Fat Woman Tries To Steal Phat TV

A rather husky woman attempted to steal a 65″ television from a Florida Walmart by placing it into a shopping cart and wheeling it out to her car. Amazingly, the television is bigger than her.

Deputies are looking for a woman who tried to steal a 65-inch television from a Walmart in central Florida.

The shoplifting incident happened last Saturday at the Walmart in Mulberry.

The Polk County Sheriff’s Office said a woman made it all the way to the exit with the TV in the cart when security workers asked her for a receipt. She said she didn’t have one. Meantime, the woman’s friend grabbed all the other stolen goodies from the cart and walked away. The woman didn’t make it out with the TV but she left with her friend and the stolen electronics.

I’ve got fifty bucks that says she is voting for Joe Biden in November.

Creeple Of Walmart

A Florida man was arrested inside a Walmart last week. The poor man was suffering from a fever, and the prescription was more cowbell purchasing a young girl.

A man tried to buy an 8-year-old girl from her mother at a Walmart in Port Orange for $200,000.

Hellmuth Kolb, 81, is charged with false imprisonment and battery. Police said Kolb tried to grab and kiss the girl and after he offered to buy her.

Wait, Hellmuth Kolb? Why would the former chancellor of Germany be buying an American girl? Are the exchange rates better over here?

Creep-le Of Walmart

It would seem the “People of Walmart” meme knows no borders. Take this jackass from Canada, who stole nearly $700 worth of items before fleeing the store. She would have gotten away with it too, it it weren’t for that meddling gravity.

A woman in Ontario, Canada tried to make off with a shopping cart full of items from a retail store on April 26. But security footage of the incident, posted on Live Leak, recorded the woman make a mad dash with the $651 worth of goods from a Walmart store and fall to the ground after running only a few feet.

The cart rolls on without her and slams into a curb, where all the items spill onto the ground.

Bravo. Here’s my question: how the hell did she think she would be able to load $651 worth of items into her car before store security would reach her?

People Of Walmart

walmart-logoOne would never confuse Walmart security officers with FBI agents, but once in a great while private security finds an honest-to-goodness crime on their hands. The important thing to remember is to stay calm and not lose your head.

The man who was found decapitated and mutilated behind a northeast Albuquerque Walmart early Saturday morning has been identified as 42-year-old Clifford Miller of McAlester, OK.

Officer Fred Duran, a spokesman for the Albuquerque Police Department said, a security guard found Miller’s body behind a dumpster at the Walmart on Wyoming near Menaul NE. He was missing his head, his genitals and his clothes.

Luckily for the guard, Walmart has everything; including crime scene tape, bleach, and body bags.

(Stupid) People Of Walmart


Walmart is apologizing to a Georgia police officer’s daughter after refusing to decorate a retirement cake with the thin blue line. Apparently the police logo is racist, because reasons.

The police officer’s daughter, who has remained anonymous, told radio host Todd Starnes that she went to a Walmart in McDonough, Georgia on Thursday to ask for a cake with the American flag in black and white with a blue stripe added in.

But one of the employees at the bakery balked at the common police officer emblem, telling the woman “the design could be perceived as racist and nobody feels comfortable decorating the cake,” she recounted to Starnes. When she asked for a simpler cake, with just one blue line on a chocolate background, the employee said she didn’t “feel comfortable” with that design either.

A Walmart spokesperson said in a statement the company regretted the incident: “Our goal is to always take care of customers. But sometimes we misstep.”

Gee, ya think? An animosity toward police officers has always existed in this country, but since the current “president” was elected, the hatred has grown exponentially. Police officers are racist, police logos are racist… pretty soon the word “police” will be racist. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic.