You’ll Need A New Summer Getaway Now

Former Soviet KGB agent and man about town Vladimir Putin has banned nearly one thousand Americans and Canadians from entering Russia. Wow, Soviet Disney World is going to take a big loss this year. I was quite excited to ride the Gulag Falls.

Russia said on Saturday it had so far banned 963 Americans from entering the country – including previously announced moves against President Joe Biden and other top officials – and would continue to retaliate against what it called hostile U.S. actions.

Putin banned Biden, which is hilarious since F. Joe thought he was banned from Prussia.

The largely symbolic travel bans form part of a downward spiral in Russia’s relations with the West since its Feb. 24 invasion of Ukraine, which prompted Washington and its allies to impose drastic sanctions on Moscow and step up arms supplies to Ukraine.

Separately, the Foreign Ministry said it had added 26 new names to a list of Canadians it has barred from travelling to Russia, including defence chiefs, defence industry executives and Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, the wife of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.

Yeah, I’m sure they’re shaking in their boots. I know for a fact the Trudeau family was looking to spend the summer months in Utopian Russia, waiting in food lines for borscht, toilet paper, and soap.

Oligarch: Putin May Have Blood Cancer

An unidentified Russian oligarch is claiming Soviet tyrant Vladimir Putin may be suffering from blood cancer, and may also be affected with Parkinson’s Disease. May the Lord forgive me, but I sincerely hope this is true.

An audio recording of the oligarch’s comments was obtained by a Western venture capitalist and shared with New Lines magazine, the publication said.

In it, the oligarch – who has close ties to the Kremlin and named only as ‘Yuri’ to protect his identity – claimed a number of the health problems Putin is believed to be suffering from are linked to him having blood cancer.

Normally I would dismiss these kind of stories, but there have been more than a few rumors that Putin’s health has been poor recently. plus, the Daily Mail is usually pretty accurate with their stories.

One example given was Putin’s lower back problems. The Russian tyrant underwent surgery on his back in October 2021, just a few months before he ordered the invasion of Ukraine on February 24. Other examples cited by the magazine included Putin’s increasingly puffy face – a possible indicator of steroid use in his recovery – and the fact that he appears to be walking with a limp.

Other sources have claimed in recent months that Putin, 69, is suffering from Parkinson’s. He has been seen in public less frequently than normal, and when he is shown on television, his appearances are heavily curated.

I try to avoid gloating over people who pass away, but in Putin’s case, I will make an exception. The man is responsible for an untold amount of murders, and he should be compared to Stalin when it comes to violence against his own citizens.

Russia Rejected Cease-Fire During Easter

Vladimir Putin and the rest of his Russian stooges rejected a cease-fire during the Eastern Orthodox holy week. The suggestion from the United Nations was to allow civilians to be evacuated from the war zone.

Russia rejected a temporary cease-fire in Ukraine that the United Nations secretary general requested for the purpose of civilian evacuation during the Eastern Orthodox Holy Week leading up to Easter. Russia’s deputy UN ambassador said the cease-fire request was not sincere and would only provide time to arm Ukrainian soldiers.

I am really starting to despise Russia, their dictator, and the people at large. When it’s Putin’s time to meet his Maker, I sincerely hope he has plenty to answer for.

Dmitry Polyanskiy, the deputy ambassador, told the Security Council Tuesday that the cease-fire requests were “insincere, and in practice they merely point to an aspiration to provide Kyiv nationalists breathing room to regroup and receive more drones, more antitank missiles and more MANPADS,” The New York Times reported. “MANPADS” refers to man-portable air-defense systems, smaller and more portable surface-to-air missiles.

“Kyiv nationalists.” You mean the citizens of Kyiv who are only trying to save their country after your pricks invaded their homeland? Go f**k yourself, Polyanskiy.

Whatever you think of this invasion, I believe the Soviets need to be put down like rabid dogs.

Russian Invasion Of Ukraine Imminent

The White House and its lying Press Secretary Jen Psaki is claiming Russian Strongman Vladimir Putin’s invasion of Ukraine is imminent, and they may attack “at any point.”

The White House raised more concerns about the future of Ukraine on Tuesday, as Russians amass troops at the border. White House press secretary Jen Psaki raised the alarm during the daily briefing.

“We believe we’re now at a stage where Russia could at any point launch an attack on Ukraine,” Psaki said. “I would say that’s more stark than we have been.”

If I know Putin, and I think I’ve read enough about Lenin and Stalin to take an educated guess; Putin will invade during the Olympics. The world will be so enthralled with the Olympic Games that no one will even bat an eye.

President Biden has repeatedly talked tough with Russian President Vladimir Putin about Ukraine, but tensions continue to rise over Russia’s decision to deploy troops in the region.

That’s probably because Putin knows Biden is a withered, dementia-addled old fossil who couldn’t – and wouldn’t – dare to challenge Russia on this. Hell, Biden already effectively said the U.S. will not intervene, and reaffirmed he will not send military aid to Ukraine. Pray for Ukraine. It’s going to be ugly.

Caption Contest Winners

The I Must Break You Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. I’m going to switch to a tape of Professor Irwin Corey. He makes more sense. – Jim
4. Putin: “Where the hell is the TV remote?” – Sully
3. Putin: I keeeel you!! – Art Lindsay
2. I can still smell his Depends through the Zoom meeting. – RudyTBone

WINNER!Mike AKA Proof’s PhotoshopMike AKA Proof

Weekend Caption Contest

I Must Break You Caption Contest
(Source: ABC News Screencap)

Caption this photo in the comments section. The winners will be posted on Monday, December 13th.

Original Caption: President Joe Biden warned Russian President Vladimir Putin that the U.S. “would respond with strong economic and other measures” if Russia continues to escalate the conflict with Ukraine.

Hillary: Still Cryin’ After All These Years

Former First “Lady,” borderline alcoholic, and perpetual crybaby Hillary Clinton is back in the news, and get this: she’s claiming the 2016 Presidential Election “was stolen from her.”

Former Secretary of State and failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton continued to push the narrative that Russian President Vladimir Putin “helped elect” former President Donald Trump on Wednesday.

When I think about this despicable bitch, I always remember Hillary Clinton will never be president. I’ll bet she’s furious the illegitimate president is in the White House.

Clinton, who lost the 2016 presidential election to Trump, joined MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” to offer her thoughts on President Biden’s meeting with the Russian leader. The former Democratic nominee used the opportunity to praise Biden, bash Trump and declare that Putin contributed to her loss.

“I think that [Biden’s] long history with foreign relations, his eight years as vice president seeing what worked, what didn’t work, watching the disaster of the Trump presidency in basically giving a green light to Putin to do whatever he wanted – once he helped elect Trump, of course – I think you’ll see a much different approach,” Clinton said.

I agree. Soon we’ll see the illegitimate president drooling in a cup, using cue cards during sex, and demanding his staff send in more young girls with fresh-smelling hair.

Hot Reporter-On-Reporter Violence

The illegitimate president embarrassed himself and the country yet again after American and Russian journalists participated in a shoving match. The altercation came shortly before the illegitimate president and Vladimir Putin were to begin their summit meeting.

Vladimir Putin left the American side irritated as the launch of talks between the heads of state was marred by abrasive Russian security and unruly journalists. In the ensuing finger-pointing, the U.S. side blamed the Russians.

“The Russians, of course, were the ones who were pushing people and causing problems, but it was just — that stuff, unfortunately, should not have happened,” a senior U.S. official said. “We’ve got to figure out to make sure those kinds of things do not happen.”

Remember, we were told the illegitimate president would bring decorum and class back to the presidency. Five months in, his cronies are embroiled in a shoving match with Russian journalists.

“The pool was repeatedly told to line up separately and in single file, but neither side did,” the pool report noted. “Instead, the journalists pushed and shoved trying to enter the building.”

Sadly, no American reporters were seriously hurt. I was hoping someone would at least punch Acosta in his tiny, shrunken balls.

In Soviet Russia, Door Opens You

Stop me if you heard this before. A ruthless mobster uses his connections to dispose of his competition through violence and intimidation, while the government is a willing participant in the crime.

No, I’m not talking about The Godfather; I’m talking about the leader of the most corrupt country on Earth: Russia.

Earlier this year, Alexei Navalny’s Anti-Corruption Foundation (FBK) had been included in the foreign agents’ list. In October, the Russian Investigative Committee carried out searches of the headquarters of the Anti-Corruption Foundation in 30 regions of Russia.

The Moscow office of the Anti-Corruption Foundation established by Russian opposition figure Alexei Navalny is being searched, the organisation’s press-secretary, Kira Yarmysh wrote in a Twitter post.

Navalny’s lawyer posted a video in which the employees are seen barricaded inside the office while the police are attempting to saw the door open.

You can see some video of that by clicking here. It looks exactly like the beginning of the first Star Wars film, A New Hope. I’m just surprised stormtroopers didn’t funnel into the office immediately afterward.

Caption Contest Winners

The Son Of A Gun Caption Contest is now over.

Top Five Entries:
5. Putin: “Heavy is good, heavy is reliable. If it doesn’t work you can always hit them with it.” – Barry D.
4. “Sorry, But you know, there can be only one Vlad, Vlad!” – Proof
3. This sir, is a very rare French pistol. Only dropped once, so it’s considered a collector’s item. – MelP
2. Ezekiel 25:17. – Sully

WINNER! – What I’m asking, Minister Kolokoltsev, is which one will I look best holding with my shirt off? – Jim