stupidity. Feel free to unsubscribe if you will, but I’m going to be honest here. A brouhaha has emerged after an “advocacy group” found three German POW gravesites in VA cemeteries. The headstones were adorned with a swastika inside the Iron Cross.

Three German soldiers’ gravestones etched with swastikas will remain in national cemeteries in Texas and Utah, the Department of Veterans Affairs said Wednesday, despite demands from an advocacy group to have them removed.

The irony of erasing history so it will never be repeated continues to astound me.

The soldier above, who died at the age of 19, received the Knight’s Cross, Germany’s highest military award during World War II. Now, maybe I’m mistaken, but not all German soldiers were Nazis, and not all German soldiers slaughtered Jews. I have no idea what these soldiers did or didn’t do, but lumping everyone in with Himmler seems to be a galactic leap.

The VA’s National Cemetery Administration released a statement Wednesday that it “will continue to preserve these headstones, like every past administration has.”

“All of the headstones date back to the 1940s, when the Army approved the inscriptions in question,” according to the statement.

Wow, that evil Republican president must have been a monster!

[T]he VA said in its statement that “the National Historic Preservation Act of 1966 assigns stewardship responsibilities to federal agencies, including VA and the Army, to protect historic resources, including those that recognize divisive historical figures or events.” For that reason, the headstones will remain.

Rabbi Joel R. Schwartzman, a retired Air Force colonel and chaplain, said the concern is the headstones could become a rallying point for white supremacists.

With respect to the Rabbi, this wouldn’t be a problem if the media ignored the story. Also, with respect, the Rabbi decided to continue his rant by invoking Civil War monuments, so you know where his ideology lies.

My points here are simple. First, if you think all German soldiers were Nazi war criminals, have at it. I respectfully and completely disagree. Second, if a headstone emblazoned with a (small) swastika sends you over the edge, that’s okay. Personally, I try to have the actions coincide with the times. Americans weren’t so quick to clutch their pearls at seeing a swastika in the 40’s. Finally, if you think removing these headstones is a good idea, but removing Civil War references is an assault on history, you’re a hypocrite.

Of course, if you read through this and have come to the conclusion that “Wyatt loves Nazis,” you should probably read another blog.

Til Death Do Us Part?

A Texas man was arrested after he allegedly shot and killed his fiancee four days after he proposed.

A Texas man who proposed to his fiancée on New Year’s Eve has been arrested and charged with her murder just four days into their engagement.

Kendrick Akins allegedly shot Dominic Jefferson in the parking lot of her apartment complex close to midnight on Saturday night after witnesses say they engaged in an argument, according to ABC News’ Houston station KTRK.

A witness who saw the confrontation at the Holly View Apartments in Harris County, Texas, was also allegedly shot at when they ran to help Jefferson after she had been shot.

Now I have seen some despicable crimes in my day, but how does someone propose to a woman then murder her four days later? What the hell is wrong with people?

The Mummy Lives

When they aren’t illegally spying on American citizens or attempting a coup on a duly elected president, the FBI occasionally investigates real crimes. In this case, they’re looking for a mummy robbing banks.

Authorities in Texas are on the search for a bank robber they have dubbed the “Mummy Marauder.” The robbery took place on Friday the 13th at the First Convenience Bank in Harris County.

The FBI in Houston described the suspect as a black male in his early 20s standing about 5’11.” The suspect wrapped white gauze around his face and arms, the FBI said. He also wore a wig and baseball cap.

Now, I’m no detective, but Texas may want to put out an APB on Lil Jon.

Adding Intelligence To The DNI

President Trump has announced Texas Representative Dan Ratcliffe, the man who destroyed Mueller last week – will become his new Director of National Intelligence. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a spectacular move.

Republican Texas Rep. John Ratcliffe will replace Dan Coats as Director of National Intelligence (DNI) after months of issues between President Donald Trump and the intelligence community.

Trump announced Sunday that Ratcliffe would replace Coats, whose last day in office will be August 15, according to Trump’s tweet. Trump and Coats have publicly butted heads during the latter’s two-year tenure as DNI.

The president has been toying with the idea of getting rid of Coats for months, sources familiar with the situation previously told the Daily Caller.

Dan Coats was a stereotypical Swamp creature, who spent nearly forty of his 76 years in elected office. Recently, he’s spent more time trashing the president than doing his actual job, so Coats’ term wasn’t going to last the year.

To give you an idea of Ratcliffe’s political ideology, he’s already hated by the right people. Everyone from back-bench Senator Chris Murphy to the (hopefully) soon-to-be-prisoner John Brennan are already trashing him.

Everything’s Boober In Texas

A Texas mother is hooping mad at a female photobomber who ruined their vacation photos.

A boob flashing photo-bomber ruined pictures of a fun family gathering, a mother from Cypress, Texas, says.

Photos from a family’s trip to Garner State Park were ruined when a smiling female photo-bomber decided to flash her breast in frame of the family’s picture, Monica Davila said. “I just think this person should be held accountable. What she did was wrong. There were kids there watching her,” she continued.

Davila said her husband’s grandmother recently passed away and the family decided to take a trip in her honor to Garner State Park, as she was going through her photo album from the trip, she noticed the prank in a group photo of the entire family.

“(You see her) boob, nipple, everything,” she explained.

Mental note: Tell Kyle to take a trip to Garner State Park.

Seriously, flashing your breasts in a family photo is a pretty garbage thing to do. During Erik’s Holy Communion, some a-hole flipped the bird as he passed us. It made it in the photo, and I had to crop it out because humans are awful.

Shut Yer Cake Hole

A Texas woman was banned from Walmart – how does someone get banned from Walmart? – after demanding a discount on her half-eaten cake. Try and guess who did the eating.

Wichita Falls Police were called to a Walmart on Greenbriar Road just after 8:00 p.m. Tuesday after receiving calls that a woman walked around the store eating half of a cake and refusing to pay for the whole item.

The suspect, who has not been identified, entered the bakery section of the store and proceeded to eat half of a cake while walking through the aisles.

Once at the register, the woman demanded half off because she was only buying half a cake. Police say she refused to pay for the missing half of the cake despite eating it on her way to checkout.

I’m sorry, but this is the funniest – and ballsiest – thing I have ever heard. Fat woman grabs cake, eats half, then refuses to pay for the part she previously consumed. Humanity is utterly doomed.