I Walk (And Jog) The Line

It’s been a while since I posted about my morbid obesity, so why not post an update during a lazy dog-danglin’ afternoon?

The bad news is the Wuhan Virus has closed my local gym, and I haven’t been there since early March. I’ve had a membership at Planet Fitness since last July, and I was going every other day to lift weights and hit the treadmills. On the off days I would walk or jog at least four miles every day, and my weight fluctuated between 180-185 pounds. It’s the lightest I’ve been in nearly thirty years. Life was good.

Then the Chinese screwed all of us. The gym closed – and will be closed until at least August – and the stress of all this led to bad eating habits. So yeah, thanks Governor Wolf. You prick.

The good news is I snapped out of the funk in April, and decided if I can’t get to the gym – I REALLY need my gym – I’ll find other outlets. Thank Vishnu I like to walk/jog.

To date, I have completed 76 workouts for a total of 295 miles this year. (It’s tracked by the Map My Walk app.) Recently I have been doing less walking and more jogging/running, and my endurance is top-notch. Yes, I would like to alternate with weight training, but all things considered, I’m doing well.

As of today, I am sitting at 187 pounds; a two pound gain since March 16th, and still under my kill zone of 190. I never want to go above 190 ever again.

So yeah, the gym would have me closer to 180, but I’m doing pretty well without it right now. I’m still a 34-inch waist, and while I could use plenty of tone, I am fairly happy with how I feel.

I mean, I’d like to be the kid pictured above again, but that’s never going to happen.

Tastes Great, Less Fatty

Back in April, I noticed my winter weight turned into an uninvited spring guest. While politely asked it to check out, it refused, and wanted to stay for the summer. At the time of Julia’s Holy Communion, I was a portly 212 pounds (at five feet, nine inches). It was time to start walking/jogging and getting reacquainted with Doctor Atkins.

The first few weeks were awful. I cheated on my diet like she was Hillary Clinton, was walking a mile at a terrible (for me, at least) fifteen-minute pace. But, like Lieawatha, I persisted. In the five months since, I have exercised almost every day – including the day last month when the heat index was 112 – and have walked/jogged a total of 229 miles. My best day has been walking/jogging five miles in under an hour, a feat I have done thrice this summer.

The payoff has been worth it. I am fitting into size large t-shirts, my pants are loose, and last week, my scale read a pretty respectable 188 pounds. That’s a net loss of, like, 67 pounds. Or kilos, or whatever. Of course, the cyst removal will cut exercise short for a week, but I’m liking the less-fat me, and while the weight will most definitely fluctuate, I want to keep myself under 200 – at least – for the future.

Don’t be fooled; it’s a lot of work, and there are times when I’d rather stay in bed, but I’ll be fifty next year, and I’d like to spend my golden years in better health.

P.S. – I’m still ugly as sin, but that cannot be fixed by jogging. I tried.

DMX Saved My Life

Monday was in interesting day. After coming home from a long day at work (actually, it was still just eight hours), I had to do the backyard weed-whacking (cutting the weeds, not shooting them with an Italian-made .22). It was a hot day, 88 degrees to be exact, and when I was finished with the lawn, I was drenched with sweat and exhausted.

But I hadn’t walked yet, and since I’m back religiously on Atkins, I wanted to get in the workout.

Since the orthopedist says I can’t jog anymore, I have settled for walking. The first three miles were sweaty, but pretty easy. After I finished the third mile, something broke. My body seemed to lose all its energy and my legs got rubbery. Unfortunately, I was still a mile or so from home, and Mrs. Earp was taking Kevin to karate.

I had to suck it up. I pushed myself to get back walking when DMX’s “X Gon Give It To Ya” queued up on my phone. It’s one of those songs which gets my blood pumping, and has been a mainstay on my workout list since I heard it used in the Deadpool movie. I immediately felt better, clicked the repeat button on my phone, and it helped me get home without dying.

So, rapper DMX saved my life – kinda sorta – with an assist from my shuffle button. The only explanation I can think for the breakdown is I’m back on Atkins, and when I was on it last time, I had two days where I felt awful before leveling out.

The song is below the fold, but it’s not safe for work…

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