True Detective Stories

Let me tell you about my Saturday.

Saturday was my last day before two glorious days off. As is the case with most days, we were terribly shorthanded. Two detectives took a vacation day, one detective is on military leave, and two other detectives were working one of these useless gun buy back programs. The only people in the building were myself, and three detectives.

The good news was Diego was one of the dolts working the gun buy back program, so at least I wouldn’t have to see, hear, or smell that fat bastard for one day.

In the first hour, we received two domestic assault arrests, a stolen gun report, and a missing person report for an elderly woman with dementia. So, four jobs slated for three detectives. Suffice to say, we were busy. One detective headed to the domestic arrest, one to the missing person, and the other interviewed the women who sold, er, “lost” her gun.

By the second hour, I was telling supervisors and officers they would be waiting at least an hour for us to respond to other incidents. When they became indignant, I continued to reply with, “I cannot send you detectives I do not have. When one is available, we’ll send them out.”

So everyone is running themselves ragged; working cases, taking interviews, etc. Shortly after 9am, Diego slithers into the division. I look at him and ask, “What are you doing here? Don’t you have the gun buy back program today?”

This morbidly obese gelatinous blob replies, “Oh, that doesn’t start until 10am.”

I lost my mind. “You knew we were shorthanded, and you sat home for two hours instead of coming and helping out? Are you f**king kidding me?!!”

Diego looks at me, dumbfounded. “I mean, the detail starts at ten, so…”

I cannot adequately describe how much I despise this person.

1.138 days…