(Fired In A) Minute Rice

Meet Caitlin Rice.

Caitlin is a prosecutor in Chester County, a suburb of Philadelphia. Like most assistant district attorneys, she is likely a pleasant, hard-working, bastion of truth. Nah, I’m just pulling your chain.

A former Chester County prosecutor was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.

Police say Caitlin Rice attempted to steal $400 worth of merchandise from a Wegmans in Malvern on New Year’s Eve. Rice was stopped by store security in the parking lot and is now being charged with retail theft.

Rice was an assistant district attorney at the time.

Despite all the dopes who show up in True Detective Stories, the ones I despise the most are assistant district attorneys. They expend all their energy in either denying arrest warrants, or simply declining prosecutions after the warrants are served. They are literally the worst people on the planet, so when I see a story like this, my heart grows three times its size.

Hey, if she hadn’t resigned, I wonder if Caitlin could have gotten herself off? (Phrasing.)