Toronto Strip Club Gives Wuhan Dances

An employee of Toronto’s Brass Rail Strip Club may have transmitted the Chinese Wuhan Virus to nearly 500 patrons during a five-day period. I mean, if you’re going to catch the Wu-Flu, this is probably the best way to get it.

The City of Toronto says about 550 people may have been exposed to COVID-19 at a downtown strip club earlier this month.

Toronto Public Health says it is notifying people who visited the Brass Rail Tavern at 701 Yonge St. about a potential exposure.

Officials say an employee who tested positive for the virus was at the club on these dates and times:

Aug. 4 from 7 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. on Aug. 5
Aug. 5 from 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. on Aug. 6
Aug. 7 from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. on Aug. 8
Aug. 8 from 7 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. on Aug. 9

“As a precaution, [Toronto Public Health] is advising anyone who attended the Brass Rail Tavern during these dates and times to monitor themselves for COVID-19 symptoms for the 14 days after their last visit during this time period,” the city said in a news release.

Dear Lord, I know these good people may have caught the Wuhan – hopefully from a lap dance – and I know the Toronto Maple Leafs saw yet another quick exit – shock – from the NHL playoffs, but haven’t they suffered enough?

Keep On Struckin’

A Canadian idiot earned worldwide fame Monday after slamming his construction truck into a vehicle, and pushing the vehicle over two lanes and into the guard rail.

The driver of the truck, which was seen in a video pushing a car onto the shoulder of Highway 401, claims he didn’t know what was going on.

The 12-second video of the incident — which the OPP said happened just before 2 p.m. on Monday — shows a large truck, which appears to be a stone slinger, pushing a four-door vehicle across two active lanes of the highway until the car hits the guardrail and settles on the shoulder.

As the vehicle hits the guardrail, the car’s brake lights go on and the large truck veers back into the live lane of traffic. The impact of the car getting squeezed between the truck and the guard rail is enough to cause the car’s back bumper to fall off.

The driver told police he “didn’t see the car” because he was changing lanes. I guess he also didn’t hear the hilarious sounds of metal grinding against guard rail. Way to go, hoser.

That’s Not A Slash, This Is A Slash

Yesterday Jenn asked why I was hating on Canada – her home and native land – this week, and while I did post two stories about Canadian dullards, it was not meant to be insulting to her or her countrymen.

That said, I felt badly about it, so when I saw this awesome story about Canada, I had to get it out there.

Toronto Police say the frightening encounter unfolded on Harewood Ave., just before noon.

“The victim arrived home to find a man inside his home,” Const. Jenifferjit Sidhu said Tuesday, adding the homeowner was stabbed, “possibly with a screwdriver,” during the confrontation.

A contractor working at a neighbouring house heard the commotion and did what he could to help.

“There was blood spurting out the back of his leg and his dog was chasing the fella,” Craig Hussey said, recalling the ordeal. He said the victim told him the intruder’s face was probably bloodied “because he hit him with a hockey stick.”

That’s. Friggin’. Awesome. Canada’s national sport is lacrosse, and its most popular sport is hockey. There are plenty of sticks out and about, so commit crimes with extreme caution.

A Streetcar Named The Ire

While our neighbors to the north are happy souls who are notoriously polite, many seem to lack the necessary skills to function in society. Or butter their flapjacks.

A car drove into the Queens Quay streetcar tunnel disrupting TTC service in the early hours of Sunday morning. Just after midnight, a car drove onto the tracks of the tunnel and was stuck for about four hours.

Despite flashing lights and five signs leading up to the tunnel alerting drivers to not enter, vehicles keep getting stuck on the tracks.

Since 2014, there have been more than 25 incidents of cars driving in the tunnel. The TTC installed lower lights, extra signs and deep rumble strips at the entrance of the tunnel in April 2017 to stop drivers from entering.

So some idiotic canuck drives into the tunnel once every two months? Outstanding. It won’t be long before the Queen disowns Canada entirely.

Blame Canada!

Skittles Pawn Shop

A pawn shop in Toronto will exchange your unwanted Christmas gifts in exchange for Skittles. I heartily endorse this event or product.

Instead of returning or regifting your unwanted holiday presents, why not trade them for candy? That’s the concept behind a temporary pop-up “pawn shop” in downtown Toronto, which is offering Skittles in exchange for unwanted goods.

Wrigley, the candy company that owns Skittles, is donating anything in good condition to the Goodwill ReUse Centre in Toronto.

It’s a shame Trayvon Martin isn’t alive, because he’d love this idea!

Too soon?