An Explosive Development

A Washington, D.C. man was killed after he decided to place bottle rockets on his head and lit them during an Independence Day celebration.

Metropolitan Police released details Sunday afternoon about a man who died in a fireworks accident in Northwest Washington Friday night.

Investigators have identified the victim as 33-year-old Jose Tony Alvarez Umanzor of Northwest. Umanzor was holding a commercially made mortar firework above his head when the base of the object ejected downward after it was ignited.

Idiot, everyone knows you never launch fireworks off your skull without first placing flex tape on your melon. I mean, Phil Swift cut that boat in half and was cruiing on a lake minutes later!

D.C. Police: Corruptus In Extremis

The Washington, D.C. Police Department has reclassified Tara Reade’s sexual assault report against Joe Biden from “active” to “inactive,” despite the report was only filed on April 9th.

The Washington, D.C. Metropolitan Police Department changed the status of a complaint against 2020 presidential candidate Joe Biden from active to inactive, One America News Network reported.

The network’s Richard Pollack reported Wednesday afternoon that the D.C. police department appears to have closed its investigation into Tara Reade’s allegations of sexual assault against Biden.

“The D.C. Metropolitan Police Department has suddenly, without explanation, killed its active investigation into sex abuse charges against presumptive presidential candidate Joe Biden,” Pollack said.

So in less than three weeks, the D.C. police conducted a thorough and intensive investigation, including interviews and witness canvassing? Sure, Jan. The Daily Caller suggests maybe there are statute of limitations issues, but in most municipalities, those limits are placed after the report is made; not necessarily when the event occurred.

If you want my no b.s. assessment, I believe the upper echelon commanders at the D.C. police decided this story needs to go away, so they quite literally filed Reade’s report in the circular file.

I fully understand the nation’s police commanders are more politicians than they are officers, but this is disgusting, even for a crooked department like D.C.

Never Let A Virus Go To Waste

Leftists and Democrats, but I repeat myself, never oppose a chance to acquire more power, and the Wuhan Virus national emergency is giving them all the power they desire.

Take leftist Washington, D.C. mayor Murial Bowser, for example. Muriel is threatening citizens with jail time if they violate her completely unconstitutional shelter in place order. What a good little fascist she is.

Mayor Muriel Bowser is threatening residents of Washington, DC, with 90 days in jail and a $5,000 fine if they leave their homes during the coronavirus outbreak.

The threat of jail is alarming residents and civil libertarians who point out that at least five inmates tested positive for COVID-19 in the city’s 1,700-inmate jail near Capitol Hill.

So you’re condemning citizens to contracting Wuhan Virus because they went outside? S-M-R-T!

The stay-home order has exceptions for grocery shopping and work deemed essential. Outdoor recreation such as running is allowed, but cannot involve people outside of a household.

The order is similar to dictates in neighboring Maryland and Virginia, but shocked residents of Washington, where there are just 401 of the nation’s 160,000 confirmed cases.

Really, all three leftist states – Maryland’s governor is a RINO at best – are all-in for fascism? Wow, who woulda thought?

Speeding Truck Mows Down People In D.C.

While most of the country was talking about the Comey hearing, very few noticed the possible terror attack which took place in Washington, D.C. Thursday evening.

The officers were on bicycles when the truck swerved around a bus, striking them. A traffic aide and two pedestrians were also hit – for a total of five victims.

One officer is listed in very critical condition. The others have non-life-threatening injuries.

A weapon was recovered from the suspect’s vehicle. When asked if he could rule out terrorism, D.C. Metro Police Chief Peter Newsham replied, “We have to look at that very closely. We do not have a motive at this time.”

Vehicles have been the weapon of choice for terrorists lately, which is why this incident raises a red flag. This could be a DUI case, but with a weapon found in the truck, I wonder.

Twerking Girl

DC Twerker AssaultTwo women walked into a Washington, D.C. grocery store last month and “twerked” against a man before trying to caress his junk mail.

The D.C Police are looking to charge the surprisingly attractive women with third-degree awesomeness.

Police in Washington, D.C., are asking the public’s help to identify two women accused of sexually assaulting a man by twerking against him and fondling his genitalia. The incident happened Oct. 7 at a store on the 1700 block of New York Avenue.

Surveillance video shows a man talking on the phone while getting money from an ATM.

In the footage, two African-American women in short dresses come into the store. One of the women, wearing a silver dress, rubs her butt against the front of the man while purchasing something. When the victim backs away, her friend, in a short red dress makes several attempts to cozy up to the man, including trying to touch his pants inseam.

Wait a minute, this dude called the police for that? I would have been raising my hands and asking the cashier to give me change for a twenty… all in dollar bills.

Seriously, brah, turn in your Man Card.